Why do we fall in love with the people that we do? and is there any way to control who we fall in love with?

Question

I think, no i know that im falling in love with someone that i absolutely positively cant and shouldnt fall in love with (ironically). What do i do about it?

So why do we fall in love with the people that we do, and is there any way to control who we fall in love with?

Answer 1

I have to be honest with you sweetie it sucks but no i don't believe you can control your feelings on that level. The most i think you can do if you are falling for someone you don't believe you should be falling for is leave it alone before you actually fall in love with them. Also understand there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with somone so distinguish between the two or you could end up in a relationship you later realize you don't wanna be in. I can't say why we fall in love with the ppl that we do. I joined the military not to long ago and i have found someone that i connect with on levels that i never have connected with anyone before. Problem is he is taken and now i'm in a situation i need to get out of but don't have no desire to. Matters of the heart can be strange sometimes. Its up to you how you deal with them

Answer 2

Well without writing a complete text on psychology here, I will say that we tend to gravitate to the familiar.
So if your psycological make-up says that you are most familiar being in an abusive environment, then you will tend to seek out a partner who will be a co-contributor in an abusive relationship with you. (just as an example)

Is there a way to control who we fall in love with?
Yes! Not necessarily who, but the type of personality of the person you will seek out as a partner.
Awareness can be a key factor. Being aware of the kind of person you are, & the kind of people you seek out to be with can help, so you have a chance of catching yourself when you are making a mistake. (Kind of like you are doing now)
Self awareness is an important part of bringing about change in ones life. But you have to also be aware of certain goals that you may set for yourself.

For example: If you have a goal of meeting & marrying a doctor, then you might want to steer clear of bars where the truckers hang out.

See what I mean?

Answer 3

I believe yes we can. If you know that a person is all wrong for you, then you can tell your mind that. Not just once. But often. To me thats what makes us learn from past relationships. How to avoid the same heartache over and over. If your not learning, then you need to pay more attention.

Lets put this in another perspective. Using stress as an example. You get stressed over something, you go on. You get stressed over it again. You now have learned that this situation stresses you out so from that point on you do your best to avoid it.

Same principle, just in a little different way. Love is tricky. You cant always avoid falling in love. But you can learn what to watch for. Sometimes people can hide things well, so that makes it harder once there are serious feelings there.

Answer 4

We fall in love because something just clicks.As far as can we help it I would say no.We cannot control our inner feelings.Look at some of these women that fall in love and marry people in jail for life.Never getting out of jail but have trailer visits for sex and get married.If you could control that I think we would.

Answer 5

I get where your coming from and wish I knew but I don't so when you find out let me know. I think it just happens in your heart even when its so wrong.

I am muslim and have fallen in love with my boyfriend of 4 years who is a catholic, I didnt know at first it would last this long but now I know I shouldn't have fallen in love with him as he is of different faith but I love him and cant help it and dont know what to do - my parents would never accept it!

Good luck

Answer 6

you really dont have any control over who you fall in love with ---- and i could not even say what it is that makes you fall in love --- may lady is so so unsuited to me --- for so many reasons --- yet we met and fell in love right from the beginning --- i still cant explain it but i accept it and dont want it to change --- best wishes

Answer 7

It plausible which you have been pronounced with that coaching. If that is all you have familiar because you grew up, that all and sundry you will do. anybody who grow to be born into this worldwide grow to be born into sin. We have been born into the bondage of sin. And as quickly as we are in bondage we are completely guaranteed to the needs of our fleshly thoughts. And it extremely is the place demons are available in. Demons paintings on your flesh and motivate lustful desires and that they consult from you consistently all day and all night to tempt you. So what happens as sinners we provide in to that voice. there is even a demons which has the sensation of love, even nonetheless that is a imitator. So, it extremely is the reason Jesus Christ got here to interrupt us unfastened from the effect of demons and the bondage of sin and our flesh. That shall we stroll in freedom, peace, and in the affection of God. you may in basic terms be unfastened with the aid of the Blood of Jesus Christ. you would be captive to sin now, yet God will open a door so you may be unfastened in case you want to be unfastened. God does provide you a decision.

Answer 8

yeah ...to SOME extent you can control it...it depends on how your father is...as far as the type of men you will date...your relationships with your father is very telling as far as the type of men you will like..

if your father is a sloppy drunk...I am not saying your bfs will all be like that..but after a few years of marriage they could end up that way...of course they won't be like that while you are both single or dating..

that said...if you date good men who do the right things..why discriminate one man from another if you love him? what has he done so horrbily wrong for you to not date him?

Answer 9

YES!! there is a way not to fall in love with someone that you don't want to fall in love with don't put yourself in that situation don't do someone that you don't want to fall in love with don't get yourself involved with the other person.

Answer 10

well they actually say we fall in love about 2-4 times in our life time

and when you're attracted to that person, theories state it's because they have the same flaws as you, odd as that is, and u can relate to them, thats why you're attracted to them, but who said you shouldn't or couldn't fall in love? we can't pick and choose who we love.