I recently attended a wedding of a family member and of course that means I had to interact with my extended family. My female cousin of the same age (28) was the one who got married. I being a single guy (always have been) went to the wedding by myself. I was one of a very small handful of adults who showed up alone. Then came the questions, such as, When are you getting married? Lol, I told them I had no idea since I haven't even had a girlfriend yet. Then the conversations got deeper and they learned I still lived at home. They said that was unhealthy etc. I finally told them to mind their own business and assured them everything in my life was going according to plan. That didn't satisfy them, so I left and went home very early. Why do we get so much pressure from our elders and peers to do things we aren't ready for or interested in, particularly getting married? I thought these days people are more accepting of those who choose to remain single for life.
2007-09-23 16:28:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I noticed it's usually people who are married that tell me I should try dating to find the right woman etc. I have no interest in that crap at this point. I want to work and make a lot of money. Someone even spread the word that I haven't even kissed a girl yet. Ooooo, like never kissing is such a big deal. Lol, next will be rumors that I may be gay (which I certainly am not). Who needs enemies when one has family and friends?
I think they are unhappy in their lives and are jealous of me because I have freedom and a clean slate.
2007-09-23 16:28:55 · update #1
Good for you! =]
2007-09-23 16:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by Miss New Jersey =] 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, it's not "crap" to be married.
But I admire your desire to live a single life and not string a girl along just because it's the "thing to do." Don't worry about other people. They will always have things to say. I'm 27 and have 3 kids and a great husband. I stay at home and plan to homeschool my kids. I want a large family. Barefoot and pregnant is my motto. Do you think I'm well liked in my family? NO!
All I hear is "When are you going to get a real job?" "You're kids are going to grow up freaks because they aren't going to school." "You're stupid to have so many kids when you guys have such little money." 100 years ago, I would have been just like everyone else. Today, I'm considered a freak and lazy because I want to raise my children right and I love kids and my husband!
People will talk... ;)
2007-09-23 23:38:09 · answer #2 · answered by oremus_fratres 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 29 and not married although I am dating a wonderful guy, who is 32 and still lives at home. People our age are getting married later in life. One reason is because more of us are furthering our education and not entering the real world right after high school. Another reason people are waiting to marry or not marrying at all is because the divorce rate is so high and they are taking more time to get to know the person before jumping in. Also the way we are meeting people (chat rooms, online dating, etc) there are more opportunities to meet people which has probably made us all a little more selective. Older generations got married younger so to them being in your late 20s means that there is something wrong rather than times have changed and not marrying until your 30 is the norm rather than the exception.
Regarding living at home... Like I said my 32 year old boyfriend lives at home and my 29 year old unmarried twin brother also lives at home. The job market is not the best and with all the debt we are coming out of school with, living on your own can be a challenge for many people.
2007-09-23 23:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by CAITLIN 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, a little about me:
25 yo. Lived away from home for 7 years in dorms and apartments while I was in school. Moved home in December 06, graduated with Master's in May '07. Not married, not dating, have only dated 2 guys (1 in high schoo, 1 in college).
I get the same thing. Im in a situation where 1 parent says I'm welcome to stay here as long as I want and save money so I don't have a lot of bills. Says I'm a joy to have here.
The other parent says "grown folks have their own place" and makes comments about how I should move out. So you can understand how I feel.
When I see my extended relatives, sometimes they ask about being married, but until I get a job and start my career and figure out where I'm going, I can't possibly imagine being married. That would not be wise, for me. When I look at those of similar ages around me, I notice that the vast majority of them are not married. Most still not dating. I am a Christian and do not believe in random dating. If a guy is not marriage material, I don't even give him a chance. Some may say this is closed-minded, but I say it is practical.
Most older people will even tell you that you aren't ready to get married until in your late 20s or early thirties. My brother got married at 30 and is very, very successful in my opinion. He loves his wife and daughter and they are not struggling.
I know plenty of people that got married when they were 20, and 20 years later when they are 40, they've been separated a few times, a few affiars, children outside the marriage, unhappiness, lack of trust, and somtimes divorce--many times because they weren't ready to begin with when they got married but were stuck together because of the kids, investment,fear, etc.
Now, I'm not saying I want to stay here forever or not get married, but I'd much rather do so when I am ready. I don't want to marry someone that is not completely in love with me and is ready for the commitment of marriage.
So, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Forget what those other people are saying. Congrats to your cousin, and continue to follow what appears to be a well-thought out plan.
Best to you.
2007-09-23 23:43:49 · answer #4 · answered by florita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some times people put everything into being married and starting a family. I wouldn't worry. As long as you are happy and you accomplishing what you want in life, that is all that matters. Don't rush into something just because everyone is saying you should. You seem like you know what you want. Its always easier to build a future when you have just yourself to worry about. One day you will meet the right person, so don't worry what you family has to say.
2007-09-23 23:34:15 · answer #5 · answered by shaigirl559 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry urself too much everyone is different... Yes its always those who are with someone that ask the questions all the time. I was the same I didnt meet my boyfriend now husband til I was 21 he was my first everything except kiss I have kissed other guys before him.
One day you will meet that special someone... Sounds like u have more important things going on than worry about having a girlfriend.
2007-09-23 23:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by tarNZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first of all good thing that you are happy by the way you are living your life because that's the most important thing but let me tell you having a relationship is really great it adds taste to life even do sometimes it hurts in my life i had a couple of relationships some of it was great and some of it was not but definitely it made my life great it wont hurt you trying to get in a relationship and see how it goes it might change your whole life,,, Good Luck and have a nice day sir...
2007-09-23 23:40:46 · answer #7 · answered by KD 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you are coming from. I have over 40 first cousins on one side of my family. I am the eldest granddaughter and I just turned 30. I have a boyfriend of 2 years and we get asked when we are going to get engaged/married and it does get frustrating at times. Even more so recently with 2 of my younger cousins getting engaged and married. One cousin just got married last weekend...he's 26 and him and his gf were together for 10 months before getting engaged. I have another first cousin getting married in 3 weeks and she is 21 and was dating her boyfriend for 6 months before getting engaged. So my boyfriend and I got a lot of questions at the wedding we recently attended. It's never easy to be bombarded with questions like "when are you going to get engaged and married?" but we found the best way to handle it is with humor. My bf will always answer, whenever I want to propose another one of my gf's cousins get engaged and my family members laugh.
My best advice to you would be to handle it with humor and a smile.....the way your family would least expect you to handle the questions.
I know it's not easy, but be happy with yourself. Remember that it is YOUR life, and you should live it how you chose.
Take Care!
2007-09-23 23:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by Case 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your happy single and rich then good for you. Do what makes you happy not someone else. Not assuming your antisocial or anything, but it is healthy to get out and have fun with others once in a while. You may already I don't know, just throwing that out there. You don't have to commit to anyone or anything like that but at least socialize.
2007-09-23 23:37:06 · answer #9 · answered by MrAnonyMuss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 26, same boat, sort of. Want to get married, no one to marry. :*)
EVERYBODY bugs me to date. They all want to know why, and then I realize I can't explain it. I just want to have a guy friend, fall in love, and get married. Easy as pie, right?
Slow and steady wins the race, or dies before it crosses the finish line!!
Seriously though, being single on purpose is okay, they just can't see anything other than what they desired as being desirable. You clearly won't be letting them pressure you into it. Don't bother trying to explain it over and over again to them. Maybe it's better to not get married if you can stand it!
2007-09-23 23:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by saralizzy1981 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out into the real world, move out of mommy and daddy's little nest. You are such a nerd!! Go to a local strip bar and blow a few hundred dollars one night. It might make you feel better, especially after you tell her you are a virgin and have never kissed a girl. You need a lap dance while you are there!!
2007-09-23 23:36:04 · answer #11 · answered by droopydog88 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋