How do I get my 2 year old to listen to me?

Question

I have 2 year old twin girls. They BOTH listen to their daddy. I have to threaten them by sayin " I'm gonna get daddy " for them to listen to me. One of them listen to me to a certain extent, but the other one, not at all. I treat them both equally, what one has, the other has, what one gets the other gets, so its not a jealous issue! Any suggestions???

Answer 1

Don't give in on rules. Don't listen to whining. When they disobey you, suggest that they need quiet time and put them on the couch or something. They know when you mean something and when you don't and will push your boundaries. Also, give them positive attention when they are good, and remove your attention when they are bad, so they don't act up just to get your attention. Some positive parenting books might be good. Try "Redirecting Children's Behavior."

Answer 2

1) Try as much as possible to give them choices. i.e. Do you want to go in your chair, or would you prefer I carry you there?

2) We get phenomenal results with "the counting threat" - Whenever we tell them to come here, and they won't, we say, "you have 3 seconds to come here, or you are going to timeout. One...Two..." We rarely get to 3!

3) That's the 3rd leg of advice: Make sure you introduce timeout as the place they'll go to think about their crimes before they are released back into the public. When they've completed their 60-120 seconds to reflect, ask them what they did/why they are in timeout, explain why its important they listen, and then let them go...Make sure they at least stop screaming for a minute, so they learn that's what timeout means.

4) Good luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

First don't say I am gonna get daddy..
Look at them in the eyes, get down to their level and talk to them NOT at them. use calm words. Be firm , but not loud!
Tell them that you are their mother and they still have to listen to you as well. Have your husband tell them that too...
Another thing if he doesn't listen to you, and they see this they pick that up and will do the same thing. Not saying he is not but it happens to me... best of luck hope this helps

Answer 4

Yup.

For starters NEVER, EVER threaten them with Daddy.
"Well, gee, if Mommy seems to think she needs Daddy to handle ME, a two year old, then maybe *I* shouldn't be listening to her AT ALL!"

When the two of you are alone, confide in your husband and ask him for back-up. In other words, when they go running to him, he should say NOT,” What did your mother say?" as this makes you sound like the Bad Guy, BUT,” What were you told?"

Give them instructions with no hint of a laugh on your face. One giggle and your cover's blown.

Don't count to ten. All this teaches them is how to count to ten.

That, and wheedling, threatening, and other blow-hard methods only work the first two or three times. After that, gig's up. You've been found out and you'll hafta find something else.

So, rather then trying to find ways to make them listen, find ways to be consistent.

Don't allow them to jump on the furniture on Day One and then change your mind the next. Make sure you and their father have the same set of rules in mind. And don't undermine one another's authority with the children.

When they're babies and young children, save your yelling voice for ONLY EMERGENCIES!!! If they get used to it, and they find themselves with a ten-ton Mac truck barreling down on them, chances are they won't hear you 'cos they're so used to hearing your yelling voice that they've already tuned you out!

Also, make punishments consistent *and* appropriate for the crime. When they get older and you want to ground them for two weeks for staying out past curfew, then do so. And make sure they can expect the same sort of punishment the next time they pull the same stunt.

But don't give them two weeks punishment for smacking their sister's hand. See what I mean? Appropriate to the crime.

Also, when you do decide to ground them, don't let them off before their time limit is up or they may not take you seriously when you really need them to.

Curfews and open bedroom doors are in place for a reason; *their* safety, *your* sanity. Use the curfews and open bedroom doors to your advantage. They're both life-savers.

Oh, and if they can't deal with sitting in a bedroom with an open door, how would they like to be in the livingroom with *you*?

Internet parenting programs are out there for a reason. For all the good you want for your children, there are actually more whackos out there wanting to do them harm. Teach them that and don't be afraid to put your foot down when it comes to where they can go (both off and on the Net).

After all, who's the parent? You are, of course. And it's your job and privilege to keep them as safe and secure as you possibly can.

Once you show them who's boss and not the other way around, you'll be fine.

But above all, you and their father should always show a united front in front of the children. One crack in your armor and *they* rule the roost!

In the family unit, your home is your home. Don’t allow your children or any outsiders (well-meaning or not) to tear apart what you have. Once your door is closed at the end of the day, what goes on in your home, stays in your home. Don’t make your problems public. It can be misconstrued and present problems unto itself.

Also, one more thing, in this hellish society, don't allow your children to bully you around by threatening to call the authorities on you. Should it get to that point, it's a clear indication you've lost control.

Don't be caught making idle threats to your child, in public, either or you can count on saying hello to a lot of stupid questions from a lot of authoritarian sources!

Hmm, did I leave anything out?

Oh yeah, hugs and kisses and lotsa, lotsa praise! No favoritism on your part and don't allow others to do it. I have three children; my friends and family refused to acknowledge that I have three. They always wanted to do something for or give something to, my daughter, leaving her two biological brothers out!

No. The same goes for you as for others: if you can't do for all, don't do for one.

Oh, should one child get into trouble and you haven't heard it directly from the children yet, don't make them narc on one another. That's a quick way to get them to turn on *you*. They'll come to you when they're ready. That, and if you act as if you know what's going on, everything comes out, anyway. Just wait... ; )

Oh, should you feel compelled to ah-hem, "spank" them. Open palm on the bottom is allowed. And if pressed, you *are* allowed to "hit" your child, just don't leave a bruise.

Not saying that you'll find yourself in the position, BUT given this crazy and chaotic society we live in that has the government governing our families, I thought I'd throw that in.

When they become teens and should happen to hang out with a tough crowd, give them a small bit of advice and nudge them along the right path. Don't yank them out of their friends' lives. The more you pressure them, the more they'll want to do what *they* want to do. And if their friends *are* of the wrong crowd, you'll land your kids right where that bad crowd wants them, with *them*.

Be a good mother, be there for them and remember this: The greatest gift any father can give to his child is to love their mother. This also applies to mothers.

I hope this has helped a little.

Good luck and all my best...