Getting fiance involved into wedding plans.?

Question

I am 10 months from getting married and My fiance and his mother have put no input into my our wedding. My Fiance acts like he dosen't care and My Future MIL is just acting cold.The really sad thing is My fiance is from Russia and he is an only child. His own mother wont help with her only childs wedding but His mother will fly 12,000 miles to siberia to attend her nephews wedding.My hand are tied and I am starting to feel like I am going to marry myself...What can I do to get them involved.?

Answer 1

My wife put her wedding together in 2 weeks (long story). She asked me if I cared what, where, etc. I just told her "Tell me what time and I'll be there." I just wanted to marry her. I didn't care if it was in a church or a cemetery, large or small guest list, food or no food, band or no band. She had things pretty well planned in her head already. She just made a few phone calls and booked everything. Wedding was lovely, she was beautiful, reception was a blast. That was 41 yrs ago.

Answer 2

Having read all the pushy MIL problems on this board, you are definitely better off with your MIL not volunteering input. It's not her place. I wouldn't automatically interpret that as being "cold." If you want her input on something specific, e.g. what kind of cake to have, ask her.

Re. your fiance: When a woman is all abuzz planning a wedding, the groom usually just sits back and lets her plan. There are 2 approaches you can take: 1. the category approach that Fizzystuff explained or 2. asking his specific advice on certain things: band vs. dj, tux vs. suit, etc. I did a combination of those approaches: my fiance knows quite a bit about wine and classical music, so I asked him if he wanted to make those selections. He said, no, he's fine with what the caterer, musicians, and I select. I have no problem with that at all. But admittedly I do like being in charge. :-)

Answer 3

To get your fiance involved, you may have to lead him a bit. Tell him how much you value his opinion and how you want this to be a celebration that reflects both of you. With that in mind, see if he can come with you to look at big things like the site, the flowers, the DJ.

If he's not that into it, try to deal with the details yourself--just make sure he has plenty of opportunities to answer questions like "I like ____ colors, what do you think?" And be open to his brainstorms (you can rule out any bizarre ideas later). Be sure he knows that this is important to you.

As for the MIL, I don't have much input there, but just make sure that she's aware of your planning process and ask her if there's any advice or input that she would like to give. That's all you can do, I would think.

Good luck & congratulations!

Answer 4

I understand where your coming from im getting married in 11 months and i nearly have to give my fiancee a list of things to do for the wedding sometimes thats what you have to do to get them involved. And the MOTHER IN LAW. I have my hands full with mine she hasnt offered to do anything or any kind of advice so i just dont worry about it anymore who cares anyways if she doesnt help out. Usually the bride does all the planning but dont stress it just ask him to something.

Answer 5

me and my husband has been married for about a month.before we got married he was the same way and his family was like I don't see why you two just don't go to the court house and get marry. Well my parents have always wanted their only daughter to have a wedding so we did but if I could go back and chance everything I would just because if that person and his family don't won't to get involved then when you do get married it's going to be the same way. Been married is so stressful and my life was so much better when I was single. Think about what you are doing.

Answer 6

My advice to you is don't depend on anyone to help. Act like they don't even exist. Trust me, you don't want you MIL involved, the less input the better. My MIL was extremely difficult during my wedding planning. (my husband is Indian--South Asian) major cultural differences but we love each other and we worked it out.

As far as your husband, men are not touchy feely. I planned my wedding in 4 months you have some time, plan on your dress. He'll come around when you get closer to the date.

Answer 7

Why do you want the MIL to help??? Usually that just makes it more difficult lol.

Ask your fiancee what things he cares about in regards to the wedding. My fiancee has just some specific cares, for example, photography. Other than that I just pick everything down to a couple choices, and he helps me pick from there. I think he finds all the choices either overwhelming or stupid, so I think he likes it when I simplify it for him.

Answer 8

find something about the wedding that he will find interesting and let him plan that part. that way he will have helped with some of it but he didn't have to be involved in every decision. my fiance is involved in EVERYTHING whether i like it or not. the only think he didn't really say much about was the flowers. but with the invites and cake he wouldn't be quiet. lol. that's alright that way if anything goes wrong it won't all be on me.

Answer 9

Dont worry about his mother- just appreciate the fact that shes not smothering you with HER dreams!!
To get your fiance involved, ask him if he would like to be in charge of any "category"- for example, transportation to & from the wedding, finding a photographer, etc. If he can choose what to do, he may be more likely to get involved in it. Maybe just dont ask him to tie bows or his opinion on colors, this may turn him off. Dont shoot down his ideas, either.

Answer 10

First, forget about his mother helping. Extend the offer, but if she doesn't accept then leave it.

Then, ask your Fi what HE wants for the wedding. Most guys like food and such, so get him in charge of the menu or something.

Give him one task that will interest him and see what happens from then.