What should I do - weird breakup?

Question

Hi, I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost three years. We have had some really tough times in our relationship like his mum died a while back, and i went through a period of depression and treated him really shittily. He ended up cheating and we decided to try and work through it but he just didnt put the effort that was needed into it (this has been last 4 months roughly). We've had some good times but also really bad and he decided he had had enough and wanted us to finish. We have 'broken up' a few times but always got together really quickly. This time its different though. I know that we could make it work if we both put the effort in, and he says he still loves me and misses me so much. But I don't know how to get him to try. In some ways I think it would be good to break up but I hurt so much physically and love and miss him like crazy. We have been talking and are going to meet to talk things through this wk.How should I go about trying to get him to make it work?

We have been friends for the last couple of weeks (although I have had a couple of bunny boiler moments hI'm ashamed to say haha) but I'm finding it really hard to keep the contact going without any chance of reconciliation. BUT on the other hand it breaks my heart not to hear from him. The first 18 months of our relationship I really thought he was the one, talking about getting engaged etc (I didnt want to cos had been before) but then I started to mess things up. I do trut him, am over the cheating thing. But when he doesnt put effort in i get insecure and turn into psycho gf which is was he hates - the drama. He says he just wants me to be normal but I would need to feel secure for that.

Sorry to keep adding lol. I actually feel that I can't handle us breaking up - I feel like I will lose it mentally and end up doing something stupid like stalking him (not in a sinister way, in a heartbroken way). Just really am not coping with it all very well!!

Answer 1

time for a reality check. A cheater can cheat again - do you trust him? If you can't - better to end it now than kid yourself - it'll be more painful in the long run.

If you can - tell him how you feel about him. Ask him to be honest about how he feels. You might be surprised. Get out in the open what annoys you about him, and encourage him to be honest about the same for you. If you can both honestly take the other's point of view on board and try to ensure you move on from your errors you've got a great fighting chance of making this work.

Good luck!

Answer 2

when someone cheats, it's very hard to gain trust back, at least for me it is. So if things get tough again, is that how he's going to react? Do you want to worry that everytime you get up set, you're boyfriend might be out there doing something with someone else?

I had an ex who cheated on me who I thought would change if we worked on relationship, he never wanted to put in the effort either. After 2 years, I gave up all hope. I stopped trying to have a boyfriend and stopped caring if I was single.

2 months later, I met the person I'm engaged with, who seriously makes me think "why did i ever try to keep my old relationship together in the first place?"

Answer 3

Hi
First off I would go and see relate.....so past and future issues can be cleared up on a neutral ground,that way getting back together this time gives you guys more of a chance.
the pain will not stop just like that if you decide you don't want to be together,you will scream cry etc ,however you learn to get on... taking one day at a time,don't plan too far ahead...and if that is what you decide then you need to make a clean break for a while so you can gain your strength and it would also give you chance to Analise your feelings and know what you do want.it is unhealthy to keep a tie going because you feel emotionally tied to them.separation from a partner is classed as a form of bereavement .only you guys know each other and what you should do......but it does sound like past issues need solving.

Answer 4

You will get over those feeling eventually. It will be hard for a while but it will get better. I promise you. You should not have treated him badly but cheating on you because you did was much worse. Do you really want to be with someone that puts your health in jeopardy just because you made him mad? You really need to think this through. In the long run it will be better for you to call it quits for good with him.

Answer 5

Fine some one new, it is hard to turn your back on some one you have history with: but it is time to do just that. There are more Cod in the sea, and you will fine the right one. As for him waking up, the longer you two are a part the greater the chance is he will wake up. Not for you but the next girl. He is using you for a con-ford blanket, stop letting him *** all over you. YOU NEED TO WISE UP AND WAKE UP.

Answer 6

Your story has heartache written all over it. If he doesnt want to try, you cant make him. I suggest you try to forget him and move on.Seeing him will make you miss him even more after the fact.
It takes more than love sometimes. Love is not enough as they say.
I am proof.
Good luck to you!

Answer 7

If you guys have broken up before and get back together. Give it time. If he wants to get back with you he'll let you know. If he doesn't get in touch with you. It means he doesn't care enough to try.

Answer 8

I can say please dont let love turn into a abuseive relationship.Ok you said your sorry about being mean to him and your proving that right?However there is no justacation for Cheating if he cheated once HE"LL Cheat again be carefull.

Answer 9

Ever use the phase "Lets just be friends"? Some times it works.

Answer 10

Too many variables. appears like he has subject concerns if he won't be in a position to talk to you atleast on the telephone. think approximately finished something in his concepts or now not hes aafraid to confront you approximately. is he the jealous form? he would desire to in basic terms b attempting to some distance into the destiny and questioning that he doesnt prefer to get harm so hes going to end it now rather of later. I left a woman as quickly as because of the fact she didnt prefer to circulate issues alongside quickly adequate for me and he or she grew to become into large in spite of the indisputable fact that it perplexed me because of the fact each and every thing grew to become into so good and it didnt make experience to mvoe forward. breaking apart wasn't incredibly clever yet i grew to become into 21 then and it grew to become right into a puzzling time for me because of the fact i did now not comprehend a thank you to attitude the belief of marriage and youngsters. She wanted to talk approximately youngsters and the destiny yet didnt prefer to circulate in collectively. i'd desire to have only instructed her how I felt yet i grew to become into form of embarassed to get delicate together with her. sometime relationships tension human beings into growing to be up and long distance relationships only take each and every of the smoothness out of the region. issues cant be informal and only take place as definitely you cant beat around the bush and that makes it difficult to break the ice. i could say call him and attempt to squeeze the reality out of him. it wont harm you any and additionally you would be able to desire to get your answer. if he avoids then you definitely you incredibly would desire to in basic terms would desire to call the CD a loss.