you say.
Are you mostly angry BIRTH"mothers", or just pissed because you got landed with crap parents?
I for one am an adoptee, yes, shock, horror, gasp, through an AMERICAN DOMESTIC ADOPTION, oh my God! and I'm sick of hearing these ungrateful people bagging adoption in each and every case!
Nobody says it's ALWAYS wonderful, but sometimes it is. Not every person who has sex and makes a child can be a parent. Plain and simple.
Sorry for you that you got crap parents, but what do you think non-adopted people with crap parents do? They don't have an adoption soapbox to stand on!
So what exactly is your problem?
2007-09-23 20:06:35 · 24 answers · asked by Weeme 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Nick M, my grammar is perfectly fine, I'm sorry if you have reading issues.
Maybe you should consider answering the question before leaving smart comments?
2007-09-23 20:15:48 · update #1
Gershom, thank you for your well wishes, I also wish you well on your journey towards (hopefully) improved mental health.
Adoptionissickn...whatever the rest of that is, I feel sorry for your parents. I hate to break it to you, but actually your birthfamily are the strangers. You need to get over yourself and deal with life.
What I'm saying is quite simple. A LOT of adoptees make too much out of their 'supposed' issues. They quote books about the negatives of adoption, talk about things that nobody can prove otherwise, and just generally make their experiences out to be the only valid ones. They cause a lot of heartache towards others, and think they can get away with it because they like to wear a label saying "I'm an adoptee, pity me".
Some adoptees need to get over the persecution complex, they claim to have a hollowness, emptyness, etc. You can't miss something you've never known.
That's my point. Do you get it yet?
2007-09-23 22:00:07 · update #2
Stray, I'm sorry for your experience, but I did state earlier in my original question that I know not all adoption experiences are good. Obviously yours was terrible, and I'm genuinely sorry for that.
Also, a vast number of studies (I can post links if anybody's actually interested, which I doubt, because it goes against anti-adoption propaganda) state that brain development is formed primarily in the first 3 years of life, in which a combination of environment, caregiving and stimuli interaction create 'connectors' in the brain, therefore disputing what previous, more archaic researchers thought about babies being born with a genetic set of values and thoughts already in place.
2007-09-23 22:45:51 · update #3
I was adopted also and I understand what you mean. Although not everyone is like this, and some adoptees really did have awful experiences. I'm trying at the moment to decide if I should 'be closer to' my birth family. I don't really want to bother too much but I don't think others understand how you feel when your adopted parents really do feel like your parents.
2007-09-24 01:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Why are you lumping all adoptees into one category and saying that we are all bitter and angry? Generalization are what make people angry. What you see are people who generally unhappy with at least one aspect of being adopted that is why they are here. It's the same old story you never hear from the customer who had a great experience but you sure hear from everyone who had a less than expected experience. It's the same thing with adoption and why people post regarding what they are going through in each of their own individual cases. There are many thousands of individuals who are touched by adoption but you are most likely only seeing the smaller percentage who want to speak out. They need to know that they are not the only ones who are having the same feelings whether positive or negative.
The biggest problem with adoption is the lack of knowledge and the secrecy that this country has put upon it. Most adoptees do not have the same rights as those raised within their biological families. We can not have access to our original birth certificates. We can not most times find out the circumstances behind the decision of why we were placed with another family. We do not have medical history to pass onto our doctors should an ailment arise. Medical conditions are still not always a reason to open an adoption record in the eyes of the court so don't have the misconception that just because someone is sick they can get the info they need, it doesn't always happen that way.
Why don't non-adoptees have a soapbox to stand on??? Do they not have the right to post on another category regarding family issues? I seem to have read many of them there. Everyone has a soapbox and most people when inclined, use it.
2007-09-24 07:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by Devin's mom 4 · 11⤊ 2⤋
I am tired of all the non adoptees being mean to me the non adoptees have been mean to me my whole life I am tired of the non adoptees getting to live better than me because there not adopted and nobody even recognizes this or even cares that the non adoptees get treated better than me the adoptee
2014-11-07 03:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am an adoptee and an adoptive mother and I can say that both experiences have been absolutely positive.
I am not angry at all with my birth mother (who was a rape victim, so in this case, the "she loved you so much she wanted to give you a great life and gave you to people who could" arguement does not apply). I understand completely why she gave me up, why she wants no contact with me, why I am probably a source of pain to her. But do I let it consume me? No way.
I only got 25 years with my Mom (I hate the term adoptive Mom since she was my Mom, the only one I ever knew) before she was killed in a car accident and although there were rocky spots, I could not have asked for a better Mother.
I have NEVER felt all of those feelings that the books say I should have felt (ie.. second best, big empty hole in my life etc). I know that I was loved, even more so since my Mom made a choice to become a Mom, didn't just "happen".
There will always be negativity associated with adoption, but I have to say that I have never let that negativity get the best of me and any problems I did have, I did not blame them on being adopted.
2007-09-24 06:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by hippiemommy 3 · 7⤊ 4⤋
Oh weewee,
Let me guess: you are either an adoptee who is mad that we're makin' all that racket while you're trying to sleep, OR you're an adoptive parent who want to keep your fantasy alive?
Oh, if only the odds were this easy in Vegas!
Adoption is usually wrong. We were meant to remain with our natural parents. You're right--this is not possible in every case, but it is in a MAJORITY of cases.
There are lots of books you could read, and sites you could visit, but it seems you're heavily in your current point of view.
2007-09-25 13:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by Sunny 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
With all of the resources that are available today, why don't we have resources to help the mothers that want to raise their baby and can't for whatever reason that may be. In my mom's case, she had no choice because her loving parents would not support her. Am I angry for getting stuck with crap parents, no. Do I blame anyone for them being hypocritical idiots who had no reason to have kids, no. I love my birth mom like she had been my mom from my birth. My adopted father is my daddy. My birth mom is mommy. I am not bitter or angry. That is just the way it is. My adopted mom has no one to blame but herself.
2007-09-24 18:33:31 · answer #6 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
i agree and i hope everyone that's read it should embrace it .................... but some people have got angry but uneducated and unintelligent but it still was a good point.................. i hope people that's been trought this take it as an good advice..................... i hope everyone that happen a bad adoption experience should learn as a parent if they have kids are is going to......................while not all mother are angry when they give up that kids they know they cant support them and some one else can................. and some are not ready for kids are just plan angry with their self ......... people need to get more education on these point of adoption.
2007-09-25 12:39:03 · answer #7 · answered by Sparkle 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Firstly Bitterness and anger are not synonomous with each other. It is very possible to be angry without being bitter. Anger is not negative it is neatral and it can be an extemly positive force that gives people the energy to change things for the better.
I am not a mother who relinquished a child and I don't have children but I cant understand what is wrong with a woman being angry that her child was taken away from her. Do you know any people with children who wouldn't be angry if they had their child taken from them?
Even if adptees grow up in a helpful supportive loving adoptive family (which BTW doesn't happen as often as the propaganda would lead people to believe) there is no reason they should be "Grateful". Gratitude is not something people can demand of other people. Adoptees didn't choose to be adopted they didn't ask to have their families shattered. Nobody needs to be grateful to their parents/care givers for just doing what they have chosen to do.
As for adoptees who are hurt and angry for any reason why shouldn't they talk about it?
2007-09-23 21:15:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 12⤊ 5⤋
My husband adopted a foster baby who was neglected by her biological father as her mother was a drug addict. The doctor said she was an 'addicted' baby. She grew up being so hateful... hateful at her biological parents for not wanting her, hateful at her adopted mother for rejecting her (she was abusive to her) and now hateful with me cos I married her father.
My husband spoiled her and tried to make up for all her losses.... at times at my expense cos he was always trying to protect her ... 'even from me'. He felt that his adopted daughter was a victim.... so that allowed her to played her vicious game well and got away with all the troubles she caused. She was so hateful, she threw all the presents i gave her, refused to eat what i cooked, rude, lied that i victimized her etc ....
I have no idea how to get across to her at all. She has built a wall and acted that way so that no one cld 'hurt' her... according to what my husband told me. I just leave her alone and hope that she will come to realise that there are good people on earth and not all are like her two mothers.
2007-09-25 11:27:48 · answer #9 · answered by Sal SR 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
well i commend you for speaking up and i feel the same way i for one was adopted and i had a good child hood and am glad i was adopted. yes, it was fine and i am fine. yes there are those who just hate it and stuff but maybe they have not thought enough about what would be like or if you got bad set of parents i am sorry but its best when there is no one there to raise them someone has to and mostly they are good people out there. take care.
2007-09-25 15:33:26 · answer #10 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋