i can't stand my sister-in-law...help!!?

Question

I know that as a christian, I have to love her and forgive her, but she winds me up.
I need advice from christians that are not going to just tell me to forgive, I'm currently living with her , I will move in November, but I need find a way of living in peace with her, I try to ignore her nonsense, but she is so insecure, at times I want to just give up on having any kind of relationship with her even when I move out. Help

I'm here to help her look after my niece, and i have my home to go to, i've had to make major sacrifices, so she don't have to pay for a baby sitter until shes made redudant in November.

Thank you Lover of Blue, excellent answer, your very correct.

Thanks for all answers it really helps, i've battled with this for a long time now, and its true I don't like how she is as a person, and she don't like me, but if I have Christ in me, I have to love her and its only God that can make it happen when I take strength from Him.

Answer 1

It sounds like YOUR future is brighter than hers (I can't imagine she's pleased about being made redundant) and you have done her an extraordinary good deed by giving childcare so she can work as much as she can.

Also, you'll be free of your commitment and returning to the peace of your home. That should give you some comfort.

All you can do short of leaving and forcing her to pay for a sitter or quit her job is make yourself scarce when she's home. Leave the house, go to your room and read, sleep, listen to music for some "alone" time.

Answer 2

We are meant to love each other of course, but it does not follow that we have to like each other as well and there really is a difference! To like a person is to feel that you share interests and goals, that their presence adds to the comfort and so on..to love is to keep in the heart; to care for the well-being of another person and to be prepared to make sacrifices, great and small, to assist them in need. Remember that as a Christian you are required to love strangers as well as those people you actually know, which means that you can surely go on doing your duty by your sister-in-law without having a close relationship with her after leaving her home..if she needs your help then give it, if not..you have a life of your own and a right to enjoy it.

Answer 3

Read, re-read and meditate over Galations 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law".
Only the Holy Spirit who Is into you and who Lives into your heart (as you are a christian) will assist you and He will show how to deal with this.
Keep in mind that you have to do your "job": You decide you need to do sth to change your attitude towards her. This is very good.
Pray to God and ask for The Holy Spirit assistance. He is Loyal and He will help you!! He always does!
Specially because He knows you more than you know yourself! He just wants you to he honest with Him and to let Him work into you. He is always with You!

Answer 4

First I'd check out getting into a support group or growth group that can help you process this stuff directly. And check out the book "Boundaries" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is a must read!!!!!
Forgiveness is important but so is not being an idiot!! (Not that you are!) If someone proves they are irresponsible or "unsafe" then only a fool would continue to let them take advantage of them in the name of "forgiveness." Forgiveness is good when mixed with boundaries. Boundaries lets the good in and keep the bad out! Even Jesus set boundaries with those that tried to take advantage of Him, including His disciples at times. Boundaries also call us all to walk the higher more Christlike road!

Also check out 'Safe People' by Townsend and Cloud.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Bismillahi Al Rahman Al Raheem,
Ouzibillahi mina shytan Al Rajeem.

You can pick your nose but not your familiy! Find some ways to deal with your struggle internally sounds to me like you have the issues within yourself. If you have patience and tolerance then you care not what others do unless its against you. If so then defend yourself in peace and patience and show a smile that helps!

Answer 6

To start: loving does not require liking. Liking people is an attitude; loving them is a state of heart, and a feeling. It's okay not to like people, but in loving them we still treat them with respect, and how we want them to treat us. You can still show kindness to those that you don't like, it's our carnal side that tries to prevent us from that.
And forgiveness is one of the hardest things that any person will ever have to do. But holding onto unforgiveness isn't truly painful to the one that isn't forgiven: but to the one that isn't forgiving. Of course it isn't easy, and on our own, it's even harder. But if you have the strength of Christ to help you, it is possible. Just don't rely on your own strength to forgive and deal with her :)
Philippians 4:13

Answer 7

I agree with you that the Christian thing to do is forgive her and be the bigger person, but sometimes that is easier said than done. Try to limit your interactions with her, get home as late as possible make plans with friends and family and don't include her try to take up a craft or class, find things to use up your time that way you limit your activities with her and she has less chances to get under your skin.

Answer 8

As a christian, you don't have to like anyone. And to forgive someone does not mean you have to still have the same relationship as you did before. Being a christian doesn't mean you just pretend everything is just hunky dorey.

Answer 9

i think you should sit down and talk to her. ask her why she is being insecure and annoying (not in those words, lol) and then she might leave you alone. Maybe you can find ways to avoid each other (not when one walks in the other walks out). FIND WAYS OF MAKING THE PEACE UNTIL YOU MOVE OUT!!!!!

Answer 10

listen to her and let her wear herself out. as an atheist on the receiving end of various Christians, Ive found that if you let them babble on for hours, they wont notice you drifting away. Then, once they've made their point, walk of and go for a nap or something.