well i've always been prolife, but now i find out I'm pregnant with a third child who's father was abusive. I finially got out of the relationship and just started getting my life in order, and I had to go to the er and found out i'm pregnant. i can't keep this baby, it's gonna be hard enough with the 2 I have. But here I am who always said you should never termite a pregnancy but I'm considering doing it. I'm so lost and confussed. What should I do?
2007-09-23 23:03:50 · 31 answers · asked by blueeyedmama 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Unfortunately, no one can really decide this but you. Do what your heart tells you. No matter what you decide, it's going to be difficult, but one decision has many rewards too.
Think about both decisions a few years from now. Which one do you think will be easier to live with?
Take some time, relax, sleep on it, and do whatever seems easier for you. Know that life only throws at us what we can take and still survive.
It's your choice. Dont' let anyone tell you what to do.
I feel for you. It's a tough situation.
Good luck in deciding whatever's best for you.
2007-09-24 00:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by chloe 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
If you can bare it, I would suggest going the full course of the pregnancy and adopting the child. This way, you will feel much better about the decision. Look at the pros and cons of your situation.
Pros -
1) Somebody that cannot conceive will have the chance to raise a child. Every woman has the natural instinct to have a child but sadly some can't.
2) You will be creating life not destroying it.
3) Your body and mind will be in a better condition than if you abort
Cons -
1) You may not feel it at the time but over the years the guilt of killing (aborting) your child will get stronger
2) Abortions can be risky and complications are common
3) Each time you abort, you will cause damage to your womb
4) You might not be able to cope with the guilt and therefore you are likely to have mental problems.
It's a hard decision to make and only you can decide but consider all options before deciding as a wrong decision can affect you and your future, with or without another child. Don't just opt for an abortion simply because it's an easy way out, it isn't.
2007-09-24 00:24:20 · answer #2 · answered by kendavi 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
The "choice" is yours and yours alone. Like you I am prolife as well. I've always said that there are plenty of poeple out there who want babies and that we should adopt rather than dispose of. BUT, I am also prochoice to a point. I think if a pregnancy is a result of sexual assault or that there are health risks or other such hardships that a woman should have the right to choose.
Sounds like you already know that the father will not be a helpful particiapant in the raising of this child. And if he was abusive then you most likely have a lot of hurt, anger and resentment towards him which could leave you harboring resentment for the child later. Plus you have to consider your other two children and whether you can provide for them as well as another child on your own.
Are you the type of person who could birth a baby and then walk away guilt free? I'm not. And I had a similar choice with my second daughter. Her sperm donor was gay and I knew he wouldn't be in her life and that I'd be on my own. I had her and she's been my saving grace every since.
The choice is a difficult one, but no one here or anywhere can tell you what choice to make. Many are going to shout "no abortion", adopt! Some are going to say it's your choice. But in the end, it is completely up to you to determine what is right for you and your other two children.
I'm betting that the hurt that he has caused you is what is making you question having this baby. But I am also seeing a "survivor", and if you can escape the absue then you can overcome anything, including finding a place in this world with a new baby.
Good luck to you
2007-09-23 23:25:23 · answer #3 · answered by EvArtD 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
that sounds like an excerpt out of my life story... I had an abortion on 2/14/07, it would have been my third child, and i had already left his abusive father. i can tell you that things are very difficult with just me and the two i have right now, and if i would have kept this child, i would be hurting my life even more, as well as hurting my other children. I decided that it would be the best thing to terminate because i knew that there would be no way that i would be able to carry a child full term and just give it up. I will tell you that an abortion is very emotionally draining, and you will never forget your baby angel. But you should remember that the lord is with him/her, and you will be able to see him/her again. Our lives here on earth are soo short in the whole realm of things but the lord is gracious and forgiving, and knows that you need help. I had my first child at age 17, my second at age 21, and i would have had my third this month, but i know that my decision was for the best, even though before hand i would never have had an abortion, and was strictly against it, i have come to realize that women are all in different situations, and sometimes it really is your best option. Best of luck to you and if you need anything else, please let me know... Stacielb06@yahoo.com
2007-09-24 03:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by stacielb06 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Oh I know how you feel! There is no way I could possibly say everything on a single post... so if you wanna chat email me.
I have been in your situation, and I remember that very moment I found out I was pregnant. No one will EVER know how that feels unless you have been there...our stories seem way to similar.. with the abuse and all.. If you wanna chat email me... if not. I know you will somehow find peace in your decision, and that even though it seems like the world is ending right now... A baby only takes 9 months to get here, and weather you decide to keep it or put it up for adoption- you will be back on the "getting your life in order" track once again. I wish you luck!
2007-09-23 23:42:53 · answer #5 · answered by think about that~ 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This your choice and choice alone sweety, only you know what you can handle, everyone answering you will have there own opinion, but they are not living your life. I too have an opinion and that is that you can not reverse an abortion but you can give the child a chance with a family that is so desperate to have children but biologically can't. I hope the fathers behaviour and personality are not a factor in this decision as the child will be a product of both of your genes and how it is raised so it does not have to turn out like its father.
I wish the best of luck and hope you can find peace with which you decide
2007-09-24 01:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
There are other options than abortion. For one, you can claim child support, the more kids you have, the more he has to pay to cover for them. Sure it will be hard, but there's nothing like raising your kids and watching them grow.
Another option is adoption, or temporary fostering. Is there anyone in the family who would agree to raise the child as their own, so that at least you can be close to it?
I don't think you would ever be able to forgive yourself if you DID have an abortion, as you yourself said you are pro life, and you're lost and confused. If you do abort, without being 2000% sure it was the right thing to do, the nagging doubt will wear you down and crush you. It is a permanent decision that you can't undo. At least with adoption, you know your child is out there, somewhere, living. And one day, you'll get the chance to explain to them, you loved them so much you had to bring them into the world, and you loved them enough to give them up, so that they would have a good life.
I hope that you make the decision that's right for you. As a woman TTC, it's hard for me to hear stories like this, but I would not judge you either way, sometimes there are sad situations like this, that can't be helped much.
2007-09-24 02:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by A derka der 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm so sorry that you are in a tough situation. If you've "always been pro-life," I fear that you will hate yourself for having an abortion. Would it be better to have the baby and give it up for adoption?
Whatever you decide, I pray that you get your life back together with the two kids you have, and can stay away from the abusive partner. Don't go back to him, whatever you do!
Good luck.
2007-09-23 23:14:17 · answer #8 · answered by bibliophile31 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Overall you do what works for you but remember adoption is always a option too. That baby didn't ask to be concieved. Perhaps giving another person the joy of your child is a better idea.
2007-09-27 18:33:41 · answer #9 · answered by pamalalauren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go talk to planned parenthood. Abortion is not the awful thing most people portray it as.......most women who get abortions have one major emotional afterwards: relief. I did. I have no regrets; I did what I have to do. Make the decision that is best for you; these prolife people will not be paying for your baby the next 18 years, nor will they be your support system. They should have no bearing on your choice.
Even though most prolife propaganda states that most women have regret following an abortion, the opposite is true. Most women, as stated above, only have relief. A very small percentage of women who have abortions have regret afterwards. People who believe strongly in prolife sometimes have a way of skewing statistics to fit their needs.
2007-09-24 04:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by beautifulirishgirl 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋