Should I report this as child abuse?

Question

my friend gets beaten up be her dad. he'll punch her really hard in the face for nothing. one time he hit her for getting a problem wrong on her homework. she says it's really common in her family. her mom and sister don't even care. they barely look up, it's so normal. that's really all i know. she's scared of him, like she lives in fear of him. he's really strict with her about grades. she gets in huge trouble for bad grades. i feel sick every time i think about it. it's been going on for at least like 8 months but i think longer, and she says that the hitting gets worse and

but she told me she doesn't want child protective people involved. she says it would really mess up her family, and that her dad might be even angrier at her for telling anyone. she doesn't think the child protective services can do anything. she says that she'll be 18 in 5 years, and she can move out and live her own life without fear of her dad. she says she'll be okay, but it just sucks sometimes.

she also says that it's been getting worse. she's been depressed but she says it's not related to her dad hitting her. she says she can hang on 5 more years and told me not to tell. should i tell? if i do, how? do i call the police? do i need ID? can it be anonymous?

some people don't bruise that easily. i got punched really hard in the cheekbone once and i barely had a bruise. she told me that when she gets a bruise, unless it breaks the skin, it's barely visible, because her skin's pretty dark.

i think her sister gets hit too, and her mom thinks it's normal. she thinks, tho she doesn't know for sure, that her mom and dad both got hit as kids. her aunts and uncles hit their kids as well.

are there any good websites with phone numbers and resources for me and her? what would happen if i called? would CPS visit her house? would they make her go to a foster home? what if there's no evidence of bruises? like i said, she doesn't bruise easily. one time we were hanging out and she hit her leg really hard against a fence by mistake, and she didn't get any sort of visible or palpable bruise. if i had done that, i'd have a giant dark bruise.

Answer 1

i was a victim of child abuse and i was helped by a friend. i said the same things to myself over and over, only a few more years left... i can make it, but infact the slight beam of hope that the thought gives you starts wearing off after a while. you need to go to your school counselor and discuss the issue. you don't need to contact 911 or go to the police, your counselor will handle this issue accordingly. what you can do to help your friend is to record every issue she speaks of (PRIVATELY, without her knowing) and write in accurate details everything she tells you. this way, if they are taken to court, you have an indepth analysis of what accounts she has been through. often people who are suffering from trauma related incidents fabricate stories and it is hard to persecute the perpatrator for this. make sure that you have some proof, take a picture. i know that she will not willingly do so, just take one subtly. be very careful about how you approach the subject with your guidance counselor or trusted adult. although they may be able to help you, you do not want to hurt your friend in the process. five years is too long to wait, it is better to get help now. please tell a trusted adult, a teacher, or a guidance counselor at your school. things will get better, i know.

Answer 2

Well its a tough question because she has trusted you to not tell. There are so many posibilities. Lets say you call protective service and her dad finds out before protective service actually does anything? lets say them come to only investigate but leave until they find more proof? then your friends father will only be so angry that your friend will definitely be in worse shape then she is in now. But if you dont tell then its possible that there might be something else that triggers your friends father to abuse her far worse then she has been and it may be so severe that it might cost her her life and then you will regret you didnt call. If i had a friend in this situation i would tell her to get a cell phone, a pay as you go type plan so that in case she ever got so frightened and felt she was in extreme danger, like life and death that she would be able to call you or the police. but still that is a very tough question and you have to think about it and do what your heart says.

Answer 3

Yes deffinately report him. You'd be doing her a HUGE favor. He is not only screwing up her now (meaning emotionally, physically, mentallly) He is going to screw her up in the future. she is going to get into bad relationships and not doing anything then b/c she was "use" to it by her dad/ SHe NEEDS to get him out of the house ASAP. THe sooner the better. Yet she still is going to have problems. THis isn't something like when she turns 18 and moves out everything will be ok. It will come with her and haunt her. And saying that she's depressed is a big clue now. It IS b/c of her dad. THat is why she is depressed. Please tell someone. the next hit could be the worst and she could end up in the hospital or even worse... dead.. thats not a chance to take.

Answer 4

Yes definately tell someone. Maybe you could ask the police not to tell who tipped them off so her dad would never know. It's the best thing for both her and her dad. For her "Just 5 years" is a long time, and the age between 13 and 18 have a huge effect of the devepment of people. For her dad, it will make him deal with his obvious anger issues; issues that are probably screwing up his life in many way. In my experience, no one who lives angry is ever alright.

Answer 5

The situation is a no-win one. Your friend is right to be concerned, because if you call social services they very well investigate and determine that there is not sufficient evidence of abuse... In which case your friend may get an even worse beating... Also, if she is placed into protective custody, she will almost certainly have her school-life, family-life disrupted, and may find herself the victim of further abuse physical, sexual, or a combination of the two...

Does she have non-violent family living nearby that would be willing to care for her?

There is a lot that is at risk...

Is it possible that her mom might be persuaded to pluck-up the courage to leave this man?

God bless.

Answer 6

Yes. Now. Do it anonymously, it you're worried about being threatened.

If no one stops this monster, how will he know that it is wrong, wrong, wrong? I'm sure he knows it's wrong, but the victim and the offender need help badly. Same with the rest of the family.

This kind of behavior will just get passed down to their future generation. This family will consider it a norm to treat their children this way. It is not!

But I understand that she is afraid to break up the family. But maybe this will fix the family in the long run if you report it now.

Good luck to you and your friend and her family...

Answer 7

Go tell your guidance counsellor or principal at school. Your friend thinks that she is the reason he hits her. That's the problem with people who are abused - they think they cause it. Your friend and her family needs help, counselling and a friend. You know what's right. Say something to someone. Even if it means losing her as a friend you can't let it go on. Let the professionals get involved. Tell a teacher you want to speak to him/her in private. They are trained for this!

Answer 8

Definitely it is child abuse, and the abuser deserves to be punished by law. Do report it before this family is developed to become a menace to society because of what they have been through in their pasts. Maybe the abuser is sole breadwinner which is why the family members cannot go against him.... the mother should do something as she is also liable for not taking good care of their children...

Answer 9

There is NO way that he punching her in the face and everyone else is just sitting idly by, eating their beef stew. When you see her, does she have black eyes? Busted lip? Broken nose? If not, then I don't believe that he's hitting her in the face (which makes me doubt her story completely). Most abusers hit where the bruise will not be seen by others, and most victims are ashamed to tell ANYONE.

In any case, if there is a chance that she's being abused, then call the local police or the local Child Protective Services division and tell them what your friend said. Yes, it can be anonymous. They'll want the victim's (your friend's) name, address, and phone number. It really only takes a few minutes. They'll investigate, and if it turns out to be nothing, they'll drop it. If it turns out to be something, they take measures to protect the family and stop the abuse. Definitely call.

Answer 10

REPORT HIM ASAP. She might not live 5 more years. If he is punching her in the stomach he might cause liver or kidney damage! Her mom should be brought up on charges too for letting this go on! He is probably hitting her too. I just cannot understand why a woman would let her child get beaten like that. I would kill a guy if they ever hit my child like that.