What's the best joke you can think of? Easy 10 pts!
2007-09-25 19:49:49 · 6 answers · asked by Sheevy P 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's
given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the
doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first
with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called
Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."
2007-09-25 23:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by daniel*wm 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Top ten signs that you won't win "American Idol"
10. You dedicate "I Will Always Love You" to Saddam Hussein
9. Backstage, people say, "Are you still here?"
8. North Korea says if you lose they'll stop producing enriched uranium
7. Your mother says, "You're okay, but I'm really a big fan of Ruben"
6. You were recently named the three of clubs on the "Most Wanted Iraqi" playing cards
5. You've already appeared on another reality show -- "Cops"
4. Vegas gives you the same odds of winning it all as the Mets
3. You cancel your performance to stay home and watch "Jag"
2. Simon beats you with the microphone stand
1. Your voice is muffled by the SARS mask
2007-09-26 00:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Qualifying for Heaven
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
2007-09-25 23:39:36 · answer #3 · answered by daniel a 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
a man has been stranded by him self on an island for 10 years. He is very, very horny. He decides that he can either have sex with a wild pig, or a ferocious dog, which are both on the island... he is scared of the dog so he goes for the pig. As soon as he sneaks up on the pig, there comes the dog running after him trying to kill him, so he runs away. After 2 weeks of continuosly trying to have sex with that damn pig, a beutiful lady is washed ashore. she had drowned, but the man woke her up using mouth to mouth rescussitation... When she wakes up she is very grateful to the man, and she says to the man "oh i thank you sooooo much!!! I will do any thing, and i mean ANYTHING to repay you!" so the man says" well... there is one thing... would you mind keeping that dog distracted for an hour or so?"
2007-09-25 20:54:45 · answer #4 · answered by awesomely_lame 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
HERE GOES ONE FROM A RED NECK AND DONE THIS BEORE
96% OF AMERICANS SAY OH SH*T BEFORE GOIN INTO A DITCH. THE OHER 4% ARE FROM ILLINOIS AND SAY HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS SH*T
WANT ONE MORE
A WOMAN GOES TO THE DOC WITH A RASH ON HER PUS. DOC ASKS HOW OFTEN DO U HAVE SEX? SHE SAYS TWICE A YEAR. DOC SAYS THATS NOT A RASH THATS RUST
HOPE U LIKE THEM
2007-09-26 14:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by Nate Dogg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy goes to the doctor for an eye examination.
The doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy says, "Why-Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No-You are disturbing all the other people in the waiting room!"
2007-09-25 20:27:33 · answer #6 · answered by Dan K 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋