My boyfriend just found out that while we were broken up (during one of the many) 3 months ago I had sex with someone, they wanted a relationship but I didn't. It was just sex. Where as just 2 weeks ago he was totally "in love" with a chick he met online, saying "I'll love you forever, you make me happy!" and he was going to move to Japan to be with her..
To me its easier to have a one night stand than to tell someone "I love you"..Because I mean it when I do, it was a mistake on my half and I thought I already told him but I guess not! He flipped out and demanded I gave him a ride home or he'll walk (this is at 4:30am at my parents house for the night to add..) He ended up walking.
He said I lied to him, but I never did I thought he knew, and when just now I realized he didn't know I feel so bad..I wanted to explain to him but he threw it in my face how "easy" I am. But yet he can so easily say those words to any person? ONLINE? he's never met?
Whats your opinion?
What do i do?
2007-09-24 22:46:36 · 16 answers · asked by rainbowsandhell 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
*okay* first off.
noticed been getting alot of one sided opinions, mainly from men.
That having a one night stand is sleazy or being a "slut" (like no one else in the world has ever done that, come on!)
You can voice your opinion w/o these comments, it's a tough question please answer with an open mind. and leave the slut comments out, its not like i had sex with 10, just ONE. sorry if that makes me "sleazy".
2007-09-25 01:05:56 · update #1
wll for me, love has it's own meaning and understanding... it depends upon what you think, what you desire and what you feeling towards the person. Meaning if you are sincere, faithful and devoted of what you’re fighting for means for “me” that is love. But when you say I love you forever, its means forever when it came to your heart. Sex is only apart of love… sex is only an act of doing that you love her/him or it simply say for me “An expression of love”.but doing sex to other which you dont love... wll its another kind of story....
2007-09-24 23:34:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've done the exact same thing you've done. I can understand why he'd be upset about it because obviously he has strong feelings for you. Technically, you didn't cheat on him, a one night stand is a one night stand and you were single, so I hope you enjoyed it!
A lot of guys are really hypocritical. It doesn't matter that he didn't sleep with someone else, he's still telling someone he met online that he loves her, so how's that supposed to make you feel?
If he can't get over something you did when you weren't even together, that's his problem. You say you've broken up a lot, so maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe you're just so used to him being in your life that it's hard to let him go. Let him move to Japan if he wants to go that far, you can probably do better than him anyway.
2007-09-24 22:53:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe what you want to hear is in the last paragraph I have written but please read the rest of what I have written too. This woman has kicked him into touch. (she is in control) She has someone else (an added attraction to him he wants it all) He has not responded to her e mail. he is thinking or licking his wounded pride. Ok so after all of the questions.....time to make up YOUR own mind. No one here can accurately predict what he will do in the future and what he really felt for the woman. So you either let the whole thing drop and see what happens as in does he find another. This sadly means you will work yourself up looking and worrying because You are not going to believe him whatever he says. Or you break free and start live and build a life. Or you go counselling with him........or without him and work through it there. You say you can cope if he loved her....I don't think you are coping with this fact and keep posting to get the answer you think you want which is stay with him he loves you. How can anyone out there in cyber know this. If you believe it then make the effort to trust and believe him. He is weak and confused right now and he is certainly in lust.(or imagined love) So maybe if you want to show him another side to you.....get inventive in the boudoir once you him back in harness. I don't know what you will do long term but please think what is best for you. Ok all of that said I did work at a marriage after such adiscovery.......I had him sit down and write her a letter in front of me......I made sure he hurt her. She was the intruder. The other woman in your senario is certainly not squeaky clean in this and has encouraged him recently to communicate by not blanking him. Tell him you need a grand gesture of re assurance or you walk. That's what I did. We are ok now but he knows now I would tolerate nothing else. She is history and was in the end humiliated. AND I am very certain I would not stay a moment to listen if it repeted.
2016-04-06 00:11:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever think that he might have been trying to make you jealous because he loved you and wanted to hear those words from you? Did you ever think that maybe he thought that you would not do him that way? I bet he is thinking that he never went to Japan but you went all the way with a guy that meant nothing to you but sex. Can't you not see how disillusioned he was about you. When a guy loves a girl in his eyes she can do no wrong. When she does something like this it slams him back to reality and he realizes what he was trying to do backfired on him. Now he feels betrayed by you because you did something sleazy like sleep with a man for just sex. I am not trying to put you down. I am just trying to let you see the other side. If he was trying to make you jealous he was wrong. He should have just moved on and let you go. Now he prob' will because he no longer sees you in the same light.
2007-09-24 23:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd just let him go. If you were broken up at the time it's none of his business what you did during the break up and if he's telling some chick in Japan he loves her I think he's trying to send you a message too. And you're right on about how you'd rather have a one night stand then tell someone you love them when you don't Loved that part!!!
So just let big babies lay sleeping. And you mentioned it was during one of your many breaks up. That right there should open your eyes. It's not okay to break up, get back together, break up, back together, break up, back together.
It might be hard not to go back, but really try this time. The whole story you just told screams "it's coming to an end" and for your own mental health just let it end.
xxx
2007-09-24 22:56:50 · answer #5 · answered by Shel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough question.... for me personally I can't have a one night stand, even a hug or kiss is an intimate sharring of my love that is exclusively for the one I'm in love with, but also to tell some one ,to utter the words and give the though and felling life. is the most intimate act you can shre with anyone. so I guess you both made huge mistakes but it seems that only you realize that they were basiclly the same, Seems his values are different than yours so if he can't or won't see that his was as bad if not worse than yours I say move on and seek the one that holds the same as you
2007-09-24 23:06:07 · answer #6 · answered by mr.skeleton1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The words "I love you" mean nothing and are just words to some people. In my mind neither of you are wrong. You weren't with him when he was talking to this person or when you slept with someone else. It sounds to me like he is jealous or maybe disappointed because of what happened. But you can't change the past now. You both need to talk and figure out what exactly you want/think should happen next.
2007-09-24 22:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by ltcypress_7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a normal relationship, break-ups and patch-ups happen. However, if these happen quite frequently, then one needs to understand that these are not REAL breakups. These are now just periods of silence and distance, primarily, in order to affect the other person. Which means, you really were still in the relationship. It wasn't over. Your idea of going out n sleeping with another guy, while still not completely out of the relationship, makes you kind of a sl*t. Forgive me for the usage of the word, but i really wouldnt appreciate my GF going out n sleepin with another man, during our times of silence. And what for? Sex? I mean, u said it, it was just for sex. Quite ridiculous. What he did was just a statement. What you did, was a fact. You should know how much you have affected him. If anybody needs to makeup for their act, it's gotta be you!
2007-09-24 23:23:08 · answer #8 · answered by tenZ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he never met them it is just a on line love for the conversations..Until you meet someone and spend time with them that is different. now he is saying that you are easy.. that just make him easy him self. You should not feel bad he is over reacting and soon he will get over it like another day passing by
2007-09-24 22:57:05 · answer #9 · answered by K_LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put urself in his place. would u have forgiven him if he had sex when u guys broke up? moreover, u din know that u hadnt told him so i guess its a shock phase for him!
give him sometime and then see how things work.
i think u shud see wat u options are before u rush into anythin.
how serious is he with this new relationship?
it was kinda rude of u not to drop him home, but neway, im sure u've got a valid answer
jus apologise immensly and make sure that he can trust u again b4 u guys go on
2007-09-24 22:53:23 · answer #10 · answered by glen_music 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this relationships trust is broken and its going to be difficult to mend.
personally i also have difficulties saying i love u when i mean it but even a harder time making myself available even for a one night stand.
so those words might just come out faster in my case than opening my legs ever would-LOL
talk to him but if he is going to Japan what is the use then hey??
2007-09-24 22:54:23 · answer #11 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋