Is this normal "sexual activity" for a four year old?? HELP?

Question

My son is 4, is it normal that he had a "sexual" experience??
Ok, not like a "sexual sexual" experience, ok here is the story i just got from him.....we went to my inlaws tonight and he has a cousin that is 4 also. They were playing in the kid room and i went in to check on them and they were under the blanket. I made them stay out from under the blanket from then on. When we got home i asked my son about it and he told me that he pulled his pants down and rubbed his goober on her and kissed her on the mouth and so on.(thas the just of i She told him to stop it and he did. I have always taught my son that he can talk to me about anything at all, and i am glad that he does. I remember playing "doctor" when i was his age and do not think it is a big deal. I mean i wont be leaving him alone with a girl again, but...not unnatural. My husband on the other hand thinks it is deviant behavior. Am i to lax about it and my husband is right or is he going overboard?? Children are just figureing out thier bodies, i think it just felt good to them..

Answer 1

Hi Rachel!
Yes it is normal for children to explore their body. I think because he had a friend there, that they just explored this togther. You'll have to remember that kids at this age don't think of this as we would. We could be the most descrete parents in the world, and we can control what they watch, but they will eventually figure out that other part of their body. It's a curiosity thing. Nothing more. The kids were probably playing and it happened. Just express to your son that it's ok to explore his body, but it must be done in private, and by himself.
Your husband shouldn't go overboard with this, because your son will see his reaction and wonder why it's a big deal. Then he'll want to explore more. We have to be careful to not make our children be ashamed of their own body, and yet make sure that they know what is appropriate and what isn't. You'll be just fine sweetie. You are not being lax. You're doing the right thing and not overreacting. :-)

Answer 2

It is normal for children his age to experiment sexually, discovering his own body and what feels good. A light discussion about where he learned the behavior may be in order, but it is important not to make too big a deal out of it to him, because making him feel guilty about sexuality can cause psychological problems down the line.

What you should look out for is: Coercive sexual practices… where the child will try to convince other children to do things they don’t want to do through manipulation or force. Excessive masturbation, or a constant need for sexual contact to feel comfort. Disregard for privacy of exploration; masturbating in public places or inappropriate closeness to strangers.

The fact that he was under a blanket and kissing on the mouth says to me that he has witnessed someone having sex, perhaps walked in on you and your husband, or maybe saw something on television that he should not have seen. The fact that he stopped when the other child expressed discomfort tells me that he was not being coercive or forceful, so I would try to keep that in mind when discussing it with him.

Remember at this age, the bigger a deal you make out of it, the bigger a deal it will be. Remain calm, discuss with him what you consider to be appropriate behavior, and assure him that you are not angry, but you don’t feel what he was doing was okay… and defiantly make sure you and your husband are on the same page before you discuss this with him. It is important that he sees the same moral stance from both of you or it will only breed confusion.

Hope that helped. Good-luck.

Answer 3

Children at that age are only curious. I wouldnt be too concerned at all. i remember reading some where that this age are learningabout their sexuality and its only natural for them to check each other out(so to speak). I think if he was much older like 8 on wards there would be cause for concern. However if you are concerned go and see your GP, or local health nurse and ask them what they think. I also feel that your husband needs to relax and not make a big deal over this. I feel if you make it an issue your son may become ashamed and may never tell you anything again. Good lUck

Answer 4

For a four year old to know anything about this sort of stuff, his innocence has been corrupted somewhere along the line. You should have a casual conversation and ask him who taught him about kissing or touching?

He needs to understand that this behavior is presently not appropriate. That he should not involve anyone else with his downstairs bits. When he's a bit older, you can explain more thoroughly to him that it's ok to share it with someone he cares about, but for now, a blanket ban on all such things with other people (no pun intended).

I think that while things like this happen a lot with children, they are not usually dealt with appropriately, leading to problems down the line. I also do not think that they should happen. They should hold on to their innocence as long as possible.

It is not 'deviant' behavior, that implies that the child is to blame, which no, he is not. But I will bet you that SOME ONE is to blame.

Answer 5

Your attitude is both mature, and correct. Your husband is over reacting. Children become aware of their own bodies, and will experiment. The main thing is not to alarm the child by making a big deal about it. He is not old enough to have an explanation, you just have to make sure that the opportunity doesn't arise for him to experiment. Your calmness and logical thought about this are admirable, and entirely appropriate.

Answer 6

Exploring the world, including the sexual organs, is natural for a child. What your four-year old is doing is thus not in any way unnatural. Think of dogs and cats, who very often sniff at each other's behinds. But in our culture, such behaviour is not accepted. Because of this, you need to set limits for him. Tell him in a gentle, non-anxious manner that she should not do this with his cousin.
Try not to make to big of a deal out of it as we all know kids and attention, if they know there getting it, well, they'll do what it is that is getting it....

hope this helps, and remember this don't make you bad mum, its natural for kids to explore..

good luck:)

Answer 7

I think even at his young age, and even though he's experimenting, you at least need to at least point out what is "acceptable behaviour" and explain about people's "personal space boundaries". You don't want him thinking its ok to just go rub up against anyone because it feels good to him.

You should try and find a happy medium between your response and your husband's response to the occurance. This way you can be sure that you're parenting "together".

Answer 8

Your husband is completly correct you're so wrong. The question I would be asking myself is where did he learn this behaviour? My god I would be so worried I would think my kid had been molested so get a grip and do something.

Answer 9

Masturbation? Normal.

Rubbing "goober" on someone, NOT normal.

My niece was raped and molested when she was 2.
She showed signs by humping dolls and stuffed animals, talking about penises and vagina's in way too much detail, and of course, the physical signs that she had been molested and raped.

I would be asking him about who taught him to touch others with his boy parts.

Answer 10

it IS normal for little toddlers and children to be demonstrating some mastubatory tendencies. i mean, it's been observed in young babies who babble and laugh while grinding their pelvis on the carpet.

however, i think you need to make it clear to your child that his type of behavior isn't really acceptable, do you not agree? the problem isn't that he's exploring his own sexuality... the problem was that he was imposing it on another child. Your son, he is a child after all, and they're bound to make mistakes. just correct him on it. but children who explore themselves sexually is fairly normal. just let your child know there are a times and places it's not acceptable, and most importantly... involving other people like how he did, is unacceptable. don't punish him though! remember, this is a very sensitive issue.

i hope this helps.