How do I help my wayward son, who is a senior in high school, realize that the path he is on is misguided?

Question

My son is a senior in high school and is on a wayward path. He recently got arrested for possession of marijuana, he recently skipped school to avoid a test, and has not filled out his college applications yet.

I have tried to counsel him on the errors of his ways, but to no avail. I pray on the issue. I want to make sure he is safe, but at the same time I believe he needs to own is decisions. I can not protect him from misguided decisions for ever.

What is a dad to do?

Answer 1

At this point there is not much you can do without pushing him away forever. Kids at that "almost adult/just adult" age are very sensitive to criticism and think they know everything. Just keep letting him know that you are there for him when he's ready and keep praying. Someday he will figure it out and he will need a strong support. He is lucky to have a dad like you.

Answer 2

You need to give your son a hard life lesson - take him for a car ride - take him to a city and down into the part of town where you know druggies, homeless people an other such misfortune people are...let him see how they live (or lack of life) there is there...

If a reality check of where his life is headed does nto help straighten eh path he walks on there is nothing you can do but sit back and let him make mistakes and try and be there to help him pick up the pieces when the time comes and he does mature..

Good luck

Answer 3

Wow my heart goes out to you. Although my son is only going on 8 I can only imagine how much you must be hurting. It seems that he "doesn't get it." Have you tried to have a heart to heart with him and find out what he has planned for his future? At his age all kids feel invulnerable..invincible it can't happen to me..the problem is with that sort of perspective planning for a future goes out the window.

I would suggest doing some research and giving him the "cold hard facts" about what his life would be like without getting a college degree..For instance..here is a website from the coast guard comparing lifetime earnings for different education levels see below. Of course I am not suggesting him signing up for the Coast Guard I am merely using their website as a tool. You will also see some links to other websites providing similar information.

Secondly does he really know how much things cost?? For instance a house mortage? utilities? food? etc..How much an apartment would cost? Merely finding out how much it costs to live might help him understand the importance of getting a good education! Having the figures in front of him as well as the information on the "starting wages".

I think if after sitting down with him he still doesn't get it I would suggest making him live it for a while. Make him get a job working at McDonalds/Burger King and make him accountable for all of his expenses that you can..see if working hard and making little $ wakes him up?

I hope that it all works out for you. I am sure that you are not alone in this battle..Good luck

Answer 4

Keeping on counseling him. Don't lose hope that your words are falling on deaf ears. He may not hear them today but someday those words may help him to make the right decisions. Someone once said that life is a marathon, not a sprint and that is so true. He may take longer than some to find his way and when he does, you'll be happy you were there for him and if that doesn't come to pass, you've given it your best efforts.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Seems like you already have the answer.... or at least know what it is - that you can't protect him forever. It's a difficult realization but it is what it is. I know first-hand what your son is going through and the toughest answer is the best answer. LET HIM FAIL. Pain (in all forms) is universally understood and he apparently needs some "understanding". There is nothing wrong with a parent, that has done all that they can, who allows their child to fail. Nothing grows without stress - not the body or the mind. He needs the "real" challenges of life to rap him on the nose a few times to get the point across.

Dad can't do much at this point either.

Let your son know that his parents love him, BUT, that he is headed for a seriously rude awakening. Most importantly, ALLOW HIM TO BE AWAKENED!!!!!!

Answer 6

You have done all that you can do. Don't lose hope. While your son is doing things that you don't approve of, he still remembers what he was taught growing up.
He is like a person starting a new job and sees all the ways that he can improve on what the old folks are doing. Experience and the consequences of the mistakes he makes Will jog his memory about what mom and dad taught him. Be patient.

Answer 7

I think you're totally right; you can't protect your son forever. He needs to make his own mistakes to learn about life.
However; there are kids out there that are worse. A lot of kids do these things but just avoid letting their parents find out - believe it! Let him know that if he's not going to go to college that's fine, but he's going to have to pay some kind of rent to carry on living at home, so he's going to have to get some kind of a job. He's son going to realise if he doesn't get motivated; all his friends will have gone to college and left him far behind.

Answer 8

I'm sorry that your son is going through this and I am sorry that you have to deal with it. We talk to our kids about how what you do now will influence your life, not getting a good paying job, etc. Give him ideas of jobs he can get if he doesnt go to college, fast food, janitorial, retail, he has the whole world ahead of him and doesnt get it. I am sorry for you, I hope that things look up for bot h of you and he realizes the impact of whta he is doing! Hugs!

Answer 9

i am a parent myself and i have lived in a bad area for more than 30yrs i have seen it all, but the only thing that you can do to help your son with is to show him what is that path that he is going thru and how he migth endup take him for a ride thru a bad neighborhood let him see the things that await him if he chooses to keep in that path talk to him and explain it.

Answer 10

It is so hard to answer a question like this, but my fam has had there share of what you mentioned. I really think there are only two ways... let him learn on his own or capital punishment. I was somewhat rebellous at his age and every thing my parents did to try to straighten me out only made me more angry and more rebellous, however I eventually straightened myself out, and realized that I was going nowhere on the road I was on. State your dissapointment. If your kid has an actual problem with drugs... I find that nothing helps people better than a little jail time. This was the case with my sister atleast, who was addicted to crystal meth. She went to jail 4 or 5 times and eventually was sentenced to rehab. It was rehab or jail. She had the choice. She chose rehab and we sent her to an awesome christian center called Teen Challenge for one year. I believe they have centers all over, but it helped for her to be out of state so her "friends" couldn't come see her. It hurts to see your child do this to themselves, but you can't lock them in their room forever, because they will run away and then be out on the streets. It may hurt horribly, but investigate your childs room. We found one of those plastic ties that you tie around your arm when you are injecting yourself. We found out she was injecting meth. You may find many clues as to what they are up to in there. It's not being nosey, it's caring enough to take action. Most people have to learn the hard way. Don't bail him out if he goes to jail again and tell him that you wont! I think it is irresponsible of parents to bail their kids out when they know they have a problem. Most town jails aren't the horrible ones you see on tv... thats mainly county. In jail they may realize that it's not worth it and atleast they are safe and away from the people that supply it to them. I don't know what else to write but good luck and keep praying. My sis came out of that rehab a changed person. They run it like boot camp. She had a small relapse when she started hanging around the same people again... but when told she had to go back to jail or rehab she straightened up and has been sober for 2 years now. She is so different it's amazing and I think God for her still being here and alive. Good Luck with everything.