I am in the process of planning the guest list for my wedding. My fiance and I have differing opinions on who should be invited and who should not. He believes that if someone is 'family' that they should automatically get an invite. I disagree. He has a 3rd. cousin that neither one of us is fond of whatsoever. We and this individual have clashed before. I believe that if neither one of us would enjoy their presence at our wedding, why should we invite them?
He on the other hand sticks to his belief that "They are family, so they must get invited." What do you think?
2007-09-25 04:32:04 · 34 answers · asked by Kelly103 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
That's a tough one, but I would say if you have had a run in with this person before and neither of you like him very much you can not invite him. If the person lives in your same town it might be kind of hard getting around it though. Above all, it is your special day and why risk letting some loser ruin it.
2007-09-25 04:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by Raine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a big family and I want to keep my wedding small.
I have 9 brothers and sisters and they have kids. My mom is 1 of 19 so I have a ton of 1st cousins that are older then me and also 2nd cousins that are my age. So I'm only inviting my aunts and uncles and none of my first cousins. They are on my "B" list and then only about 5 are on the "B" list. Plus I really don't talk to a lot of my extentedfamily so I'd rather have a friend there that I talk to often. If anyone asked, I'll let them know that I'm keeping the guest list small and it's just not in our budget to invite a lot of people.
Plus my mother's side of the family is famous for saying that they are coming and not showing up. We threw my mom a 75th surprise party and 1/2 of her sisters who said there were coming didn't show up and that was only $17 a person and the wedding is more than that. Plus my niece got married last year and 1/2 the people who RSVP a yes didn't come. So at least there is a history and I want to avoid that and everyone who is invited are people that mean something to me and my FH.
It's your wedding so do what makes you happy and what's in your budget.
2007-09-25 07:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by tohumanity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with you, and think he's being unreasonable.
Different people draw the line differently on what constitutes "family." I draw it at immediate family and first cousins, and their spouses. I'm inviting all immediate family, all first cousins and their spouses. (And the one second cousin I'm close to out of a huge number, but b/c he's a friend as opposed to a relative.)
Some may draw it at 2nd cousins. But I think the vast majority of people would agree that 3rd cousins really are distant relatives, and beyond the reasonable definition of "family."
So A. His definition of family is way too extensive and B. There is no reason to invite someone you are both not fond of and in conflict with. (Maybe if he were immediate family, like a brother family would trump that.) You should have veto power over any guest you don't want to be there, with the possible exception of his immediate family.
2007-09-25 06:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are having a big wedding (like not just parents), then usually family is automatically invited. But I don't usually consider a 3rd cousin family, just a distant relative. You have to have some sort of cut off point. You can put it right before this person! lol But if you are inviting lots of other 3rd cousins, it might be looked at as rude if you don't invite this one as well.
2007-09-25 04:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you don't get along than they should not be invited to the wedding. It is going to be a happy day and you don't need any drama created by someone neither of you are fond of. I would stick to the people that are close to you, people you talk to and see on a regular basis and people that you get along with. Why pay for someone's meal and everything if you don't like them or want them there,
2007-09-25 09:13:05 · answer #5 · answered by rate86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Abby may say different but just because they're family it doesn't mean you have to include them. Why would your fiance want someone there that he clashes with anyway. I'd be afraid the person would try to cause problems and ruin your wedding. Just don't let this become a problem for you so if you have to, invite him and keep the peace.
2007-09-25 04:40:48 · answer #6 · answered by Catlover 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it has 5=forward gears with 5th gear being "overdrive" or "high gear" instead of 4-th gear being overdrive as most cars have today. Back in the older days 3rd was the highest gear in automatics and some manuals, then a 4th gear or overdrive was added (manual and automatics - just 4-speed manual came long before 4-speed automatic). Just recently honda and acura have started adding 5-speed automatics called D-5 or 5speed automatic transmissions...they will just shift an extra gear. These 5-speed automatics still have the torque converter which will kick in and act as an 'extra' gear lowering the rpms even more. the more forward gears you have the lower the engine rpms will be in the highest gear, saving gas. most likely as fuel prices keep rising, more and more 5 and 6 speed automatic trannys will pop on the market.
2016-04-06 00:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I dont believe family (in general) means an automatic invite. I had this problem too, but not with my groom - with his mother. He and I both come from very big families and are having dinner at the reception, so we have keep our numbers down. We finally agreed - immediate family, aunts, uncles, and grandparents were invited. We are having a family-friendly wedding, so any cousins that still lived with their parents (and were 18 and under) were also invited, but not adult cousins.
EXCEPT that we made one exception-we were each allowed to pick one other "set" of relatives to invite...like, one set of cousins or his great-uncle, aunt and their kids. That way it wasn't too exclusionary (inviting one cousin, but not his/her sibling), but we were selective and made it clear to that set of relatives that not everyone else (such as all other cousins) were invited, so please not to mention it assuming that they were so we could avoid hurt feelings.
Guest list issues are TOUGH. I would say not to exclude this person based on your personal issues, that would be kind of rude if you included all other third cousins, but maybe cut back overall and allow yourself a few exceptions for people who are distant on the family tree, but close emotionally. Good luck!
2007-09-25 04:40:55 · answer #8 · answered by lutmerjm 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him if he really wants to share this special moment with a person he actually doesn't like. I didn't even invite my first cousins and an uncle, simply because we don't have a very close relationship and some of them I actually can't stand.. We only wanted to have CLOSE family and friends to share this intimate and special celebration with us.. Tell him that.. If he still wants to invite him, give in for peace's sake.. Probably your guest list will be long enough that this person goes under..
2007-09-25 06:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If both of you have problems with this person, then I would not invite them. You don't need any drama girl at your wedding.
The basic rule is to always invite family, but if you both don't want the person there, then why put yourselves through the frustrations.
Congrats on the big day, and Best wishes!
2007-09-25 04:39:14 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋