What is wrong with me? Why am I so abusive?

Question

I am an 18 year old female. Ally my life I been an incredibly nice girl. I never made fun of kids as a child, i never disrespected adults or anyone. I grew up with an abusive father, who was always violently fighting with my mother. Now, that I am in a relationship, I am abusive. My amazing boyfriend of 2.5 years has done NOTHING wrong. Never once has he called me a mean name, he won't even curse in front of me. He has never cheated or made me jealous in any way. Basically he is perfect. Some how I still manage to get angry at him almost everyday i say things like "you are worthless" " i hate you" "get out of my life" "you make me miserable" etc. I know i do not mean these things at all. He is the most amazing person i have ever met. My question is why do i treat him like this. Thank God he is tolerable of my problem, he never gets angry when i yell and he tells me that he understands why i act like this. He is so understanding. How can i stop acting like this, what is wrong with me?

Also, i have had previous boyfriends and i never treated any of them like this before. I never loved any of them like i love him though.

Answer 1

We all become victims of our environment.What we grow up with has a powerful influence on who we are.Being that we can see our mistakes we have to make a conscious decision to change.We are all masters of our environment and we have to make ourselves change to fit it.You need to slow down and think before you speak.Also try to find out what is giving you so much anger and learn to deal with it.

Answer 2

If he says he understands why you act like this, why not ask him??? It could be that you are afraid of becoming your mother... stuck in an abusive relationship. If you can abuse your bf first, then he won't dare abuse you, is another school of thought. Do you really think most men are like your dad? It sounds like you have lots of resentment toward your mother, too, like why didn't she act like you're acting so she could have gotten out of her situation sooner.

You need some counseling to find the real reason for your anger and to let it go. What is the past, is the past and you have a whole future ahead of you. Don't ruin it. Start with a clean slate so your future will be happy and not abusive and miserable. Good luck.

Answer 3

It's normal to repeat or at very least have a great temptation to repeat the patterns from childhood family especially with people you are close to. There is alot of anger/emotions that need to be expressed, so if you don't find a healthier outlet such as writing, talking, therapy, you will let it out in more destructive ways. Make sure you resolve most of these issues before you have kids, people have an even greater tendency to do to their kids what was done to them if these patterns are not understood.

Answer 4

I was raised by an abusive father and I treat my boyfriend with love and kindness. In fact, I spoil him rotten. Your boyfriend deserves better of you. Perhaps you can attend an anger management class or go to counseling for your abusive problem. Good luck!

Answer 5

Chances are that it is partly because of what you learned as a child from your father. The other part may be hormones. I started a birth control pill and I went nutty. I was mean, cranky, crying all the time. It was hell! Then I switched to another birth control method. I'm much better now.

Answer 6

You need to break the abuse cycle. Most children will copy their parents behaviour but you can change that, please do not have any children until you have a stable and abuse free relationship OR the cycle will continue. If you have strong feelings for your man you will want to change. Good Luck

Answer 7

You are repeating the pattern of your father You have to go in therapy or you will be miserable all your life

Answer 8

Get into therapy and work out your issues. It will only get worse if you don't.

Answer 9

I'll pray for you.