Mom is out of town, dad has make or break meeting. I need surgery. Should he go to meeting or stay with me?

Question

My mother's father is dying. My father might lose his job if he doesn't go to the meeting. I need surgery on thursday.
I want my dad to stay with me, but I don't want him to lose his job. If he stays with me, he will miss the meeting, if he goes to work, I will be more scared then if he was there.

My mother's father is dying and she is a four drive away. My father might lose his job if he doesn't go to the meeting. I need surgery on thursday.
I am 16 and have never had surgery before, and am absolutely freaking out.
I want my dad to stay with me , but I don't want him to lose his job. If he stays with me, he will miss the meeting, if he goes to work, I will be more scared then if he was there.
I am Canadian and the suregery is paid for by the government.

For those that have asked, while the surgery that I am having is private, I will tell you that it is major. I will be in the hospital for a few days, and the surgery has already been rescheduled from 6 months ago. If I don't do it now, it may be worse in 6 months.
My dad has to be there to sign me in and check me out, but I don't know if an adult has to be there all day.

Answer 1

sunshine, good answers here already. Be aware that hospitals have seen patients' families pulled every which way. They're aware that sometimes a patient's loved ones simply can't be there. If you don't have a friend, relative, etc. to be with you, the staff will spend extra time with you, reassuring you that things are fine.

BTW, if you're young, consider asking the parent of a friend. I'd have done this for our kids' friends without hesitation. Moms have this real strong maternal thing going, and we'll mother whoever needs it.

Answer 2

This is just my opinion but it sounds as if your father is showering you with gifts as a sort of prepayment for your services. He wants you to feel obligated to do things for him, no matter how unreasonable, because he has been so 'good' to you. That's just another way to manipulate and use you. It's your decision whether you want to continue to have a relationship with him but if I were you and decided I would continue a relationship it would have to under entirely different circumstances. Tell him you and your husband just won't accept any more expensive gifts, it makes you feel uncomfortable because you can't reciprocate and guilty when you accept them. Tell him you will donate them to charity if he insists on giving expensive things. Then do it and show him the receipt from the charity. If he still asks you to do more for him than is reasonable tell him you can't because you have XYZ to do for your family. If he blows up, don't call and try to appease him. Let him own his own anger. If he chooses to take you out of his life so be it. You'll know you've done nothing wrong. Right now you are abetting him in acting like some kind of ogre.

Answer 3

Wow. that's rough. Dad probably needs his job to keep the health care that's paying for your surgery. I'd say pray with him before you go in and have him get to the hospital asap after the meeting. But if I were your dad, I'd let everyone know that my daughter was having surgery and that the meeting needed to be cut as short as possible. Once they foudn that out, I'm sure they'd tell him to leave. if not, then he needs to start looking for another job right away.

Answer 4

racer51 is correct. i have three children, the older two being 21 and almost 17. i would be there for them. try to have another adult be there for you. i can't believe people are telling you to stop being selfish! you are not selfish! i am an adult and surgery terrifies me!!! you are not wrong in wanting your father to be there. are you a close family? why do you refer to your grandfather as your mother's father? why didn't your parents reschedule your surgery so one of them could be with you? good luck hun!

Answer 5

Well, since his job is probably paying for the surgery, this is a no brainer. You need to be strong. I am sure, as soon as the meeting is over, your Dad will be right there for you.

Answer 6

I know you will be scared, but it is better that your dad go to the meeting if his job, and the family's welfare depend on it. He can be there when you come out of surgery, can't he? That's really when you will need him.

Answer 7

Time to grow up and stop being so self centered. Your family needs your dad to have his job. Get a friend to sit at your bedside. BTW, what kind of surgery? If you have a general anaesthetic, you'll be out cold most of the time, and will just want to sleep. You can do this by yourself

Answer 8

what kind of surgery if it is day surgery have a family friend go with you!!! you will be ok
if it is something you have like a 50/50 chance of surival then if i were your parents i would be there for you
go to the funeral mass whatever then apoligize and get out
if it was work then i would have your doctor write me a note and tell them it is maditory that i be there
you can not get fired here in the US if you have a doc's note
and it is life or death
again if it something small you will be fine

Answer 9

wow. in the us, a minor cannot have any medical procedure w/o a consenting adult. have your folks arranged for someone to be with you? if they have, try to relax. i'm sure they've thought this through and wouldn't have you go with someone else if they weren't sure of them. i'll bet your dad will be there by the time you wake up from surgery.

Answer 10

let him go to his meeting. its not like he wont be coming home. just find something to take up your time while he is away.