my 13 y/o boy is my baby, but he has a girlfriend now and i am feeling kind of jealous...?

Question

i love my son with all of my heart. he is all i have. i never had any brothers or sisters, and my parents died when i was 14. i had my son at 17. but my boyfirend left me bcuz he couldnt hadle a son. but i needed my baby, i had no one, and i thought, i knew, my life was perfect with just him. but now he is 13, and he has a girlfriend. i am happy for him bcuz he works out and cleans his face and tries to style his hair perfectly everyday instead of not caring about hygine and being lazy. he is mommys little man :) but lately he has been with his girlfriend a lot, and i think they have been making out and i feel really weird about it. i am kind of jelous, but i dont want to interfere bcuz he has a lot of respect for me, and i respect him and his privacy. he even asked me if it was ok for him to have a gf!! i have never heard of that before...ususally they just hide it from the parents! anyway, what do i do to stop feeling this way...also, is this normal? i am 30 not btw

Answer 1

I think it's normal to feel that way. He's still your son, at least that will never change.

Answer 2

It's time to start letting go. Sounds like you have raised a great boy so far, but at 13 he needs to develop his own life, friends, etc. apart from you. You're very close and it's not surprising you feel a bit sad. He will need you to be in the background supporting him for a few years yet, but now you need to develop a life of your own with an identity that is more than just as his mom. Do some volunteering, join a book club, work out -- this is an opportunity for you to do some things just for you!

Answer 3

It's normal to love your kids, but it sounds like you may have invested ALL of your life to your child and that is not good for you or your son. First - you - The inevitable is going to happen and your son is going to grow up, meet girls, get married and start a family of his own. You will always be his mama, but your life is going to be very lonely and sad if you don't make some relationships of your own. Secondly - him - You have put a lot more pressure on him than any child should have. He obviously feels that HE is responsible for YOU or he wouldn't be asking you if it was ok to have a gf. It's not fair for him to feel guilty for doing the normal things that a boy his age does. If you get your own life and make your own relationships than it will allow him to grow up - guilt free.

Answer 4

Well it is kinda strange for you to feel jealous.Maybe that's not the correct description of your feelings.Maybe you are just ready to let him grow up.Are you single or do you have an significant other?Maybe deep down you might feel he's to young to have a girlfriend.Either way be careful and not to trusting because even the most trust worthy kids can make mistakes and let things get out of hand.So stay in his business because even 13 yr olds can have babies.He's still young enough for you to be his mom.Good luck and god bless.I think your doing a good job being concerned.

Answer 5

I think you have a real good kid, that ask Mom before getting a girlfriend, but Mom you have to let go and let him have a life with others his own age. It is not healthy for him not to be close with anyone but you, the fact that you feel jealous that he may be making out with a girl, concerns me, you may have developed an obsession with your son, talk to a professional about it okay.

Answer 6

Sounds like it's time for mom to get her own life, and I mean to say it very gently, because I have two boys and they're momma's boys, too! It's going to be hard, but you're better off letting him loosen those apron strings.
At the same time, 13 is still young, and it sounds like he may need someone to talk to (a male role model), or you might end up being Grandma before you know it. I'd talk to your son's school, and see if they have any mentor programs for him, and start looking for a life outside for yourself while you're at it (gently!).

Answer 7

He's growing up and you're doing a good job raising him because he respects you enough to ask about having a girlfriend. Don't worry that you're jealous; it's like anxiety because you think he might abandon you like his father did now that he has a gf. But he's still young and still will need your wisdom and guidance for a long time to come.

Answer 8

I know how you feel except the boy was my cousin, it's normal, i guess. I felt like his gf was taking him away from me, it was just me and him for so long and then "she" came along. I never told him how I felt and I got over it eventually, and so will you. I know a cousin is way different than a son but I am sure we probably had that same jealous feeling. It will pass. You just need to get used to the situation. (Neither one of us had brother's or sister's so he was like my older brother.)

Answer 9

Dealing with watching a person that you see as a child take their first steps into romance is scary, strange, and sometimes hurtful. My younger sister recently became sexually active and I had a very hard time dealing with it. I think there is fear involved as well. If they get so wrapped up in their relationship that they don't need us, what will we do then? It is a part of life, and though it is hard, it's common and you will get used to it. He still loves and needs you and youre and awesome loving mom!

Answer 10

He may have a girlfriend, but I can assure you that it is not the only one that he will ever have. There are plenty more to come before he finally finds the right girl. This is all normal behavior for an adolescent boy. You've just got to accept that your baby boy is growing up!

Answer 11

I think you are feeling jealous because you feel like his affections are going to someone else. He still loves you and needs you. You are his mom and no one will ever replace you. You just need to reassure yourself of that. Maybe you are feeling jealous because you have not been spending that much time with him lately. You two should have a day with just the 2 of you, go to lunch, talk, go shopping, movies, something anything. Talk to him about everything. I truly wish you the best of luck!