Is there such a thing as opening up "too much" to someone?

Question

Especially if you're a little shy and are starting to open up more? How do you know when it's too much?

I have a fear of being rejected, ridiculed and ultimately abandoned by people, so I tend to stay rather quiet and shy around others. Even though I'm really quiet, people have said that I'm sweet and kind. But I want to overcome the shyness and am trying to by attempting to open up more to a few people.

So, are people just going to be glad I'm being more open or will they become detracted if I open up? In other words, how much is too much? And, how can you tell?

Answer 1

As a child growing up, I got "burned" more than once by being too open too soon. I gave away personal informations (secrets?) which were then used against me by the other people and their "cronies." So I learned to clam up and distrust everyone.

You have to find a "middle ground" between being too forthcoming and not trusting people at all. My first recommendation is go slow in developing your friendships. Give "small" tidbits of reatively harmless information, and start judging whether or not you can trust them with more. Do they blab it all around? Do they keep your confidences? Go from there as to whether or not to trust that person.

Your shyness is a means of your protecting yourself from the harm that distrustful people can cause you. Only when you've known someone for a LONG time (talking YEARS here!) do you open all your secrets... and then, it's up to you what you tell someone or not.

Remember, too, that JUST because someone asks you a question does NOT mean you HAVE to answer it... especially if you feel its too personal a question. "I'm sorry, but I don't wish to discuss it with you" should suffice for a true friend. They will wait to allow you to feel more comfortable about opening up to them. If they get offended, they're not your friend, they are trying to pump you for information and are not interested in a true friendship.

Have a polite day!

Answer 2

If someone rejects, ridicules and abandons you then they have a problem with... well more than just manners. I never open up to anyone (I write my feelings down in the form of a fiction novel) because I can't trust people with my secrets. Usually you learn what is too much from experience. Think before you speak is a good thing. Think if someone who've you talked to a few times tells you that their best friends friends father has just died you may get the impression of a gossiper rather than caring. So put yourself in the other persons shoes, say what you want to say in your head and react as how you would react if someone else said that to you and then decide. I hope that helps... sorry its too late here and I can't concentrate because of my uncoming sleep!

Answer 3

I'm not sure if you're worried about talking too much in general, or getting too personal! Caution can be a good thing, especially in a work setting- since being a gabby person is seen as a negative. I think since you are shy, you're probably a good observer, and can read people well- so use this to your advantage. If you see people becoming distracted as you talk to them, or multitask, it may mean it's time to move it along. I think they will be glad to get to know you better!

Answer 4

Absolutely you can. Some opening up is good, but you have to trust them. Opening up to near-strangers is not a good thing. They won't appreciate it, and you won't gain anything by it and may end up losing if they blab around.

You might want to start out by not talking about yourself, but rather about the other person. Ask about things in their lives, and be really interested in the answers. That will bring you into more of a bond of friendship, and it will also make you more comfortable, but without revealing anything sensitive. Then, when you get to know them better, you can start to open up more with them.

Answer 5

just give a little.. and see if they give back

or make sure they are at least actively listening

if you go on and on and pause.. and they don't really say anything or have this weird spaced out look on their face.. then maybe you should hold off a little bit...in all real relationships things have to be equal, so make sure the other person is trying to open up to you with either assurance, advice, or a story/confession of their own

Answer 6

Initially,I tend to watch, listen and learn. Friendship takes time. Trust is not an automatic thing.

Keep conversation light and casual. Hobbies, books, cd's, movies, clothes, hair, etc.

You will be able to tell after a while from their conversation if this is someone you want to share more information with.

Answer 7

.well i wouldn't tell someone my whole life story the first time i meet them. there are a few things you should keep to yourself in a "first meeting". its absolutely ok to talk about activities you like, but you don't have to get into detail about your 2 1/2 Yoga session and how painful the *insert absolutely rediculous position* was.
.Also, talking about family and "private" stuff thats going on currently in your family doesn't necessarily belong into a "first time talk" either.

.just keep it nice and open but always keep a bit information to yourself. you don't want to tell him eeeeverything about yourself in the first hour of you two meeting!. ;)

Answer 8

if you were to open up to i m not saying you have to open up ok but i don't think that some one is opening to much to some one