what are some civil ways of letting them know that his son is a grown man and we have a family to take care of . but every year they complian about our kids birthdays and why didnt invite 100 people to the parties or complaining about our parenting. my kids are happy kids. and we are not older parents. i'm 26 and my husband is 31 yrs old. i dont understand any of this. HELP!
2007-09-25 02:36:54 · 16 answers · asked by MamiMe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It would be best that you do not discuss with them, but rather you and your husband decide together how to deal with the problem. To me there are two ways. The first is to stop discussing plans for birthdays with them, stop discussing your life in general with them, be busy when they call and create some distance between you. The other alternative is for your husband to tell them to butt out. But usually the first method is best. Its time for you both to be a close unit and demand respect by not confiding in them like when he was younger.
2007-09-25 05:20:03 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately some people feel they have the right to continue to meddle because you make choices they wouldn't. Both you and your husband need to make a united front and sit down and discuss this with them in person. I would start off by letting them know you have some concerns which you feel is affecting your relationship with them and you don't want to see this continue. Don't be accusatory, just let them know that you feel that there is just no pleasing them and it is difficult to feel close to them when you feel they need to have input in how you are bringing up your kids. Let them know it would be better if you felt you could come to them and ask questions like what did you do in this situation when you were raising your son rather than them telling you what you should be doing. Make sure they understand you know they have been there and have this multitude of experiences but you as a family you have to find your own way and make decisions together as a family as to how it will function and how your children will be raised. What is important to you may not always be important to them and visa versa but you don't want those difference to interfere with you having a relationship with them. I would steer clear of concrete example unless it become necessary. If you just let them know this is a problem for you then maybe they will figure it out and back off. Sometimes people don't realize how they are affecting others until it is brought to their attention. If they don't seem to get the hints then be more specific as to what they are doing that is interfering and ask them to respect your family by not engaging in those behaviors around you. Tell them how important it is to all of you to be an extended family without the added stress.
2007-09-25 03:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by Orion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, for an honest answer there must be more detail. But from what I gather here, sometimes you just have to put a foot down. I understand where your coming from. The in laws probably mean well, but sometime you just have to hurt someones feelings to get a point across. They'll get mad, but they will get over it, and then they will make for better in laws. Unless you have let it go on to long. that is the question that needs asking to yourself. If the children are happy, and cared for, I don't see the issue with the in laws. Good Luck.
2007-09-25 02:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband definitely needs to lead it off, but you have to get together and rationally talk things out so they can understand how the two of you feel about the situation, otherwise it will never go away. If they don't know they're doing anything wrong, how can they fix it? It probably won't be as difficult as it seems.
2007-09-25 02:48:38 · answer #4 · answered by Tim E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A civil way to say I'm grown? The icing on the cake should have been when your hubby moved out and or got married. Just tell them to BUTT out of your family. Sometimes you have to be blunt to get your point across.
2007-09-25 02:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As they are his parents it is his sole responsibility to handle them. As a parent himself he needs to weed out all the bad influences to his home dynamics. That may mean telling his mom and dad to back off and that until they can positively contribute then they are not welcome in his home. Your job is to parent your children NOT his parents so focus on the immediate family and let him deal with good old momsy and dadsy.
2007-09-25 02:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband can sit down with them and talk quietly to them. Be polite and say that you appreciate their willingness to help, but you are mature adults and can manage just fine. If it makes them angry, that's just tough. Your children might be influenced too, if they hear those interfering in-laws!
2007-09-25 02:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's up to your husband to change his relationship with his parents if he wants to do it. You have to stay out of it or you will end being hated by your in-laws and your husband.
2007-09-25 02:40:19 · answer #8 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and your husband might need to set some PERSONAL BOUNDARIES... we all have to have them for self-preservation.
you can do a yahoo search on Setting Personal Boundaries for more information.
Your in-laws apparently have nothing better to do than try to control your lives.... and when you let it get to you or let them take the steering wheel in your life, it causes problems.
take care.
2007-09-25 02:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that it's your household and you decide how to run it. His son is an adult and has his own family, and chooses how to run his life. They have theirs and they can run their household any way they want. Don't give them details on how you're running your household, so they don't meddle in and give opinions about it.
2007-09-25 02:42:58 · answer #10 · answered by Alyse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋