Is it okay not to invite all but one of your co-workers to an outside party and/or celebration?

Question

I work in a professional office with men and women. There is a bit of socializing that takes place outside of the workplace. Recently, one of co-workers was honored with a baby shower. Every single co-worker with the exception of myself was invited. While I don't particularly like the person the shower was for (nor does she like me) and would not have attended if invited, I do feel as if an invite was in order. I think its rude to come to the office and talk about it in front of me. Thoughts? Whats the appropriate etiquette?

Answer 1

Take the high road and invite them. We are not in high school anymore. They probably won't come anyways and you will look the honorable one.

Answer 2

I think what you need to think about is why it is so obvious that the two of you dislike each other? It is a professional office and personality conflicts should be left outside the office door. Since they weren't, they became a part of the party and you weren't invited.

Good etiquette would require all to be invited or just a very few. But good etiquette would have the two of you behaving as if you liked each other at work. So etiquette seems pretty irrelevant.

Answer 3

Sure it's okay to invite them, as long as the management is okay with them conducting personal business on company time. Probably more acceptable if they hand out business cards instead of discussing it, but if the management is okay with it, then go on. The invitees need to also realize it's not a social party and they can give those invitations the same treatment they would give any advertisement they receive on a daily basis, which includes ignoring it and not RSVPing. RSVPs are only for social gatherings. Pampered Chef people are salesmen and saleswomen conducting business in a fashion that only looks like a social event. They need also to realize that friends do get tired of being used as built-in customers.

Answer 4

Don't be offended because lyou weren't invited altough, yes, it's a little bit sickening in the stomach - but sometimes, especially if they are not from the the same culture - things like this happen. Just ignore your offense - be friendly to them and be extra nice so next time you'll be invited.
Some people don't feel that others are not fitted for the invited guess and they don't want you to be offended either - maybe they feel their jokes or their ways are different and will make you feel uncomfortable so - most people are very straight forward and they are very practical and sometimes they can offend - this is nothing for them anyway.. so, stop suffering on this and just treat it an ordinary day.

Answer 5

Tough one. For an event other than a shower (say, a cocktail party or a BBQ), I'd say it was rude not to invite you. But a shower is different -- it's really soliciting gifts for a guest of honor. If I were the host, I would feel reeeeeally weird asking a person to attend and bring a gift for someone I know that the invitee dislikes. And I think it would be equally awkward for the guest of honor to receive a gift from someone she disliked and have to feign gratitude. On balance, I'd say it was the right thing to exclude you.

That said, I think your co-workers -- who talked about it in front of you -- totally suck. That's rude.

Answer 6

I think in these instances one is either inviting everyone or no one. It doesn't matter that the two of you are not the best of friends. It is rude to do what she did and was so obvious with her snub. You cannot keep everyone from talking about the shower however just because you weren't invited but it would also be nicer if they didn't. Quite possibly everyone that was invited didn't go to her shower so they may think you couldn't make it either. Whatever, it is done. It's time to move on.

Answer 7

I think in today's society its not surprising. But typically I think a co-worker who wasn't well liked should be invited, chances are they won't show and if they do its curtiousy to be hospitable towards them. If everyone else is invited, I actually think it comes off kind of petty not to invite a co-worker that you don't like. For instance I love all my co-workers except my manager. But if I was going to have a party I'd invite her and her family regardless. For one thing it opens the door to a better working relationship.

Answer 8

Everyone should have been invited, even though you and she dislike each other. To single out one person was wrong, even if the whole office knew you wouldn't come and she wouldn't have wanted you there. If anything comes up in the future and you happen to be the one doing the invitations, keep that in mind - everyone gets invited.

Answer 9

The strictest rules of etiquette would say that this is awful manners, and I agree. If you are inviting everyone from the office, it becomes a sort of office event, and to leave only one person out is rude. However, what's done is done. Only thing you can do now is forget and move on.

Answer 10

Well, legal girl, you win some and you lose some. Looks like you lost this one. If you had been invited, you would not have gone. This would be your way of shunning your co-worker. Instead, you were the shunned. Six of one- half a dozen of the other. Better luck next time.

Answer 11

It's your thing, you can invite anyone who you want and not play fake. But then again, there is that saying, "keep your friends close; your enemies closer", so invite away, that way it might seem professional but in the end you're just doing it to look better!