I have been divorced for over 3 years. I told him to contact the kids via the 2 oldest cell phones. They ignore his calls and do not call him back even though I tell them they need to. I do not want him calling me because we are going through some issues regarding child support and every time I talk to him he is controling and manipulating. I tell my younger one to call her dad cause he misses her and she always say no or I will do it tomorrow. He blames me and I am sick of it, he needs to look at himself and where he has prioritized his kids? Has anyone else dealt with this and what should I do?
2007-09-25 02:11:58 · 6 answers · asked by Jessica S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If your ex is manipulating and controlling with you, then he's certainly the same way with the kids... and i'm sure they are sick and tired of it.
You can't make your ex "see" anything. He may never realize how obnoxious and overbearing he is. Hopefully someday he will look into the mirror and figure it out.
If he really wants to find out how the kids feel, maybe he and them (or all of you) could go to several family counseling meetings? A good way for kids to get it all out in a "safe" environment.... Perhaps the ex needs to hear a few things?
That's all i can think of. And of course, you can't force him to take the kids to family counseling or meet you with the kids for sessions...
You can't do anything else. Best thing to do is be the best mom you know how, don't bother the kids about talking to him because they might just start resenting you.
Also, control your own emotions, and please don't let the ex control your mood... this is HIS problem not yours.
take care ok?
2007-09-25 02:34:30 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm also going thru the same thing with my daughters father. she doesn't want to talk to him but I make her because it's the right thing to do. I'm not sure why but I believe that it's the right thing to do. I know that you don't want to talk to him because it always ends up worse but you should call him from their cells phone and put them each on the phone to speak to him briefly. You have to make the first step in calling him since they don't want to talk to him. I think that sometimes our kids feel guilty if they associate themselves with the enemy which in this case it's the dad. My daughter thouht that she was disrespecting me by speaking to the person that was trying to bring me down. But they have nothing to do with what you and the father are going thru. They are as much his and they are yours even thought you take care of them much more then he does. It's life and that's the way it is.
2007-09-25 03:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by tootsiebrownie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It most likely is his fault. But he is using you to take the guilt and blame away from himself. Keep encouraging your children to call their dad, that is the proper and right thing to do. Your children must understand themselves about their dad and his ways. They must have a grudge against him. That's a problem he'll have to work out for himself between him and his children. I know what your going through, I feel for you. Good Luck.
2007-09-25 02:21:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just wanted to see how your situation worked out. I am going through a similar situation and was wondering what my options are. My ex blames me when in reality it's him and his actions as to why the kids don't want to talk to him. Any of what you experienced would be appreciated.
2015-01-13 15:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my father left when i was 8 yrs old...for his highschool sweetheart...that he had been cheating on my mom with for 12 yrs of their marriage.
not only did he cheat on her...he cheated on all 5 of us kids.
my mom encouraged me to call him...she never spoke a bad word of him....and she encouraged me to go every other weekend....i did until..i was old enough to really see what he had done to us...as a family....my mom to this day still loves him...i am 22 yrs old now....
do i love him? yes i do...with all of my heart...do i choose to stay away to keep heartace to a minimum,yes....i have 3 kids that he's never laid eyes on...our my children missing out? no....its him...
your ex chose to do what he wanted to you, and those children...he will pay for it in the end....its that little thing called revenge....but the lord will give it to him.
just keep encouraging them...i always loved my mom for doing that...and i loved her for not talking bad of him....
that today has made me a stronger woman.
your kids will thank you one day for that...and he will ONE day come around and see the truth...and it will be too late for him..
so just keep on keeping on sweetie...you sound to be a concerned mother that loves her children...just keep doing what you're doing...the lord knows whats going on :)
2007-09-25 03:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Susan C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex is not allowed to call my house. I told him his kids can call him whenever they please but he was NEVER to call my home. The kids (ages 17 and 19) has yet to call him and its been almost 3 years and he thinks its becaues I have manipulated them to not do so. I told him they chose to not call because they see the lying manipulator he is. I dont care if they ever call him and I hope they never do. I chose to stay out of it. I dont ask or tell them to call. Its there decision and he needs to try to work it out with his kids NOT me. Your kids know they can call their dad so who cares what he thinks. If he ever gets to talk to them..they will tell him for themselves that THEY chose to not speak to him. Stay out of it and good luck.
2007-09-25 02:33:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋