How do I communicate with my 16 year old daughter when she turns everything I say into an arguement?

Question

If it's an answer to sher going somewhere of whether she can cook something different for supper, she turns it into an arguement. Then she runs to my parents and tells them how mean I was to her. They of course believe her and tell her any time she wants to come there, she can.

Answer 1

To a certain extent this is normal teen behaviour but it is possible to have a good relationship with your teen.
Think about how you talk to her, when you talk to her and what it is usually like-I know I always wanted to have a good relationship with my step daughters and I felt everything turned into an argument.When I sat back and thought about why that was I realised that everytime I tried to talk to them I was nagging about something-I never said how was your day or lets go to the movies,once I started to change my attitude they started to come around too. We still had lots of arguments but that is natural I guess.
I put boundaries in place for them and was consistent with my parenting of them,my husband supported me and so they couldn't go running to him just because they didn't like my rules-you need to talk to your parents and get them to back you up and not to undermine you-this is key.
Set time aside to have fun with her and make sure she knows what she can and can't do by your rules-parents should never pull any punches we should be consistent.
I now have a great relationship with my step daughters 21 and 19 and am learning a lot from them on how to build a relationship with my own teens who are 14 and 13.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Some people will act harshly and quickly in telling their teenagers what their oppinion is.

Whether its good or not, Teenagers have a mind of their own. What we as parents did when they were younger has the greatest impact on her life now. We cant change that, or them. What we do now seems to only have negative impact on things now.

What youve done earlier in her life will effect her a lot more than what you do now. She has a mind of her own, let her make that mind up. If you did whats right earlier in her life, then she will come to see and accept you for who you are. Well, she will see you as you are wheter you did right or wrong.

When these Teen years subside she will be able to use logic and look back. Thats when either the good or bad that you did when she was younger will be told.

In order to get a child to do whats right as a teen ager, we as parents needed to instill that in their lives when they were younger.

Answer 3

Let her cook something different for supper; it's a small battle to lose.
Do something together that you can talk about together later; maybe a hike in the woods, or mini golf, or cooking.
Try to really listen to her.

Answer 4

when my daughter said I hate you I simply said go pack your bags your moving in with your grandma! I called her bluff and I got my way! if your relationship is that bad maybe some time away will make her appreciate you a little more!
let her buy groceries and cook dinner, let her walk in her shoes a few weeks maybe she wont be so defensive.

Answer 5

I woudn't know how you have brought up your daughter to be acting like that. Perhaps, you were either mean to her or have suppressed her in some ways. Why don't you try something else like appreciating what she does. Be nice to her and give her plenty of encouragement. Perhaps, you can communicate better that way.

Answer 6

OMFG!!!!

that is so me my girl is 14 i went online searched for tips on parenting a teenager got some helpful advise

this is what i did
i went home when everything was done for the night and she was ready for bed i called her to my room shut the door
and told her we needed to talk key word TALK
i told her that i did not feel our relationship was very strong
i told her that as her mother i love her and i realize she is changing between a child/youngadult and that it is hard for her.
I told her i did not appriciate being treated badly the yelling the answering back she would tell me shut up! its non of your buisness etc...
i asked her if there was something i was doing that i could work on changing ?
she said yes your yelling she also was able to open up
yes she did at first try to give me the attitude but i said time out you want to be treated with respect i can give that to you
but that is not going to happen when we are arguing so if you want to start with the attitude lets take a time out from this conversation i told her i was not there to judge her but to try to work together i also made her look me in the eye
I told her my expectations were to be respected, not talked back to, not to be yelled at, and for her chores to be completed by the time i go home from work
in return i would controll my yelling will
talk through our problems and if one of us is upset or angry to the point we want to start to fight then we stop walk away take a break from eachother then go back when we are calm
this weekend was a test for me she was suppose to come home by 10:30 from the fair she made my dad wait till 11:20pm she tried to give some excuss i was pissed
i told her that she was in trouble i did not know what the punishment was to be and that i could not talk about it with her becasue i was going to start yelling
the next day she knew i was pissed i woke her and her friend up and took the friend home. and she did not get her peircing that she was looking so foward to
anyway we are still working on it but we both love eachother
and i would do anything for my kids she knows that
there has been no fighting

now your mom and dad mine live next door
you need to as hard as it go to thier house and tell them
this is what is happening with my daughter and this
is what you are doing to make it worse/harder on me
the parent tell them if they can not back you on this
they will not be able to see her for awhile untill they can respect your wishes as A PARENT! be firm and be strong hold your head up and dont let them make a deal with you
you are her parent
also tell them that if you ever hear that they say she can come over any time that you will stop all cummunication
and if she is going to go anywhere it will be a group home if she can not controll herself
now
actually putting her there might not be the best thing but
let them know you will not stand for thier crap anymore!!

its hard I have left my moms house went home and cried
i have had to call the cops becuase i want to avoid arguing with my parents


good luck if you ever need to talk email me
k

Answer 7

thats teenagers for you the grass is always greener on the other side.Let your parents know you do not apreciate them undermining your rules sometimes parents need reminding 2 I always told my kids "wait till you are a parent then you know

Answer 8

maybe put it in writing that way she has to read it all in order to give a good argument tell her to listen to you for five minutes and explain that she argues about everything.

Answer 9

Give her five years. By then, she may be willing to talk. Talk to your parents and explain the situation. They are enabling her, and it is not for her benefit.

Answer 10

Argue back at the top of your voice, it works.