Okay, I am 20 years old, and I have been dating this guy who is in his thirties. (Age does not matter so don't give me anycrap about how young I am, if that is what you have to say then don't even leave an answer) We have been together about three months now, Sunday he told me that he is falling in love with me, and he doesn't think we should see each other anymore because of the fact that he feels like if we stay together that he would be holding me back from having a "real" life. He said I deserve to get married and have children of my own, and that he doesnt want to get married or have anymore kids. I told him that it should be my choice what I want to do with my life. He said that he loves me and he is doing what is best for me, and I will thank him for it later. I know that this isn't what he really wants, because he was crying, and he still wants to see me everyday, I love him and his kids. What can I do to convince him that what I want out of life is to be with him and his kids?
2007-09-25 08:35:31 · 14 answers · asked by spoiledrottenchica1987 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Alot of times, there isn't anything that you willbe able to say or do to change his mind. He honestly must believe that you want to or deserve to be married to someone that cares about you, and he is unbudging in the fact that he does not want to get married again or at all. Perhaps he is still hung up on an old flame, and fell for you the way he fell for her, and she has hurt him badly enough, that he is afraid of a commitment to anyone else, or maybe he just does not think that he can give you what you want. I am thinking that you two need to sit down, and discuss what is going on between you. Ask to have him explain what it is that has prompted him to give you this answer. Then you will have to work through everything together. Good Luck !
2007-09-25 08:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by pressman22001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 26 and I would like to get married some day but it's really not that important however I know without a doubt that I do not want children (for various reasons). My boyfriend is 37, we have been together 3 months now and I felt the subject of children should be discussed rather quickly before things got too serious for obvious reasons - if he wanted them it just wasn't going to work and it was better to move on after a couple months rather than put the time and energy into something that would lead no where. About a month ago I brought it up. I was nervous to hear his answer because there were already feelings present but I knew it was the right thing to do. Fortunetly he feels the same way I do and does not want children either. Marriage has not been brought up yet, it's still too early, but as I said, I could go either way with that any ways.
What I'm trying to say is these things are important in a relationship and you both need to have the same views on them for a relationship to work. Some people actually talk about these things on the first date just so they know where they're going. There is no point going any further if one of you wants children and the other doesn't and at 20 years old most people don't know what they want. I certainly didn't. It may be hard for you to see it now but he really is thinking of you. He doesn't want to be responsible if later on you wish you had done things differently but it would be too late.
Yes, it's your choice what you do with your life but you didn't say if you honestly want to get married or have children of your own. Age is just a number as long as you both want the same things out of life, not just because you love each other so be honest with yourself. If you're unsure give it some time. Allow yourself the chance to have what you want. Don't settle at 20 years old because if you do you will lead a very unhappy life.
2007-09-25 09:52:31 · answer #2 · answered by Ersabette 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry to hear that sound like you're in a tough position. With that said I think you should take a few days to think about what he's saying. I know you don't want to count age as a factor but in a positive light he does have more life experience and may know himself better than you do therefore trying to protect you from some lifestyle habits he doesn't plan on changing. I applaud him for such selfless honesty and you should too...
However, I can tell you feel very strongly for him and if you want to try to maintain a relationship you have to understand that it is an agreement of two and he's not in agreeing right now.... RIGHT NOW so I think you should coerce him to at the very least maintain a "friendship" that way you can pursue your life and career goals and he can be there in your life still and perhaps he will see that you are everything he wants and needs and want to try the relationship again.
But until then don't force it respect his decision and reflect on it because if he loves you he'll want what is best for you.
2007-09-25 08:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by foolproofdiva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not falling in love with you.. he's just done having sex with you. By telling you this line of crap about he wants the best for you, he's just trying to deflect the bad feelings you would have towards him. Besides, this way, he can still keep you are around a bit long (for the sex) and then drop you when he's got someone else.
If he wants what's best for you, don't you think he would do all that he could to work hard and provide you with all the good things in life, help you with your education (college, etc) and be beside you to see that you get the best things in life?
Open your eyes, he's dumping you and making you feel bad in the process. Here's the real test. Tell him, OK. Then watch how quickly he get's another girl friend, I bet he's got one already picked out.
Time to move on.
Good luck
2007-09-25 08:44:33 · answer #4 · answered by wrkey 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously wiser than you are, and someday you will see that. You are still too young to know what you are doing. If you don't like hearing that, then too bad. You revealed your immaturity when you attempted to garner answers that you will only agree with. As long as your ears are closed, you are destined to make all kinds of huge mistakes in life. Most people ask for good advice, and then don't follow it when they receive it, but you don't even want good advice. Don't listen to those who are older and wiser than you. Don't allow their life experiences to be of any value to you---listen to the bubble-headed young girls who think they have everything figured out. Here... let me try one of their answers... "Don't let anyone tell you that age matters. If you love each other that is all that matters. If you want him then tell him that you're not going anywhere." Is that what you want to hear?
2007-09-25 08:54:27 · answer #5 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you want at 20 is totally different than what you want and who you will become at 30.
Your man is right. Listen to him. Have some experiences of your own. There's nothing worse than looking back in 20 years feeling you've missed out.
2007-09-25 08:41:14 · answer #6 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you checked this guy's background? You probably need to check if he is still legally married to a wife while dating you. Seemingly, what he said implies that he does not want to marry you nor have kids with you. If you continue to date him and having sex with him, he will be surely o.k with that. He just tries to set up a good excuse for you NOT to ask for serious relationship. It does not look too good. You may not like my answer, but please hire someone to check this guy out before you got yourself hurts. Good luck.
2007-09-25 08:46:41 · answer #7 · answered by Stephen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is that what you really want out of life?? How can you love him after only 3 months. Do you even know him?
2007-09-25 08:39:26 · answer #8 · answered by Felicia 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Gril, you cant "convince" him to do anything. You just need to tell him that he is what you want and that by doing what he is doing he is hurting you!! If that doesn't fix it then there is nothin gyou can do but move on with your life. He is the immature one for leaving like that after you told him you wanted it to work!!
2007-09-25 08:39:49 · answer #9 · answered by sd_mex_chic 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is hard to break up with someone. He was trying to let you down easy.
Let him go. Save some face.
2007-09-25 08:41:53 · answer #10 · answered by alanastarkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋