Further to my other Q about kids running riot??

Question

Why is everyone saying 'I bet you don't have kids' etc. That is irrelevant. I think any decent human being should show consideration for others. OK kids screaming, maybe i was a little unkind, i'm sure tantrums aren't always easy to control. But there is NO excuse for any parent to let a child, regardless of age, run riot in a public place like waiting rooms, trains, and especially restaurants. Do you not realise how dangerous it is??? If your child was to be injured because it knocked into someone would you take responsibility then? Or would you blame the other person?
I am NOT having a go at all parents, so please, stop taking everything so personally. You know who you are, if you are responsible, then surely you will agree with me?
And for those telling me to stop being so 'self righteous' I wouldn't want to be on a train with you or your offspring.....

Answer 1

i hate that! taking ym neice out, if she starts running riot i will grab her hand, look her in the eye and just say "now thats naughty isn't it...and u know naughty girls get no treats and have to sit on the naughty step when we get home dont we?"

she is fine after that! Kids HATE the naughty step!! me neice often puts me on the naugty step if i stick my tongue out at her! lol!!!

i agree, kids can be a handful but if they are trained well and taught how to act in a public place then they wouldnt act like that. what annoys me most is when i see a kid running mad and the parents doing absolutely NOTHIN about it!!! now THATS bad parenting!! i feel sorry for the parents if i see them desparately tryin to control the kid.

people on here do take things personally. mostly quesitons posted on her are generalisations and people often assume they have been directed at them but they haven't. to use this site i think u gota be quite lighthearted and always remember nothing on here is personal. we dont know each other so we cant be directing insults at people personally as we dont know eachother!

good point chick, have a star!

Tinks xoxox

Answer 2

Well in some ways I agree. It depends what you mean by "run riot".

I had my first child last year and he's only 10 months old but I already know just how hard it is to be a parent. Children are not little machines that can be switched off or have the volume control adjusted on them! Many people try to treat their children this way, hence the proliferation of "strict routine" and "controlled crying" techniques currently in vogue. I don't think this is the right way to treat a child. My son is never left to cry or forced to do what I want him to do, I do allow his own little body clock to dictate a lot of what he does - eating and sleeping etc. He's a very contented little lad and rarely cries (except for at the moment he's going through the "trying to assert his independence" stage! lol!)

However, I have to agree that I have encountered children who do behave badly and their parents either don't care or have no idea how to deal with the situation. Or think its funny! I've been in restuarants where children were running around screaming and throwing food and the parents were just sitting there laughing "aww isn't he a little tinker" etc! That is not acceptable. For one thing its unfair on the other guests. For another its not teaching a child basic social skills and manners ie "that behaviour may be acceptable at home but not when we have come out to eat".

I think it depends on the age of the child as well. A toddler you can excuse in a way because they are too little to understand the difference between running round screaming at home and in a restuarant, but a child of 7 or 8, well that should not be happening!

I think that once they get to an age where you can begin to "reason" with them then you need to set the basics of what is expected.

However as I've said children are not machines and sometimes tantrums are unavoidable when they're tired or hungry or not feeling well and just because you see a 3 year old having the mother of all tantrums on the floor in a supermarket aisle does not make his poor harrassed looking mother a "bad parent". It might just be an off-day for him!

Answer 3

I agreed that it is annoying when a child is screaming in public. Most parents DO try to keep their kids from crying but sometimes the child just doesn't stop.

I'll use your example--on a train. How can a mother of lets say a one year old child stop her child from screaming? Furthermore, what is she to do if he/she just won't stop? I'd love to know because I can't think of one single thing but keep trying new things which may or may not work.

I'm very much into just avoiding the situation entirely. I'm the kind of person who makes sure my child is happy when we go out. Not because I fear that he'll throw a tantrum but because I know it'll make my trip easier and more enjoyable. Thus, he doesn't throw tantrums.

Believe it or not many tantrums can be prevented. I'm not saying all but most of them can be. I understand what you're talking about but remember--you were a child too. I'm sure, no I'm positive, that there was quite a few occasions when you were louder then others liked.

I agree with you about the dangers of letting kids under a certain age roam free. That is dangerous. I don't think anyone can disagree there. My son knows well that running is something we do outside.

Answer 4

Of course people need to do something if their child is running around in a public place. I totally agree with you it's unsafe (as well as inconsiderate) to let kids run around in a public place. But perhaps what people aren't sure if you understand is that all kids (especially those under 2) have their moments, and that you can't really predict when they'll be, and that it may take a couple minutes for even the most consciencious parent to handle it when they do. (I like to think my kids are well-behaved, but I have to tell you if there's four of them, and one of me, and one of them happens to run off, it's going to take me a a moment to get the baby out of the highchair and the other kids into their jackets and the wild kid under control ... even though I can assure you I'm totally mortified and hurrying as fast as I can, and that I will of course leave the restaurant and discipline my kids appropriately as soon as I can possibly herd everybody out!)

As for being on a train ... well, then be even more patient, please. Airplanes and trains are a parent's nightmare. Yes, parents should physically restrain a kid who's running around, but as you concede, it's tricky to stop a tired one-year-old from screaming and it's not like you can just step off the train so they don't bother anybody. Good parenting does help kids behave better over time, but even the best toddlers with the best parents have days when they're coming down with strep throat and haven't slept well and have a big meltdown. Most parents are mortified and doing everything they can to minimize inconvenience to the other adults around them. Those few who aren't are indeed doing both their kids and the people around them a disservice. Of course there are some people like that, but I think they're really the exception.

Answer 5

Wow, this is definitely a rant.

The reason that people are certain you aren't a parent is because you still carry the notion that if children were parented correctly, they would never misbehave in public. That simply isn't true. You are surely an educated woman, who has been raised with morals and values. This means you've never done anything wrong, correct? Ever? Nothing you regret or are ashamed to admit to? My point is that just because children know better doesn't mean they won't still act out occasionally. Most parents do their best - some don't, I agree - but it is unfair to assume that just because a child is misbehaving, a parent is willfully letting him do as he pleases.

Answer 6

I get your point, I really do, but try and see it from the eyes of a (tired and often frustrated) parent.

Little Johnny throws a tantrum, which may often include running away, wanting to climb, touch things, etc. People stare and sometimes make remarks. If you discipline little Johnny firmly, either by restraining him in some way, or even a smack, inevitably some people will glare and make remarks about child abuse.
If you ignore little Johnny (as many people often advise parents to do), inevitably some people will glare and make remarks about lazy parents.

Look through all the past questions (rants) that have been posted on this forum about toddler harnesses or leashes. People are labelled all the bad things under the sun if they choose to use a toddler harness for a particularly energetic or impulsive child!

My point is that some parents, nearly all parents at some stage, will get a little bit defensive when people make blanket statements about 'uncontrolled' children. Can you blame us, when often, every little thing we do is judged and criticised by others?

And I don't mean this in an offensive way, so please don't take it as such, but if you don't have children, you really can't understand what it's like. You see a few minutes of this behaviour and it clearly annoys you. Now imagine it for about 12 hours a day. See the difference?

I agree there's no reason for people to be rude to you, but give others a break too!

Answer 7

I agree with you, too. When I was a kid (along with my 5 siblings), we were taught to behave in public. If we misbehaved or "acted up" we "caught it" at home. There were consequences for bad behavior.

I work in a public library and we have kids (all ages) running all over the place. I spend a great deal of my time asking kids to "walk, please" and to stop running. We kick them out of the library all the time.

The younger kids are running around while their parents are on the computers or looking at DVDS. The parents are clueless or as many say, lazy. They are leaving the supervision up to the staff.

It's a pleasure to see well behaved children come into our library. It's quiet and we can conduct business without having to correct behavior.

I know it is sometimes difficult to control behavior in a public place. However, I think once the behavior gets 'out of hand' the parent should remove the child until he/she can act and behave accordingly.

Answer 8

i have kids - they behave very well in public - I'm proud to say!
i see where your coming from though - Ive been in the situation where we are in a restaurant having a meal my children are sat chatting patiently waiting for their food and the next table have let their kids run round doing what they want whilst also waiting for their food . my kids ask me why they aren't allowed to run and play - its not just the danger these children are being allowed to be put under but also the example it is showing other children. at the end of the day the parents concerned may be able to 'zone out' from the noise and havoc their children are creating - doesnt mean everyone else can ignore it. there was even on one occasion a child that came to our table (whilst the parents watched on) and proceeded to take food from my little girls plate... the parents response was .. Ellie please don't do that ..they didn't even move from their chairs - i was infuriated!

Answer 9

I fully agree, I have two children and I would not let them run riot in a public place. I would not want them to injure someone or get injured themselves. These are just simple rules which teach a child how to respect others and hopefully prevent them turning out to be thugs. If a person has no children it doesn't mean they have no right to an opinion they are part of our society as well and why should they have to put up with children running riot whilst their parents sit by and watch.

Answer 10

No parents shouldn`t let their children run riot,when in public a certain level of behavior should be expected from your children.
Some people do seem to be regardless of what their children are upto either that or they simply don`t care.
I think though what people took offence to was that it can be impossible to stop you`re child (i`m talking young ones here!)screaming,
people that say different obviously had children with less willpower than mine!!!
If my youngest screams.yells or throws a paddy in public then i ignore it-i`m sorry to all those that don`t understand,but thats the way it should be,otherwise they are being rewaded for their bad behaviour.