I am very sad my Mum's abusing me emotionally?

Question

She uses to have nervous breakdowns, during which she gets really violent (verbally and in the past sometimes phisically)

I'm living alone since when I was 18, entered in a highly competitive college with a great scholarship

Last week I came to England for a postgrad, and before leaving I was kind of sad, because I was leaving friends and the guy I love behind. As I started to cry during dinner my Mom got mad and told me I am a real weight on the whole family and they can't bear my presence anymore (NB:I'm living alone most of the time) and she refused to talk to me ever since.

Now I'm in England, I've started my postgrad, and I'm really sad, because I feel I don't have a family anymore, and if I have, it scaries me to death, I really don't feel like coming back home and being treated like ****. I think it's unfair, because all these years I have studied really a lot to get scholarships, my parents didn't have to pay anything, the other parents saw me like a model

She acted in the same way (refused to talk) with Grandma when Grandma was depressed.

And Grandma actually died with my mother refusing to talk to her.

My father told me that Mum's really mean to him too without a reason, but he won't help me because he knows that if he sticks with me my Mum will leave him and always tries to make me say the fault is all mine.

Answer 1

And your question is what?????

Answer 2

Based on the comment in your third paragraph I can't tell if this is just your Mom or your whole family that thinks of you this way?
I'm sorry - I know the mother daughter relationship can be really tough... I'm guessing if you've finished your bachelors' if you are doing post grad work, you must be about 22...maybe it's time to get a job working in the field you've been preparing for and get a small apartment of your own, perhaps near the friends and the 'love' you left behind...... If you live with your Mom in her house, there's not much you can do. Good luck - I hope it works out for you

Answer 3

Your mothers to wrapped up in her own emotional worries to be worried about you.I don't think deep down inside it's that she does not care, sometimes things like that get pushed aside because nervous breakdowns can change our personalities and cause us to do and say things we would not usually.She is obviously mentally distressed, but thats no excuse for abusing you verbally, phsically and now, emotionally, this is totally wrong.The emotional abuse is not going to make you a resilient adult, it will drag you down if you don't deal with it.True you probably crave your mothers attention, but she is incapbale of giving it to you in any normal form.You might try to go and see your G.P and tell him/her how you feel, you can then be reffered to a counselor, who will be able to help you come to terms with the abuse by your mother, but you need to stay away from her, she is not doing you any good.Has your family told you you're a dead weight, or is this just your mothers verbal abuse coming out.?Have you heard it from the rest of the family.?Perhaps you need to visit some of them on friendly grounds and see what happens, Can you take your mums word for it.? And can she make other peoples decisions for them.?She has not made yours..you are very independent.Maybe she is angry because your not there anymore for her to shout and scream at, so she's saying these awful things to you.? Sometimes people say that when they can't cope, and don't want to hear about how anyone else feels.?..Best of all..think about you, don't worry about your mum...go to your G.P and get yourself sorted, you will be happier in the end for it, and find good friends who can be like a family too.

Answer 4

So stay away. You've done your best, and it's not your fault that your mother has emotional problems and that your father is co-dependent. Make your own life now. Make your own family, of friends.

And look into getting professional help. Growing up in a background like that can have a significant impact on someone. You might find it useful to talk to a therapist.

Answer 5

Hey I hit my 30s and I still get emotional hurt and abuse form my mum. I found that there is a reason behind this and the truth is probably much harder to accept than what you take for face value. Why would your mum say you was a weight on the family if you werent even there but studying in another country???

Answer 6

My heart really does go out to you hon. You sound like the kind of daughter anyone would be proud to have, But the thing is, Your mum is ill, not well at all, to say those things and react the way she did. You must be feeling lonely and unloved but you just have to tell yourself it's nothing you have done and she is ill - it is NOT you. Do well for yourself which I'm sure you will and try to make lots of friends because as the saying goes... you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

Answer 7

it sounds like your mother is the one with a problem - selfish and self absorbed to say the least!

the rest of your family will have their own relationship with you with or without her blessing - she was being spiteful rather than factual on that one

and as to you being a weight on the family - it sounds more like SHE is the weight - OK she cant help being depressed but she CAN help abusing other people and making spiteful comments to them

as to not having a family anymore - i cant tell you that BUT i can share that i felt much the same way at your age but found many friends in England at university who have stuck by me through thick and thin and are family in all the ways that matter for many years

huggles

and good luck with being in the UK

Answer 8

Hi! Wow...harsh! Dr. Angel here:
Well, you could find better people to be with during the holidays. They should be very proud....but they just don't see the shining star that lies within you, hun! Sometimes, the people you think you love the most...just aren't the people you fell in love with. Things change. Times change. People change. You could find friends better than that. You're right, you don't need to be treated like a big piece of ****! That's unfair and you, my dear, deserve better! Do not call and apologize, they're the ones who should be BEGGING for your forgiveness! And until that...well....ignore them and be with people who you know love you the most.

I wish so much luck!
GBU (God Bless U) ~Dr. Angel ;)

Answer 9

Please don't put up with this any more, you do not have to put up with it. Just because they are family it does not mean they have a right to use you as an emotional punch bag.

You have worked hard with your studies, proved that you are a decent person, and no one can take your achievements away from you. I am sure that you will find a circle of friends who will love you for who you are.

You can't choose your family but you can choose not to take any notice of their crap...I have learned this at the age of 43(after years of put downs and mental abuse). Believe me, I wish I had told my own family to STFU years ago, instead of allowing them to make me their victim.

I hope this helps you, good luck

Answer 10

you can choose your friends but unfortunately we dont all get the parents we deserve! No right answer in this situation.... do they have mental health problems?
As mother to a son and daughter I find your parents attitude unforgivable. Try not to blame yourself.... try to get on with your life... and make you proud of you! If your mum has regular outbursts she may need some treatment..... in some sort of way she may be psychologically pushing you away as she cant bear the thoughts of you leaving?

Answer 11

It is very unfortunate that your mother is so miserable that she effects you. A mother should never abuse a child. She is a very irrational in her thinking. No wonder she has nervous breakdowns. It is NOT your fault, you seem like a very good person with normal feelings. She is making you suppress them. And that certainly not good.
I encourage you to avoid her as much as possible in order to restore your happiness. She is missing out on life probably because she is a negative person who brings this on herself.
You are to be admired by many for your working in your lifetime. Try not to think about her and forgive her even if you don't feel like it. She's the one missing out! So be true to yourself and enjoy happiness with your friends. I think you must have many good friends. Try to love yourself because you deserve this.