My husband and i have been married for 3 years now and i want a real wedding, we got married through a civil court because we were both in the army and now i am out. Ive started planning it but my husband told me there is no point to it that we are all ready married...im catholic and i already messed up by not having a holy matrimony and now i want to have one. it will mean so much to me....im starting to think my husband doesnt even love me as much as he says he does....what do you guys think?
2007-09-25 15:40:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
oh and the rings he bought me were like 300 bucks including his......im so upset and sad.....
2007-09-25 15:44:07 · update #1
we did a civil court marrige....it was just him and me......how could i have been soooo stupid......
2007-09-25 15:54:56 · update #2
we wore jeans and a jacket...i was deploying thats why we got married....he even told me he wanted a wedding up until his mom said "what for?"
2007-09-25 16:14:23 · update #3
You are certainly entitled to have your marriage blessed. That can be done quietly by your local priest.
If hubby is avoiding the big ceremony, then don't have one. Just ask your priest to quietly bless your marriage one day at the church, following a regular Mass.
Have a few friends join you. Wear something pretty. Maybe hubby will agree to taking everyone out to lunch after?
I suggest you discuss a quiet blessing with hubby, and then call your priest to make arrangements for it. Best solution, right? You get the church blessing that is important to you, but hubby gets to avoid the hoopla of a big ceremony. Good luck to you. I hope your hubby will agree.
And yes, I would be worried for any marriage where the partners involved were unable to reach a compromise.
2007-09-25 23:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The was I see it is, whats the point in a wedding if there is no celebration of the love it repesents? And it sounds like this is what you want. I completely agree that you should have the ceremony for yourself, your husband, your future memories and your religion.
If it is important to you it should be important to your husband. Tell your husband that it doesn't have to be big or expensive. It is possible to just do it with close friends and family, and on a budget.
People will say there is no point getting married again as you are already legally married, but after 3 years a defacto couple would be in the same legal situation regardless. It's not about being legal or already done it, it's about the celebration, the shared joy.
Every girl dreams of her perfect wedding day, it is one day in your entire life (hopefully not more than once!) where you tell the world of your love, why should you be cheated of it.
2007-09-26 02:40:36 · answer #2 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd spend the money on a late honeymoon instead.
But if you want a church wedding for the whole holy matrimony thing, why not just have a really small one? Since you're already legal, just do a nice dress, he can wear a suit (or uniform?), have a handful of friends/family attend, a few flowers, and a small cake. I don't know how much it costs to use a church's services/location, but the rest should stay under $1,000 pretty easily.
And guys don't get weddings. My husband would've been fine going to the courthouse, and he would've absolutely said no if I demanded a huge one. I had about 20 people total at mine (incl. us), which was what I wanted. It was cheap, intimate, and perfect.
2007-09-25 22:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by Maebnus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand you're feeling deprived b/c you didn't have a wedding reception. (As someone pointed out, you *did* have the wedding, it just wasn't the wedding of your dreams.) Given that you're already married, you can't turn back time and have the Cinderella wedding. Perhaps you can have a 4th or 5th anniversary party with vow renewal instead.
Just b/c he disagrees about the "wedding" doesn't mean he doesn't love you as much as he says he does. IMO, you are focusing too much attention on a "wedding" and not enough on the marriage.
FWIW, while I understand you feeling deprived (unnecessarily IMO), I happen to agree with him. There's no point in spending all that money in the "wedding industrial complex" to pretend to be having a wedding when you're already married. But by all means have the fun and fellowship of an anniversary party with vow renewal.
Having both been in the army, I'm sure you realize there are far more important things in life than missing out on your dream wedding.
2007-09-25 23:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So, maybe being married is not what you wanted in the first place, Maybe it was the pomp and circumstance of a expensive fantasy wedding.
You are married, I don't care what religion you are , in the eyes of the world you said I do . either you meant it or you lied 3 years ago. Now you want to take money and blow it on one big redundant wedding?
We bought 2 wedding bands for $17.00 in a pawn shop and there is no way I would replace them with anything.Or wedding was small also, but the marriage is still going almost 40 years later. I think you are making to much out of nothing.
2007-09-25 23:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ring thing isnt a big deal, my fiances step mom and his dad got cheap rings for their wedding, and then each year they go out and pick eachother out new cheap ones, that way they arent stuck with outdated rings, and each year when they show up with the ring its like the wedding all over again the ring isnt a symbol of money it signifies love.
And the wedding to you seems to only be because of money, love would have said we already had our wedding day, it was amazing without the big dress and all. And we love eachother thats all that matters.
Maybe do a vow renewal with the family, but three years alter you cant have a wedding.
2007-09-26 03:59:57 · answer #6 · answered by chattergurl1986 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did have a real wedding; it just wasnt the wedding of your dreams. It would be awkward to have "another" wedding at this point. I say wait until your 10 yr anniversay and do a vow renewal ceremony at your church.
If you are doubting your husbands love, I daresay that the missed dream wedding is not the only problem here. The quality of a marriage is not conditional on whether the wedding was fabulous. Consider it.
2007-09-25 22:52:05 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are already married! Frankly I would just wait until my fifth or tenth wedding anniversary and do a renewal of vows ceremony.
As for the rings… SO WHAT if they were only $300 total???????? I call your husband SMART, as it’s ONLY a ring. A RING DOES NOT MAKE THE MARRIAGE.
You were smart. You were deploying and wanted to make sure your husband was being taken care of.
Do you love him? THAT is all that matters.
2007-09-26 11:39:08 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't see that the ritual makes the marriage. After all, does professing your love publicly make it any more real?
Having said that, I really didn't want a big, public wedding, spending thousands of dollars to publicly 'prove' my love for my wife. I hope that I do that every day in a lot of different ways. But we had one. Why? It made her happy.
I still don't see why it was really necessary, but it was important to her, so i sucked it up and did it because we could afford it. I'm not sure that I would have felt the same 3 years after the fact, but I would probably have gone ahead and done it if it wasn't going to be a huge financial burden.
You seem to be questioning his love for you based on the fact that he does not share your desire to have a 'real' wedding. Doesn't that make you wonder whether he should be questioning your love for him because you are insisting on something that he doesn't want to do?
If your marriage can flounder because of something so superficial, I would think that there are deeper problems that need to be explored.
2007-09-25 22:56:27 · answer #9 · answered by Lloyd B 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think I would stick to my guns and we would be having some serious talks about what's important. Personally, I could never understand having a church wedding after the civil one, but I have many Catholic friends and over the years I've come to understand how important it is to them. For some reason, the women especially, don't feel "legally" married without having been married in the Church. As I said, I'd stick to my guns and he would prove his love to me by marching down that aisle with me!!!
Good luck.
2007-09-25 22:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋