What is more hurtful than hearing it was part of God's plan when someone you love dies?

Question

They think it's comforting, don't they?

News flash: It's not.

Answer 1

I can only think of one thing worse: If the loved one in question was a non-thiest, or of a different faith, and the speaker assures you that they have, indeed, gone to a fiery Hell.

I'm not addressing the existence of Hell here. What I'm saying is that Jesus called us to love people, and to cry with them when they cry.

I've spent more time with survivors and bereaved family than I want to talk about. Sometimes people don't need theology. Sometimes the kindest, most understanding thing you can do is just sit there and cry together. What we say is almost always useless. It is what we do that comforts people.

Answer 2

Yeah, that's not the best way to go about comforting someone after losing a loved one...especially if they're not a believer. I think the best way to comfort someone is to be there to hold them when they cry and listen when they want to talk. If they have any questions relating to God's plan, then I think it's fine. Otherwise, I think Christians should do as God would and just sit with their friend and cry together

Answer 3

it's better than believing your loved ones are just dust. At least Religion gives you a shread of comfort that the person's life and death weren't in vain and a little hope that maybe you'll see them again someday in another life. But it does still hurt,though, and i'm not sure if ANYTHING can really be said to make that less painful. But i'd just like to hear that the person will always be with me; that no one ever really dies as long as they live on in your memories. Is that more comforting?

Answer 4

It's hard to say but they are right. I know it hurts alot but I can tell you the person is in a much better place. Also you are hurting so much right now and you feel as if it will never go away the pain it doesn't. But you will always feel them next to you at times and you have your memories to keep in your heart. I lost someone 3 years ago he was very young and alot of people depended on him for all the wrong reasons and he knew it but one thing he knew was that I Loved him no matter what and I didn't depend on him for those wrong reasons it was his friendship.

Answer 5

What is more hurtful? How about having a smug faced little twit say:
"It's a shame she wasn't saved, now she's in hell!"
Trust me that's even less comforting!

I do agree with what you say but I think most people are at a loss for words and so say something hoping they've said the right thing. They mean well, just try and ignore what they say and be glad they care enough to be there for you.

Answer 6

It is not part of Gods' plan that we die. Death is the result of sin. Gods' plan was for Adam and Eve to live forever, but they ruined that by sinning against God. Romans 5:12 "Therefore, just as sin came in to the world through one man, and death came through sin, and so death spread to us all because all have sinned." However, God in his love and mercy provided us with the means to redress the balance, the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Because of this we can all recieve forgiveness and the dead will be resurrected, not in a corruptable fleshly body, but an incorruptable one. 1 Corinthians 15:20-22 "For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead also came through a human being: for as all die in Adam, so all will be made alive in Christ." V 34-36 "But some will ask, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body? Fool!' Verse 44 "It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body". My son died in March and I believe the promises of the Bible. I do not believe that you have to be a particular religion or saved, I do believe that God will judge all on the basis of their hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7 "for the Lord does nor see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." My son was not a Christian but his heart was full of love and he was loved by others. When we face our maker I believe we will be judged according to the love we have shown to others. If you have lost someone I pray that you will find comfort as I have in the promise of the resurrection.

Answer 7

Sadly some people speak before they think. Others simply don't think at all. Here's what God says:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

It's one of my favorite verses because it speaks of God's true nature.

The passing of a loved one is tough, but it is a part of life. And it's not by God's design. It was man who screwed everything up. God's promise through Jesus will unite us with our loved ones someday, but only if we, and they, trust in Jesus for salvation.

Answer 8

It is hurtful and ignorant. It may not have been part of the plan and most likely wasn't. Another one that I don't like to hear is, "Did they know the Lord? I hope that they did." This is especially horrible for children who have grown up hearing that those who don't know the Lord, go to Hell. So, their friend that passes who didn't go to church....where are they? It can be very traumatic and unnecessary. I feel for the them....they must go through a very confused and sad time.

Answer 9

I've never had the pleasure of someone saying this to me - which I guess is a blessing because I haven't had too many loved ones pass away. Nobody said that to me when my grandfather died, and maybe that's because he was a diabetic alcoholic smoker, which is what really caused his death - I guess they couldn't really argue it was God's plan for him to die like that.. or they just knew better.

Answer 10

People said that to me when my father passed away. No one really knows what God's plan is. But these people are saying this because they think it will make you feel that you and your loved ones did everything possible, but death couldn't be avoided. I think they do say it to be comforting, and I agree it's not really.