So as a few here know my future in-laws are a bit out there. Well, it got better. My FFIL has been having issues with a billing discrepancy at the hospital. So Saturday, he smashed the phone. Sunday, he was driving, and ripped a bunch of political signs out of someone's yard. Went home, popped a bunch of Xanax, FMIL takes him to the hospital, on the way there, they stop at that same stoplight. He jumps out of the car, rips the signs out AGAIN. (after the cops warned him he'd get arrested if it happened again). They get to hospital, they ask him why he did it, and he tells them "I figured popping a bunch of pills and calming myself down a risking killing myself was better than my original idea of going to the store and getting a gun and killing somone". Well, they let him outta the hospital, and we don't know what to do. We don't want him at the wedding (afraid he will cause drama) but don't want to start drama with his mother (this is his stepdad). What would you do?!?!
2007-09-25 05:49:23 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I avoid them as much as possible. They already know they aren't allowed in my BIL's house and they will be finding out tonight that she is no longer allowed to watch their kids. (She doesn't work so she was watching my niece and nephew)
2007-09-25 05:55:38 · update #1
Oh, the wedding is in less than 3 weeks (10/13)
2007-09-25 06:08:46 · update #2
His psychiatrist told him today that if he so much as hints at a threat, he's committing him. He was not pleased to find out he was let out. There was some negligence and lack of professionalism. Welcome to the world of psychiatric care.
2007-09-25 09:40:52 · update #3
That is a very sticky situation.
My advice is to let yoru fance handle his mother, otherwise, you will be blamed for interfering with their relationship.
A nice way to put is to : Mom, we hired a babysitter for the kids and yoru help, altough very much appretiated, is no longer needed". When she askes why, tell her plain and simple that her husband's erratic behavior could potentially endanger the children. I'm sure that she is well aware of his behavior and she would understand. He's a vandal, he is suicidal, he is on prescription meds for his psicological issues and he has made a documented treat of bodily harm.
Tell yoru fiance to tell her that you guys don;t want to hurt her feelings, but you have invested a lot of time and effort on the weddiing and wouldn't want a scene on yoru special day.
Dependig on her reaction and his, I would invite or disinvite him (them) and be firm to tell her that you will not tolearte this tupe of behavior and that police will be informed and at hand if needed.
Good luck (and I'm very sorry)
2007-09-25 07:38:56 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he took xanax then he has a doctor who is at least somewhat aware that he has problems or he wouldn't have the prescription available to get the xanax. Someone needs to tell his doctor that he is talking about getting a gun and shooting people before he does it. And he probably will as mental as he sounds. Personally, I would be just as nervous telling him not to come to the wedding as having him there since who knows what will set him off?? If the doctor is of no help then I would try the police. If push comes to shove and no one will deal with him then I can only suggest that you cut his Mom and her mess out of your lives totally until she has dealt with and resolved his dangerous issues. I believe that the hospital staff who allowed him to be discharged are guilty of negligence and should have kept him there until he could be locked up in a mental ward and evaluated. This can certainly be done if he is a danger to himself or society as he obviously is. By the way, the fiance's Mom's feelings are simply not an issue here .... the issue is the safety of you and your guests.
2007-09-25 08:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by naniannie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You clearly won't be "starting drama" with you FMIL - she's already knee-deep in it!
There are instances when you can choose to suck it up and have an obnoxious family member at a wedding just to keep the peace. Maybe they drink too much, maybe they're divorced and make waves, maybe they're just a royal pain in the neck.
This is NOT one of those instances. You don't really have a choice. This man is dangerous and unstable and there is no way you can allow him to attend your wedding. Your FFIL in law is no doubt unwelcome at many places by now and your FMIL can only choose for herself where to draw the line.
2007-09-25 06:21:06 · answer #3 · answered by eli_star 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is this a recurring type of situation? He sounds like he needs something stronger than Xanax. Is he normally mental? Does he have a therapist or someone who can give him a good prescription? I'd just have my husband warn his mom that if the dad did anything wrong, they'd be booted from the wedding, end of story. How come you're dealing with all this? Why isn't your fiance keeping his mom in line? It shouldn't be your responsibility. I'd be mad at my husband if I had to be the one to always deal with his mom.
Good luck
2007-09-25 06:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by Who's sarcastic? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out as soon as possible. Just think 'Do I really want my children to grow up in this enviroment?' Seems to me like these sort of people would be a bad influence on your children, and they probably spread rumours because they are jealous. You are a young, beautiful woman who is soon to be married, you have children, and they just sit around and drink, ***** and are horrible. You have plenty of time to go somewhere new and lead a new life. My advice would be to move out of that place and start again some place where you will feel comfortable and not have to put up with pointless backstabbing, Hope everything works out for you x
2016-05-18 02:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by viviana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not talk to anyone in the family regarding your FFIL, it may get back to him and then who knows what will happen. have your husband deal with all of the emotional rollcoaster drama. Focus on your wedding, he needs to be locked away.
I agree with the post about investing in security and identify the person with a photo before the party. They can escort him out of the reception, no need to let anyone know of this, you can mention it's part of the facility.
2007-09-25 06:21:17 · answer #6 · answered by Lyla 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband's stepfather has a serious anger management and impulse control problem. The safety, physical and emotional of you and your guests trumps any etiquette rules about inviting immediate family.
Your fiance needs to inform his mother in no uncertain terms that his stepfather will not be invited. If she doesn't like it, too bad. She chose to marry and stay with someone who does not conduct himself in a civil, lawful manner.
Next, arrange to have security at the wedding in case he chooses to crash it and cause a scene.
Also, if he makes any threats re. not being invited or does anything illegal, contact the police immediately and do not hesitate to press charges.
2007-09-25 06:16:42 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't invite him. Period. Let your mother-in-law deal with the hurt feelings. I just got married last month. Let me promise you something...on that day, you want NOTHING to go wrong. If he makes a scene, causes trouble that you have to call the cops, you will never, ever be able to forget that. Have the man committed or something...but do not have him at the wedding.
2007-09-25 06:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mark L 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you think it will keep the peace if he is at the wedding, then have a talk with him before the wedding. Tell him you won't put up with any of his theatrics on your special day. Tell him that if he does just one thing that is obnoxious then he is out of there. If you have any big guys in your family, ask them to be on the look out for him and have them escort him out of the wedding if he starts anything.
If it were me, I think I would prefer that he just not be there. But I know that you have to think of how this will affect your fiance and his family. Whatever you decide, you need to set the ground rules before your wedding day.
2007-09-25 05:57:15 · answer #9 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i was your fiance, i would tell my mother he isnt invited, if he doesnt get his act together. And if he does come and starts something i would just have him escorted out by a police officer.
i have a family member that i am going to specificly tell the secruity guard aka police officer on duty to keep an eye on. and if is starts anything to kick him out. Hes Not going to ruin my day that i pay so much money for!
2007-09-25 05:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋