My husband and I are in our mid-30's and have decided to remain childless. However, most of our friends and family have decided to have children, and we go broke twice a year because of it. We are expected to buy gifts for all their kids for Christmas and Birthdays, and this gets very expensive! (Not to mention the baby showers and other assorted holidays) Even on a tight budget at $20 per child, this still adds up to a lot when you consider my sister in law has 5 kids, and the close friends we each have, have at least 2 kids. I'm not even counting the kids that are in the future, or on the way!.
Can anyone offer positive advice or input? I did the math and figured we spend around $1,000+ per year on gifts for kids. This is absurd, and I am getting to a point where I resent it, and I don't want to feel that way. Parents just don't seem to 'get it' and I don't want to embarass ourselves by saying we can't afford it, because they wouldn't believe it and we would look like jerks.
2007-09-25 05:39:19 · 20 answers · asked by northbeachjazz 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It has nothing to do with being a "People Pleaser", Joe C, and it is not a weakness, as you put it. It's called being gracious and thoughtful.
2007-09-25 05:50:49 · update #1
Gosh, that's a LOT of kids! Sounds like you guys are lucky enough to have a lot of friends. :) I understand where you're coming from--a little here and there can add up fast--you've got to draw the line somewhere. What my extended family (who has a lot of kids) has done is, rather than everyone buying presents for everyone at Christmas (for example), each person is assigned one person to buy a gift for. Usually, this means each cousin is assigned another cousin who is about his/her age. They exchange gifts, and the grandparents give them gifts, but the aunts and uncles and everyone else is "off the hook" so to speak. It's worked well--I've liked it better this way, because the gifts have become more personal.
Rather than buying each of your friends' kids a gift on their birthday, you might do something else--like write the kid a special letter (for instance, when I graduated high school, one of my mom's close friends wrote me a letter telling me what she remembered of my birth, and how much my mom had talked about me, etc.). Another of my mom's friends would invite me and my little siblings to her house at Christmas time to bake and decorate sugar cookies. That was more fun than any gift, by far! Doing things like that for your close friends--and not worrying about doing anything for not-so-close-friends' kids--might be a good option.
2007-09-25 05:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by kacey 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you institute a family drawing system? Everybody goes into a pot, and each family selects the name of one adult and the children divided equally. (Or, just the children). This can be done for Christmas and birthdays.
As for friends, I would consider either family gifts (i.e. food) or creating a "tradition" for the child such as buying Christmas ornaments every year to build toward their tree when they are grown. These are available for about $5 each.
Another great gift for friends children is a savings bond. They are available only at a $25 minimum but look like more at $50 when mature. Tell parents you want to invest for the kids future once a year at birthday time.
Odds are if you speak up, the others in the family will be relieved as well.
2007-09-25 06:25:19 · answer #2 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are also a childless couple and I know exactly what you mean. The youngest of 8 children I have FOURTEEN nieces and nephews, so I learned to deal with this one early on. For the most part, I still get gifts for my friends who have children, but not for their kids. Maybe a little something from the Dollar Store if I think of it, but mostly I only buy gifts for the people who will be giving me a gift in return. NONE of our friends have a problem with that, but my sis-in-law wants us to buy gifts for the kids only, not the adults, and that is kind of a pain.
BUT if you feel the need to give the kids you are close to gifts
a) do what grandma did and stick $5 in a card.
b) the suggestions for community gifts for the children to share are nice but only applicable at Christmas when everyone is getting a gift, not birthdays.
c) Do you bake? You can offer to provide the cake at birthdays in lieu of a gift.
ps: in reference to Starwinkle below me, I don't think you are on here complaining at all! Your's is a valid, well phrased question!
2007-09-25 05:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why not just get one gift that the whole family can share together? A board game, a baking kit, a craft book, or even a giftcard to a clothing store or maybe to the movies. You could also try making gifts. I make christmas ornaments every year for my friends with large families and they look forward to them every year. Better still each ornament costs less than a dollar each to make if you shop cheap. Michael's has some great deals. You definitely don't need to feel obligated to get an individual expensive gift for each person, but there are ways you can do something special for each family without going broke.
2007-09-25 05:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by dolce 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
God bless you for thinking of them this hard.
It is your right and certainly your luxury NOT to have children. Your home will probably ALWAYS be clean, quiet and orderly. You will also have more free time, money, vacation leverage, entertainment opportunities etc. because you don't have to deny yourself every Saturday night for the first 12 years.
If you are truly "budgeting" your finances and find little left at holiday/birthday times, it is better to spend modestly than not at all. If you tell your siblings or friends that you found a wonderful, but inexpensive gift due to your "lean" year, they will understand.
Should anyone choose to have 5 kids, (I can't imagine what for) it is thier financial problem, not yours. You are not responsible for raising, supporting, gifting or treating so many kids in your family just because thier dad is rich enough to afford it.
A well thought out gift (even homemade) is better than empty handed, but DO NOT feel obligated to shower a overpopulated house with gifts when you have already made a wise, practical lifestyle choice. You will still have your sanity, peace and freedom when they are scraping nickels together to pay for college in a few years.
2007-09-25 05:51:05 · answer #5 · answered by joe_on_drums 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know where you are coming from. I myself am childless (single at 27) but my brothers and close friends mostly have children already. Although they don't say it, it's kind of expected for me to give their little ones gifts every time, and it'll eventually cause a strain in my pocket. Worse is when friends remind me that I missed one Christmas gift to their kid or something. There was just a point when I stopped giving altogether. I'd give my own nephews (three of them 11, 7 and 2) and just pick my favorite god children because there is no way I am spending for all 20 of them! On birthdays when I go to parties I'd give gifts and on Christmas, I'll buy a bag of candies or cookies and those would be my giveaways.
2007-09-25 06:03:54 · answer #6 · answered by Wanna 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Cut them all out of your lives!! I kid. I am in the same situation in that almost everyone I know has kids. I myself have 2 kids. From a parent's perspective, I don't expect anyone to buy my kids anything. Well, maybe just my close friends. From a gift giving adult's perspective, maybe you can give a group of kids one gift that they can all enjoy like a game or something. I used to want to give gifts to all the kids I know also, but that's just impossible. So I only give to the kids that I see often or am close to. There are also some nice cheap options. Girls love character stationaries which can be very cheap.
2007-09-25 05:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by jmiller 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most parents will say "oh, you didin't have to get them anything"...so I cut out buying for every occasion...
....I decide who and what I want to buy for...
I have tons of cousins and nieces and I was going broke buying for them all ( I spent 100 per kid with family and 20+ for cousins) so ...I explained that when we were young our parents brothers and sisters (aunts & uncles) did not buy for us forever and I am not going to either. "You are married so you have your own xmas celebration at home"...when we go to my folks (grandma's) xmas morning the only person who should be opening something is grandma and if grandma wants to buy that's her business...but I am done.
B-days if I go to a party I buy a token gift ...( $5-10) and I always come out like a star because it may cost less but I think of something they would really like and I find it.
for my god daughter... I splurge . (she's older so graduation I took her to NY for a weekend and did what interested her)
I give as long as my gifts are appreciated....no thank-yous and gifts turn into a box of thank you note (hint hint to them) if they don't thank you note me gifts end.... I think kids today get way too much (all the time) without it meaning a thing...and therefore they don't appreciate it or take care of it.
I work hard for my money and I can find lots of better ways to spend it so if I don't receive a call or thank you note after the (hint hint) cards I stop all together...
I buy 1 gift for xmas for my smaller nieces but the older ones are done and I make an effort to keep the cost low because don't care they are small ...it could be mr bubble or a small toy.
They get plenty from their folks they don't need it from me too.
They just like me to visit and spend time with them...I'll read to them or play a game...I give them my attention and that's what makes them more Happy than anything I could buy.
2007-09-25 06:32:52 · answer #8 · answered by gr8ful_one 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have quite a few friends and aquaintences who are childless by choice. They are happy and live full lives. I also know people (including my own sibling) who are horrible parents. The decision to bring children into the world belongs to the individual. I don't necessarily think of it as "wrong" or "right". It is simply a choice. Of both choices, however, I think it is less moral to bring children into the world if you do not (or cannot) nurture and provide for them. Only you can make the choice of what is right for you. Don't allow other people to make you feel guilty.
2016-05-18 01:58:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I se a couple of options:
Give them a game in commn. One game all the kids can use.
The second option is to ask their parents directly, clothes are a great gift (at least as a parent you like that a lot), and it is cheaper than games. If you ask what the kids need instead of want it might help.
Give them something special. Not necessarily expensive.
2007-09-25 05:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋