Parents!Am I helping to much??

Question

My foster son,who's in the 6th grade has to do a report.In the report he has to say who it was,where he was from,what he was doing at the time of his death,who found the body,when he was found and how!It required a lot of research,which I did most of.I'm helping him sum it up and showing him where what goes and why.I do keep remindeing him he is writing the REPORT his self.I just want to know if I'm helping out to much?
This is a first for me,being that my daughter hasn't even started school.Parents what do you think?

again,he is my FOSTER son.He started the school year with us,and he is a little behind.He is a very bright boy,but he missed almost 1/2 a school year and was always late his grades suffered and he didn't learn!This was before he was with us!I do give him pretest and make him study,check his work ect.But,as far as the report,I'm afaid I'm going to far.

I just wanted to say by behind I mean the
last 5 fives.He is doing really good so far this year,his grades are up and test score are great!But this is the first he has had someone look over his work,and have him do corrections

Answer 1

I applaud you for asking; it means you want to do the right thing. You should take him to the library, listen to him, make a couple of suggestions and that's it. Teachers assign work based on the grade level of the class and reports/projects are to teach them to budget their time, research information and put it together. As much fun as it as, and as much as you want him to succeed, he will soon learn that with a few right words, he can get out of doing 1/2 his work...... Encourage, support, give rides and a suggestion or two... but that's where it should end. You want him to learn how to buckle down when he has to and how to wrestle with things til he can master them himself......

Answer 2

If he is overwhelmed by the project, certainly help. I wouldn't go as far as doing the work for him. What I do with my kids is organize them in steps. If they have a big project, I first let them explain to me the requirements and what steps need to be taken to finish. If they have a good understanding I let them have at it. If they seem to be struggling with a certain part of the project I explain what needs to be done and how they can do it. One child might not understand the research aspect, one might not know how to organize the research. Just explain to him the aspect he needs help with. Let him write his report in his own words. The only thing I ever help out with at this point is the proofread for grammar and spelling. I don't mess with content. Trust me, the grade will come back with notes about content and this is how they learn. He will know more the next time he has a project. My son is in 7th grade and just did his first project totally on his own. It was wonderful! He knew what steps to take from previous projects and just jumped in and did the work. Guide him through the steps and you'll teach him how to be more independent. Good luck :)

Answer 3

I hope some of these answers were meant to be sarcastic. If a 6th grader gets a report that requires research, then they're supposed to do the research. You can help them figure out where to look if they don't have any research skills, you can give encouragement, answer questions, etc., but, goodness, are the kids supposed to be graded on how smart their parents (or foster parents) are? Is your research on this silly school assignment going to help him with the research skills he needs at his first job? Of course don't do the research for him. If he needs to know, teach him *how* to research. And don't write for him. If he's not a good writer, show him how to do an outline, etc.

Answer 4

With my first grader, I vetted a few websites on her subject and then helped her to find them - but she had to print out the pages and underline the important facts. Then she had to write an outline and finally write complete sentences to cover all the facts.

If a first grader can do all that, certainly a 6th grader can. You can "pre-research" to find 3 or 4 websites, or the right section of the library to direct him toward, but he should be doing the reading, writing and organizing.

Given that he has specific questions to answer, he should be able to read the research material w/ those questions in mind.

There are stories of parents who are still helping their children with their reports when they're adults, even calling their bosses to negotiate salary. Please don't set your foster son up for this - because he won't have a mommy to take care of him when he's 18.

My parents were foster parents and made it a rule not to take children who were younger than their own children, both to have some experience with the different stages of development, and for the safety of my brother and me.

Answer 5

It's so hard to not want to completely just take over and have them watch. Was he with you while you were doing the research so that he could see how it was done? Helping him sum things up is perfectly normal, he may not know how to put into words what he wants just yet. If he was a little behind when school started, he may have needed a bit more help with the project. Next time though, take a less hands on approach and see how he does on his own, only helping when he asks.

Answer 6

How is the child ever going to learn to independently research and do his own work if you do it for him? Yes, you're helping too much. By his age, the only help you should be giving is checking homework for completeness. You might want to explain a problem if he's having trouble in Algebra or something, but not doing his research for him. Teachers need parents to back off and allow their child to make mistakes. How else are teachers supposed to know what the kids grasp and what they still need to work on?

Answer 7

He's going to learn the best by doing it himself, which is probably why he got the assignment in the first place. If you do it for him, next time he has a report to do, are you going to do that one too? People learn by trying things out themselves, making mistakes, and adjusting what they have learned to perfect the technique that they are trying to learn. I'm sure he loves having you do the report, but next time he has one, it will probably be worth more points seeing as he's supposed to have the experience of doing a report and supposed to have started to master the skills needed to do so.
I would let him do it, and if he has questions, try to answer, but in the end, let him figure it out.

Answer 8

There is really a advantage an a disadvantage see my sister is the same way with my cousin she is always doing his homework so that he wont cry but the advantage is that he sees what to do and gets a better understanding but the disadvantage is that he is not learning and that in the future he will take advantage of you. What I think you should do is show him an example and then let him try on his own.

Answer 9

I think so Mom, we all want to give our kids all the help we can and help them excel, but I think it's best to help him do the research, as in where to find it and let him take it from there. If he needs help understanding the information, then help him out,let him write the report in his own words and then you proof read it and help make any needed corrections.I sympathize with you, I have been tempted to do just as you did, that's just being a mom.

Answer 10

as long as he is learning then you are fine.

if you are sitting on the computer while he is watching tv then no...not good.

you want to make sure he learns from the report, after all thats why he was assigned it. make sure he can talk about the report and have a true understanding, not just a memory of it.

my mom used to help me with reports, but she would guide me not do it. she would help me look up things if i was having a hard time as well.