How do I deal with a short-tempered stepmother?

Question

I've been living with my dad my entire life (I'm 16) and my stepmother joined us three years ago. It was okay the first two years, but just the other day she just... lost it. I made a small, simple mistake (bought the wrong salmon fillet) and she just went completely berserk. She started yelling at me as soon as she checked the fridge the next morning, stating I'm absent-minded and stupid. I told my dad about her anger management, but unfortunately she overheard our conversation and started yelling at us. She said the most ridiculous things, such as "Your previous mother was stupid and ugly," and "Your son is a stupid, uneducated bastard." How would I deal with this?

Answer 1

I have a stepfather and the best way to deal with it is to just ignore it and not give into anger. Don't feed into it and don't put your dad in an awkward position. Let him see it for himself that she is touchy.

Answer 2

I agree with considering on living with your mom. This is ridiculous! She took that long to show her true colors, but she eventually did.

I don't think this is a healthy environment to be around and if your dad isn't willing to be the sane third party in your house, leaving will get the message across. Blowing up over wrong salmomn fillet is NOT a good reason to lose your brain-- I could understand if it was drugs but it wasn't anything near as bad!

In the meantime, get a job and stay out of the house as much as possible. Have a car you can use or a license? Go to the library to study. Schoolwork will suffer in an environment like this.

And how dare she say that your mother was stupid and ugly? Who is she to make statements like that?

I always knew stepmothers were nasty.

Answer 3

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. It sounds like your stepmom is really stressed out and frustrated. As difficult as it is, I would go to her directly and first do the unexpected -- ask her out to lunch. That doesn't have to be what you do, but I would ask her to do something special with you (nothing expensive or that takes a long time), just the two of you. It really might soften her heart (even though she may not deserve it). Then, when you two are together, try to talk to her about it without being defensive. I know I am telling you to do something monumentally huge, but I really believe if you take the high road, other people come around. Try to love her, though she doesn't deserve it, and find some common ground where you can all live together in better circumstances. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Well - I'm not making excuses for her - but she's probably going through menopause. Women (around 45 or 50) get pretty wacked out sometimes.

She has NO BUSINESS badmouthing your Mom. I don't care if your Mom is a drug addict who used to beat you. She is your only Mom - and step parents should NEVER talk negatively to the kids about their blood parents. NEVER. And if she is saying negative things about you - that's wrong too.

DON'T retaliate. Ignore her as best you can. If you jump in with the name calling - you will be stooping to her horrible level. Don't do it.

Talk with your Dad and tell him that you don't appreciate her behavior (he's experienced it now too). If your Dad is smart - he'll let her know that it's NOT okay for her to talk that way. Your needs and well-being should be put in front of hers - always. If your Mom and Dad couldn't make things work - THAT;S NOT YOUR FAULT. If your Dad can't keep your step mother in line - THAT;S NOT YOUR FAULT. Explain to your Dad that you've been through a lot that you had no say about. It's his reponsibility to stand up for you to your stepmom.

If your Dad won't deal with her - then just behave - be a good kid and give them NOTHING to use against you. When you are 18 - leave the house - calmly.

Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all she is a woman, maybe she has some issues you don't know about. Maybe she is having hormonal problems as in the change of life or even PMSing. What about her job situation, she may be very stressed at work. Try to look where she is coming from. Maybe she feels you just don't pay attention when she asks you to do something and she is frustrated. She did go way over the line with calling you stupid and uneducated (unless you are (joking!) ). I'm not saying she was right to do this but maybe there is something going on in her life you don't know about. Try to be more understanding and see if maybe you can get her at a time when she is calm and talk it over with her. Talking is the most important thing to do.

Answer 6

This is abuse on your SM's part, and it needs to stop.
Your dad will not put up with a lot of abuse for long, either... at some point he will look hard at getting a divorce.
The fact of her sudden shift in behavior means that she needs to go in for psychiatric evaluation and bloodwork... she may need medication. Mention this to your dad.

Ask your dad to get each of you in for family counseling... you all go separately, then go in together... everybody gets to express themselves, then the counselor (the referee) helps everyone to find common ground.

Failing that, what are the chances of going to live with your mom...or grandmother... just to get away from the harpie?

Other than that, the only thing you really can do is get your chores & homework done, and stay out of trouble. Get into more extracurricular activities or get a part-time job so you will have a legitimate excuse to stay away from the house.
You only have 2 years left before you can go to college... see if you can go to one far enough away so you can live in a dorm.

Answer 7

I feel so sorry for you. I am a stepmother myself. I cldnt even bring myself to tell my step daughter off when she was rude, disrespectful, etc etc... or when she created tons of problems for me. It was to avoid further trouble.

I suggest you tell your father on how you feel and discuss how best it is to solve this problem. Maybe he can help you get a place to stay temporary, preferably with a relative or his friend.... to allow your dad to work out this problem with her. Then when time is right, return home. Your dad has to make her know that it was wrong of her to treat you that way. You dont deserve that sort of treatment. Neither does your dad. She might be angry over something to make her act that way.

Be patient. Dont take her insults to heart. Forgive her and you will feel better. You dont have to retaliate.

Answer 8

When your step mom says rude, cruel things, such as you've described, the best way to handle her is to just look at her and say nothing -- absolutely nothing. The silence will put the spotlight on her bad behavior. Make sure the look on your face is one of disbelief at such behavior. She'll soon learn that she can't get a reaction from you, and you'll feel in control of yourself.

Remember, the only person you can control is yourself.

Answer 9

Your father should have straightened her out immediately. No SOB would call my children stupid, uneducated bastards, and they would not put their other parent down in front of them. If your father does not have the guts to handle his wife, then I would suggest that you go back to live with your mother. This woman is crazy!! Good thing she is with your dad. any other man would have put her butt out in a heartbeat!! You just don't treat children like that regardless of their mistakes.

Answer 10

Wow that sounds like a verbal abuse.. Ingore her and next time you tell her to write it down the grocery lists so you wouldnt mistaken.. But she doesnt have a reason to go that MAD... Obviously she have a anger management.. Maybe she needs to seek a counseling help with her anger management.. Its your dad job to talk to her about it.. You should convience your dad about her.. If not then maybe he will realized it somedays...