If you and I were friends and I spanked your child for being out of line, would you be mad at me?

Question

Say this child was anywhere from the age of 2 to 10. At age 2 I would probably give them a spank on the hands and at age 10 a spank on the butt. Say for instance you are at my house and your child is running through the house repeatedly. For whatever reason you aren't disciplining your child. I get tired of seeing them act up so I jump in and ask them to stop. They stop for 3 minutes and start back up again. Next, they're sitting in my couch indian style with their shoes on. Again, I wait for you to get involved but you don't.

I finally, in a FIRM voice ask your kid to stop or otherwise they are going to get spanked. Would you get mad at me? Would you get up and leave or would you say something to me?

Let's keep in mind that YOU are watching your child's every move but you aren't saying a single word.

Answer 1

Depends. If my bestfriend spanked my child, My child probably deserved it.It grew up in a Strict and Firm Christian family where I got spanked for being bad. I turned out fine and am sure my kids will turn out fine also.

Answer 2

I agree so much with Joan R and Worshipful Heart.
First of all- any friend of yours would have stepped in and taken care of the situation as soon as their child acted up or they saw you disapprove of their child's behaviour.
If they haven't given you the right to spank their child then you have no right. That is not something to ever take lightly. Only my parents and maybe grandparents (and probably my siblings- although not so innocently:) ever spanked me. I am not an abused child (adult now) and I grew up just fine.
I am not big on time out either because it is used unproperly most of the time. I think more can be done with consistent discipline and teaching from the parents. Each child knows what is truly acceptable and unacceptable to the parent. And unacceptable does not mean telling your child "no" or screaming at them then laughing about it or letting them do it anyways because God forbid they ever have the "no" enforced.... I would love to beat the ever loving crap out of my friend's child. And it took me a while to feel like that. But after he kicked, punched, slapped, spit, threw (thing) and everything else on/to/at me so many times, I lost a lot of patience. I WOULD NEVER BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ANY CHILD. I was just speaking of a feeling which every mother (and babysitter) goes through- whether you admit or not. Anyways, if your friend gives you permission to spank her child then it should be with in her own guidelines. And it is best not to spank a child if their parent is present AND able(AFTER they have given you permission that is). A parent should know better than to allow their children to act up.
Also, consider that the rules in her home may be the opposite of yours and so the child is confused.
However, no means no so that still isn't too much consolation.
If I was you, I'd probably tell her kid and her off for the disrepect after repeated attempts to correct the child. And then I would ask her to leave and to teach her child (And herself) some manners.
And to agree with a lot of the others also, if I didn't give you permission to spank my child, I'd beat the ever loving crap out of you. No need to get the law involved because I'd have done my own justice.
Well, best wishes.....

Answer 3

I'd get mad at you. I would not get up and leave before telling you how I felt about it. A child over the age of five or six should not be spanked at all. If they have not been spanked before that, then it won't do any good by then. There are other forms of discipline for a child that age. There is only one legal way to spank a child in the United States and that is on the butt, with clothes on and with the palm of your hand only. Any other place is illegal. I would not allow my children to behave like that when visiting my friends. If they did, we'd leave. I'd get mad if you wouldn't let me do the spanking also. If you were watching my children and i was not present, then I would leave you to discipline them as you saw fit as long as you knew what I expected of them and how they were to behave and how I disciplined them so we could be uniform in our teaching.

Answer 4

I wouldn't get mad at you because its your house. Friends should have an arrangement were they can discipline each others children. I feel that if they parent isn't doing what they need to in order to discipline their child then someone needs to. No child should be running around somebody else house that's just wrong. The child and the parents should know better. If the child doesn't learn to follow directions and the parent just continues to sit still I would ask them to leave before i punish the child that way you wont feel so bad.

Answer 5

It takes a village to raise a child. But try time out next time it works better, and the mom probably wouldn't get angry with you. Also I agree with the other poster you should have first asked her to polite leave for the day.
My friends and I all help out with each others children. We treat each others children like our own. However we do not spank each others children that is up to the parent if they feel it necessary. I do give other children time outs and such but never do I spank them. That would not set right with me either. Chances are if you had told the children your in time out and put them in a time out place mom wouldn't have been mad.

Answer 6

I believe in spanking my child but no one else spanks my child without my permission. I agree that the behavior you described deserved a good spanking - but here are my rules regarding spanking.

I do not leave my children with anyone that I do not trust or wold not allow to spank m children. If I feel that they understand my spanking guidelines and are on the same page discipline wise then I will give them the authority to spank. Anyone that watches my child, even for a short period of time , plays a role in their character development- I will not settle for just a babysiter but someone I know and trust will take the role seriously and is in agreement with me.

I refuse to babysit for anyone that does not trust me to discipline and spank their child if neessary. If they are not in agreement with me disciplining their child the way Idiscipline my own then I will not watch their children, period.

As far as having a child here with their parent- if the child is behaving inappropriately, I will make clear to the parent what my house rules are and that I would appreciate if they took charge of their child and not allow them to behave that way. If it got to the point where you told the parent then told the child and the parent was still not taking responsibility then I would tell the parent - (before you did something to the child) Look, your child cannot behave this way in my house, your allowing him/ her to break my house rules is disrespectful to me- if you cannot discipline your child then either I will spank them or oyu will have to leave. If they got mad - too bad- it is outright disrespect for a 'friend' to allow their child to be out of control in someone else's house. My children have been trained from birth, when they are in someone else's home they are to show respect and obey the rules and if they are given correction, they are to receive it respectfully- anyone that allows otherwise is doing their child a huge diservice and is going to wind up losing a lot of friends. I certainly would not invite this person back to my home

Answer 7

I would prefer that if you had these issues with my child and I was there that you raise them with me before jumping in and discipling my child.
Im sorry but I would'nt spank someone elses child as its not my place to do and would be upset if someone had to my child especially if I was there.
I probably wouldn't have an issue with you asking my child to settle down but then again I also wouldnt allow my child act up and do nothing about it..
Sorry but i don't think its anyone elses place but the parents to discipline their child with a smack.

Answer 8

Let's put it this way...you and I wouldn't be friends much longer!
Seriously, I know how annoying it can be when your friends stand there ignoring their child's bratty behaviour, but spanking them is way out of line.
Telling them off, even punishing them in some way is one thing, but you have to remember that spanking's a really personal choice for parents, and it's actually considered assault to spank another person's child.
That said, no child of mine would be behaving that way in our own house, let alone someone else's!

Answer 9

You would be totally out of line for spanking someone else's child unless the parent gave you express permission to do so.

In the scenario you described, the children were misbehaving in front of you and the parent. Instead of addressing the children, you should have addressed the parent directly and asked him/her to stop his/her children from doing what they were doing. Many people would find this difficult to do, but it is the right and appropriate thing to do.

It is, I repeat, totally inappropriate to spank or threaten to spank someone else's children without their parents' permission.

Answer 10

If the child's behaving that badly, and the parent won't do anything about it, you should ask them both to leave. Yes, the parent will be mad at you, so consider whether or not it's worth it to you.

You should NEVER lay a hand on someone else's child, unless it's to save his/her life. (Prevent the child from running into traffic, administer CPR, etc.)