Help with time out?

Question

Can any one tell me how to sucessfully give my daughter time out? She is 20 months old and has a strong personality. I don't even know if she will sit still long enoug. Any ideas are welcome, but please no "beat your child", or "time outs are stupid", or any nonsense! Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

We do time-outs with my 15-month-old. First, she's given a stern warning and a "if you do X again, you're going in time out.."

If she DOES do X again, we say, "You're going in time-out because ...." and then carry her to her time-out spot.

At her age, we use her old exersaucer (she doesn't play in it anymore) because she's not old enough to sit still on her own.

We leave her there for one minute (it should be one minute for each year of age).

Then we lift her out, saying, "Tell mommy you're sorry for X." (She doesn't actually SAY sorry at this age, but we're working on it.) "Mommy forgives you, give me a hug and a kiss."

Then the matter is dropped.

Sometimes she pushes the limits, but usually the warning is now enough to stop the behavior. She certainly IS old enough to understand why she's in time out, and it is very effective for her.

(We've also tried slapping the hand, but we had to stop that because it just snowballs ... she pulls my hair, I say no or I'll slap your hand, she does it again, I slap her hand, she pulls my hair harder in retaliation, etc....)

Answer 2

My youngest has a very strong personality also. I have told her many times, "you are so lucky I am not a spanking mama". I found the corner more effective on her than time out, but either way I have had to hold her there many times. Of course not squishing her or hurting her just hold here there. I also feel my daughter is too stubborn for the 1 minute per year, she is so mad she cannot see past her anger in one or 2 minutes, we would do 5. It would give her time to calm down and then think or realize why she was there. I also did not allow her to scream the whole time, the time does not start until she was relatively quiet.
Consistency is the key especially with a strong willed child. You have to call them on it every time no matter how irritated you are and no matter how many times you have already gotten up. Warn once and act. Do not yell or fight, just get up and act, it will sink in that you mean business soon enough.

Answer 3

It is never too early to start disciplining your children. My daughter is very strong-willed and I regret we did not start time-outs much earlier. But if you are going to discipline via time outs then you have to be consistent and, above all, do it right. When I mean do it right, I mean do it quickly, without getting emotional and without a sermon. If you overreact and get too emotional then you show that your buttons are being pushed and you are not in control and are giving them a "payoff" of attention to the negative behavior instead of focusing attention to positive behavior. If you give a sermon it will be of no use since they do not understand at this age and much less in the heat of the moment. Simply put them in time out (sitting somewhere away from the activity they were involved in) and keep putting them there if they get up or don't want to comply. Always gently, of course and without saying a word, you cannot argue and "negotiate" with a toddler. Keep putting them there time and time again and eventually they will walk there themselves and the bad behavior will be minimized and you will start to ENJOY your child. Just reacting swiftly to the bad behavior and giving a direct consequence without sermons and emotions works WONDERS. I also read "1-2-3 Magic" and this method really works, even with a very strong willed child. But even strong willed children need boundaries, I would venture to say they might even need them more than others and they will welcome them if they are consistent and done in a loving manner. It is difficult to have a strong willed child, you are always questioning your methods since they are always testing you again and again, very stubborn, but keep up the consistency and don't second guess yourself.

Answer 4

My granddaughter is a very, very strong willed child. We started her time outs at about the age of your daughter. I would show her the time out spot & sit her down there. At first she would always try to sneak away (I had to try not to laugh).
I am not a young 'chick' anymore...cant keep running back to put her in the spot so I would sit with her (1 minute per age) quietly. I would just sit her down again if she tried to get away. My granddaughter is now 4 & she is actually very good about doing her time out. But she is a determined kid & the time outs don't keep her from doing the same bad behavior again. At least the time outs make her know I will follow through on my threats of a time out.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I have been a mom for 28 years (4 kids, ages 28, 26, 22, and 10) plus I have been a child care provider in my home for 20 years and have an early elementary teaching degree. Your daughter is too young for a time-out to be used with any consistent success. Your best form of discipline at this stage is "distraction". She is too young to fully understand the meaning of the word "no" and needs more hands-on guidance along with verbal guidance. She is learning a lot and will require a lot of repetition and encouragement. Teaching should be a first goal before resorting to any form of punishment. As an example: Your daughter refuses to leave the buttons alone on the television. Every time she touches them, you physically go to her, take her by the arm or hand while saying, "The buttons on the television are only for mommy and daddy to use.", then you take her to something that she can play with and say "You may not touch the television buttons, but you can push the buttons on this toy." You may have to do this 30 times a day at first, but consistency is the key. Eventually, she will stop touching the buttons on the TV and if it takes her longer than your patience can hold out, then you find a way to block the buttons so she can't touch them. I keep a baby gate in front of my TV when my daycare children are here. I have also seen a cover to place over the buttons so they can't be pushed by little fingers. Whatever your daughter is doing, it is her way of exploring how things work in her expanding world and that includes finding out how you react when she does things. Guide her to acceptable behavior and distract her from doing whatever is unacceptable. Time-outs should be reserved for a child who is older and should be used as a last resort, plus it generally works best for behavior that is defiant in nature. I, personally, never use time-out for a child younger than 3 and actually rarely use time-outs at all. What I have found that makes for few discipline problems is keeping rules consistent, making expectations clear, and always following through (don't say things like "if you don't stop touching the TV buttons then I am going to put you in time-out, then when she touches them again, you don't do anything) If a time-out is needed then requiring the child to sit for only as many minutes as the child is old works the best.

Answer 6

I had a strong will child and a very mild tempered child and I know you don't want to hear it but spankings were much more successful than time out. My younger child was soooo easy and reacted well to being separated from activities.
My strong willed child is now 22 years old and I am grateful that I disciplined her the way I did. I don't condone "beating" be controlled and keep the perspective of correction not anger. It can be done and works well. Always hug the child and express the need to obey and that your love is unconditional.

Answer 7

She is too young to respond to time out. She would forget in a couple of minutes why she was there.

I can't suggest beating, but a slap on the hand or bottom works. A child has no reason to respond to a stern voice if there isn't a consequence for ignoring you. Begging or bribing the child with an alternate activity works fine at home, assuming you never need to take them anywhere else. But when you are in a place that the child needs to behave and you don't have that luxury, they need to respond to your voice. There will be times in the life of the child that they must obey even when they don't understand why.

Minding your parents never came by negotiation. It began with a deterrent to not minding.

Be stern, but gentle. Always express love. Don't discipline when you are angry.

Answer 8

If it is her nature to be strong (willed) I'm not sure I would try to stifle it too much because that is a trait unique to her and should be with her through her entire life to a certain degree.

Sitting still will be the most abnormal thing for her to do - totally against her nature. Why would you do that unless she's being more destructive than a two year old should be? If the latter is the case she needs a doctor.

I would say occupy her and teach her instead of punish her. sorry, I'm sure you hate that answer.

I don't mean to imply anything by this comparison but what you are doing is tantamount to me trying to make my Jack Russell Terrier sit still. I'd have to break all of his legs and neck to do that because he's hard-wired to be the way he is.

The "terrible twos" are about development and are fleeting and so is her childhood.

Enjoy her wildness.

Answer 9

Time outs can fail because the child becomes the center of attention. Often they get yelled at, then placed in time out and lectured while sitting there ("you're in time out because..."), then removed from time out with more lecturing. That amounts to a whole lot of attention, even if it is negative.

A good time out is swift, with brief, calm instruction. When the time out is done, tell the child they can come out, and drop it completely.

The idea is that they equate the behavior with a complete and total lack of attention.

Answer 10

just be strong. crying can melt your heart but you have to be firm without violence. Remember for they not know what they do. Just yesterday my 2 yr old whacked me with a bat on the head. I turned around furious but he was busting up. Love does hurt.