i took care of her my whole life as she was always sick and i took care of her at home till she died .. she had heart/ lung failure.. i am having such a terrible time coping with her death..
has any one else had a experience like mine when a very loved one died, that they didnt know how to cope ? and if so what did you do to make things better ?
2007-09-27 15:26:38 · 14 answers · asked by Medusa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all i just wanted to thank all of you for your honest anwers, i was very touched by them all, if you still have old emails from your deceased loved one, keep them and any thing else you have of them also.. it is a piece of them for sure.. hugs and prayers and thank you to all of you..
2007-09-28 04:19:21 · update #1
My father has had one heart attack/ heart episode almost every year since I was 12. The first one was on Christmas Day. The pain started at 5:30 am but he didn't want to "ruin" the day for me and my then four year old brother and held out until 10 at night. We had a love hate relationship. He was stubborn as all h e l l and so was I. I didn't go to the right college, date the right boys, or say the right things, or dress the way he wanted me to. But I moved out and our relationship just blossomed. We talked on the phone at least once a week, and he was finally beginning to see that things didn't have to be his way or no way. I married my husband without telling him. He knew we lived together and hated it, but came and visited us the weekend before he died. It was wonderful. NO fighting, no tears. All laughs and smiles. He died the Tuesday after, March 20, 2007 of massive heart failure. Totally unexpected. I cried just this evening when I realized he never wrote down his philly cheese steak recipe for me like he was going to. . . when I see a can of beef broth, or drive by his old office. I'm choking up even now. It is SO incredibly hard. I have so many regrets. THings I want to say to him, things I want to share with him. Its hard. But I'm making it day by day, little by little. One breath at a time. When I get overwhelmed I take a deep breath and ask him to calm and guide me. I write him letters and leave them on his grave. I bring him flowers. I remember the good times, and actually laugh about all the stupid fights we had when I was growing up. It helps me to talk about him. With friends, haha apparently with strangers on yahoo answers!! I can't even bring myself to delete him from my cell phone, or delete his old emails. The pain isn't so raw and devastating as it was the day I heard the news, but it hasn't gone away. It never will. It will get easier I'm sure (I hope) but I'll never go a day without thinking about him. And I kind of like it that way. I'm sorry I rambled on so long! Good luck, and I hope you find something to ease your heart sweetie!
2007-09-27 16:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by mrs.v 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My mom had polio as a child got breast cancer when I was 12 and died from ovarian cancer when I was in my 20's. It is terrible when someone you love, has to go through so much. You will always have a hard time with this. Life isn't fair and your mom like mine was probably a really good person who had to suffer a lot. I see other women who have their moms to go shopping with or share a Starbucks and I wish so much that I could do that. They don't know what a blessing they have.
You probably know that your mom wanted you to be happy and now that you are free of responsibility for her, you should put every effort into doing that. You did your job in making her life as good as it could be while you had the chance. You will have no regrets to live with that are of your own making. Do your mother the honor of taking care of yourself and making the rest of your life the best it can be. A nice way to honor her memory would be to pick out a book that you recall her reading to you as a child and donating it to the town library. You will give the gift of joy to someone else, and the shopping for and placing that gift into many peoples hands will make you and your mom's special bond a gift to many. I wish you peace.
2007-09-27 22:44:41 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all have to die, but love, does not. You have to remember the good times you had with your mom and the love she had for your. You are a magnificent person and daughter for having taken care of your mom till her last days. Now you deserve to be happy.
The loss of a parent is the greatest loss of all, since no one in the world could possibly love you the way a parent loves you. Your mom would want to see you happy. The only way to cope with a loss like this, is with time. You will never forget your mom and in her case, being so sick, she is in a better place, so think that she will be happy knowing that you are well and happy. Try to go out with good people like you, talk it over with someone that will listen. If you have faith, pray for comfort and peace - it will be granted.
2007-09-27 22:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by Bea 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost my grandmother to cancer; it was very sudden and i was not in any way ready for it. She was like my mother to me my whole life and when she was sick, I was with her every day and night. When she finally passed I was sick with remorse, hurt, anger, basically every awful feeling there was, I was feeling it. I spoke to her every evening at 10p for years and still whenever the phone rings at that time, my first response is to think it is her. I could not be rationed with and banished the undertaker from her home calling him the grim reaper and it was so unlike me but i could not bare this awful pain I was feeling. I then would cry on her grave and could not step foot into her home; it was just too depressing. Then one day it was like I woke up and realized she would not want me to spend my life this way. She was full of life and vibrant; she was brazen more than anyone could believe and always made me laugh. Due to these memories I realized I must honor her by spreading the joy that she had taught me and I began to smile and make others laugh. As time has passed, I know she smiles whenever I do something silly just to make someone smile and it makes me feel better. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain will diminish but the whole in your heart will always remain. Fill this whole with the love she has taught you and share it with others; it will truely help you heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck.
2007-09-27 22:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by littleone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father to lung cancer about 6 years ago. He was not a smoker either...never! Anyways, it was extremely hard for me and it has taken a lot of time to be able to deal with it. Part of it, is just time. Time does not heal all the pain, but it does ease it a bit. I journaled for awhile. Just getting my feelings out really helped. If you are really having a hard time coping with just day to day living, maybe you need to see a grief counselor to help you get through this time. There is nothing wrong with that! Losing a parent is truly an extremely hard thing to cope with...I wish you all the best!
2007-09-27 22:34:50 · answer #5 · answered by ladybug 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you know what my mother died of cancer in 2003 and i still find it hard to cope i can't even look at her pictures she was the most important person in my life she was there for everything in my life and when it happened i cried maybe twice which i guess was my coping mechanism but that doesn't work so i write her letters every now and then just to let her know what is going on with me and the family i guess everyone is different but this seems to work for me but as for the pain i don't really think it ever goes away just keep your faith and remember god never gives you more than you can handle you will get through this.
2007-09-27 23:02:00 · answer #6 · answered by T.T. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It never goes away. Nor should it. Your mother was a big part of your life. Grief moves in stages through our hearts. Some people actually feel anger over toward love one's for leaving them alone. You are not alone though. Your friends share your sorrow but are strong enough to lean on. Talk to them about your mom. Tell them stories about how good she made you feel on those special occassions. Remember her, and cry, miss her, love her still. She is in a more perfect place now.
I think of my mom and dad even as I write this to you. I could tell you stories, just as you could tell me. The important thing is that even with the difficulties that your mom experienced remember the joy she brought to you, and the love she had for you. Not all people have those memories.
It's okay to cry! It is a tribute to her love. As those tears roll down your cheek your mom gently touches your face. It's a blessing to have loved so deeply.
Prayers do help to they allow you talk to your mom in a healthy way. Ask her to watch over you as you once watched over her.
Then, be brave and when the time is right move on with your mom's spirit guiding you.
2007-09-27 22:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by morstar150 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, you have my most sincere condolences.
Just remember she loves you, in a way she still lives, as long as she remains in your heart. I don't know your religious beliefs but, I'm sure she is still looking after you if only in spirit. Now its your turn to show her that she raised you properly, make your decisions on how to live your life in a way in which she would have wanted you too. It's OK to feel remorse, but now she doesn't have to suffer from her illness. She would want you to move on and live a happy fulfilled life, don't let her down.
When you have a family of your own, spread your mothers love from inside yourself into the hearts of your children. Though she may not be hear physically to love them... she can still love them through you. Her memory will live even longer through the stories that you them about her.
________
My Mom died when I was 23 years old. She never met her grandchildren... but they still remember her through me, they have tasted her Christmas cookies, ate her meatloaf and even received gifts from her... such as books and toys that I've received as a child passed down to them.
Take care
2007-09-27 23:01:04 · answer #8 · answered by Darren 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to grieve in your own way. I would tell you that time is going to make you feel better, but I know that sometimes isn't true. Take comfort in the fact that you did everything give her quality of life and a dignity even in the really bad parts of her illness and in death. Keep the faith that you did everything possible.
2007-09-27 22:35:49 · answer #9 · answered by Hobbs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. I really do understand what you're going through.You might want to confirm that you're not suffering from depression first. Not just being upset by the death of your mother. If you're not clinically depressed it will take time to get over the loss of someone so close to you, especially a Mother that you cared for. If you're clinically depressed, you need to treat that. Depression can be brought on by a dramatic experience, or loss. I hope you treat yourself well, eat right, be with friends, get plenty of rest and lots of sunshine. You'll start to feel better soon.
2007-09-27 22:33:03 · answer #10 · answered by Lori E 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋