What are good ways to fight with a boyfriend?

Question

I grew up in a house that there was no fighting. There was a dad that knocked us around if he got angry so nothing was ever really solved.
Im over that but Im still learning that arguements are ok and healthy sometimes. So when I argue with my boyfriend i get flustered sometimes. We only have small arguements and they are not hurtful or malicious, but how does a good arguement go?
Do we move it away from the 3 yr old? Or let her see how things get solved?

Answer 1

It's natural to have disagreements. When they occur, be direct and stick to the facts. Emotions will come into play but try to keep them from taking over. Speak your emotions. Tell him "what you did really makes me angry" or "it hurts me when you . . ." or whatever the emotion is. Avoid name calling and blaming. Stay with the actual event that upset you. When you start to feel flustered, remind yourself that you have a right to your feelings and you have a right to stand up for yourself. You just want to do it in a constuctive way.

If things start to get off track into blaming, take a breather, walk away and tell him you'd like to continue the conversation after you've had a chance to calm down. It's smart for you to try to see a better alternative to solving problems than what your Dad used.

As for the 3 year old, she doesn't have to be witness to every argument. But it is important that if she sees you argue she also see that you are able to still love each other. Children learn by example. If she hears name calling that's what she'll learn to do. If she sees you're able to reason through things, she'll learn that. When she gets upset about anything, teach her that it's OK to express how she feels and teach her the words she needs to do that. If she throws a tantrum, teach her that it's inappropriate behavior and give her the right tools to use.

I applaud you for being more conscious of "fighting" constructively. By being open and honest about your feelings and directing your emotions to the facts only, you'll do very well for yourself and your daughter. It just takes practice and eventually you'll do it without even thinking about it.

Answer 2

In our relationship we do have disagreements an try to never argue. Now some arguments do come as with every couple the way we solve ours, we calm down an talk things over until we come to some conclusion. If at all possible don't let the children see or hear the two of you yelling at each other.

Answer 3

Have you ever heard of the radio show called "This American Life?"

There's an episode about just this thing. You can listen to it for free online. It may really help you.

Its the first "act" in the program and its about this research that was done which concluded that what will determine a healthy, lasting marriage (I know you're not married, but its still relevant) is not how OFTEN a couple fights, but HOW a couple fights. Its really interesting. I recommend to all my friends having relationship issues, and its really helped quite a few of us understand some things. So your question is a really good one. Heres the link:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=261

Answer 4

dont argue in front of kids. they are smarted then you think. And as they grow up they might learn to have a lot of hatred in there hearts. if you can talk about things nice and calmly then do that. Most people argue out loud because they have kept so much inside that the only was they know how to bring it out. Screaming. then you risk the chance of saying something you don't mean that you can't take back after you said it.

Answer 5

you never ever ever argue in front of children. end of discussion they talk to there friends who talk to their mothers or teacher and though argueing is something everyone does it can turn out badly for you

second part there is a difference between discussing something and arguing about something discussing is when you listen to each others points of views. an arguement is when neither party bothers to consider the other's viewpoints learn the difference to show your child what is a healthy conversation and what isn't.

Answer 6

If it's just a disagreement, there is nothing wrong with the 3 year old seeing it. If it turns into a knock-down, drag-out fight you all need to get away.

Answer 7

First off, your weird for wanting to fight with a loved one. Second, don't do it in front of your daughter.

Now, if you really want to start a fight, cheat on him, wreck his car, or destroy is computer, PlayStation, etc.
Another thing I learned, if you let the little things eat at you, then they will end up blowing up into something big.
Also, withhold sex from him, that would really tick me off.
Ignore him, or cook him lousy food.
There are many ways to get under someones skin, but most sane people try to not start fights, and they defiantly try to avoid huge arguments. Yes, little arguments are fine and healthy, but large ones tend to have a disastrous affect.

Answer 8

There's no such thing as a 'good arguement' if you have a boyfriend you should be thankful and not want to argue with him. Enjoy the time you have together and don't argue.

Answer 9

Typically, you bring up every thing he has ever done, or not done, to you or for you in the relationship. You figure out who he least admires in his family, and compare him to that person. Tell him that you will take the kid with you, if he doesn't start doing the things expected of him, and if he asks what those things are, do not tell him. Instead tell him that he doesn;t pay enough attention to you, and that if he stopped watching tv all of the time he would know that things were not as good as he thinks they are.

Answer 10

yes its okey to argue, also it helps the raltionship. but NEVER, and i mean NEVER argue infront of a child. doesnt matter if the child is 14.
and a good arguentmet is where you agrue in the same terms as your sprouse does, somthing like that