Should I tell my mom?

Question

I am a 17 year old female and I am sexually active. I've been having sex with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. My mom keeps accusing me of doing things I'm not supposed to be doing. But I deny them because she has no full proof that I'm doing these things. She does not want me over any boys house. However, I have been going over my boyfriends house on the weekends and sometimes during the week. I feel bad and I want to stop doing what I'm doing. However, I feel like I can't stop. I'm really feeling bad for lying to my mother. I feel guilty because I know that her suspicions are true. She knows that I am not a virgin but in the past I've told her that I would not have sex again until I was married. (Religous reasons) I know that if I told her about what I was doing, it would break her heart and she would never trust me again. But should I tell her what I've been doing? Or should I just try to do better?? I need your advice.

Answer 1

I am usually for honesty - Brutal if needed...but on this one, discretion is the better part of valor. You don't need to discuss your sex life with your mom. If it makes you feel that guilty, then re evaluate your personal situation. Don't do that to your mom though...ok?

Answer 2

This is a very difficult question to answer - it must be so hard for you at the moment, so you have my sympathies.

It's very difficult when your religious beliefs differ from your parents views. Are you happy with what you're doing? Are you secure in your relationship with your boyfriend? Is he loving? Are you happy together? Because if so, I personally don't think you should give that up just because your mum disapproves.

On the other hand, you could make a compromise - promise your mum that you won't have sex until you are 18, but explain to her that once you turn 18, you will be old enough to make up your own mind. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be, then he will understand and will be willing to wait. But this will be a harder route for you to take. And will your mum appreciate the sacrifice you are making, or will it all be in vain? At least that way you won't have to sneak around though, and you won't feel guilty.

It's not always best to tell our parents everything we do - part of getting older is learning to make your own decisions and learning to trust your own judgment. You will find that you begin to naturally drift away from your folks a little bit - it's just part of growing up, so don't worry. In a few years, when your parents don't see you as 'a baby' anymore, they will respect your decisions as an adult. It's a natural process.

Personally I think if you are being safe (always use a condom and consider going on the pill AS WELL), and you are happy with having sex, then carry on. It's not a question of 'doing better', it's a question of whether it sits well with your personal beliefs about what is wrong or right.

Answer 3

Yes, I would tell my mother. Tell her in the beginning that you love her and respect the open communication between the two of you. Then tell her that you just can't go on lying about something you are doing, and tell her what it is. Seeing how she knows you are not a virgin, she will appreciate how hard it is once you've had sex with someone to stop. Maybe she can offer some constructive advice on what you can do to curb this desire until you are married to someone. I'm a mother and I know I would appreciate my daughter talking with me about this, instead of waiting to find out she's pregnant - what a shock to her system that would be!

Answer 4

I think you need to figure out where your guilt comes from. Do you feel guilty for lying to you mom; for making a promise to her and breaking it; for making a promise to yourself and breaking it?

Why do you feel you can't stop? You can stop whatever you want. Who has the power here? If your boyfriend gets irritated because he can't understand your situation with your mom and how guilty you feel, well then he's not that understanding of a boyfriend then, is he?

Your mom has your best interest at heart, she really does. It sounds like you value your relationship with her, which is great. Now that you have had sex you know you aren't going to die if you don't have it again until you are married - the suspense is over. If you do decide to make that committment to youself again, then do it. Do it for you, not your mom.

Answer 5

I think you should try to do better first. If you can't control yourself now, it could spill over into something else in your life that you can't control. Otherwise, why share your body with someone you're not sure you will make it with? You WILL regret it later. I'm making ready for marriage now with my boyfriend, and I'm wishing I had the chance to give him the specialness of being my first. He deserves it more. I hate knowing that there are other guys out there who knows me like my boyfriend/husband would.

You're 17, almost an adult according to the law, so you don't necessarily have to tell your Mom. I think as part of growing up and being an adult, you should make this decision to do right by yourself, for yourself, not for your Mom.

Go to your God. He understands and knows you better than even your Mom.

But seriously, save yourself. Don't open yourself up to everyone you start a relationship with. I think you should wait till marriage too, but if not, at least let the relationship grow first. Let the guy show his commitment to you. Its NOT all about sex. A true guy/relationship would not start and stop at sex. He would wait and be willing to wait. I'm certainly not telling you it would be easy, but just as you would have resolve about not doing other things (like running out and killing another person, even when tempting cause they made you mad), you can have resolve about no sex til marriage, or at least later on when the relationship grows and matures more.

Answer 6

Everything you have been doing goes to prove why your mother did not want you to go over to your boyfriends house.You are 17, no longer a virgin, you sneak to see him not only on week ends but on week days too, and lying to your parents.It is good that you feel bad about your behavior and want to turn over a new leaf.So you start by telling her the truth about every thing you have been doing---the ones she knows of and the ones she does not know anything about.Admit to not been a virgin and if you did anything else like drugs and alcohol.Promise her you intend to change for the better and mean it so that you can win her trust again.Take whatever punishment she decides to give you without complaining.Then go and prove to her that you are a changed girl, one who is going to excel in school,go to church, be obedient and loving.I see you achieving greatness in the future and been glad you decided to change your life around.Good luck.

Answer 7

Developing lies and deceit is never an easy task, remember "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything" -- Mark Twain. You run the risk each time you lie of being caught in another lie. You are 17, so within 12 months or less you will be 18 a legal adult in most of the world. If your mother pisses you off or you feel you are being pressured to not do the things you want you may just take off and leave and/or do whatever you desire, I don't recommend or condone this, but I believe each human being has a choice as to what life they want to live. The right choice is different view from everyone and is often the most difficult. You are true to your religion and want your mother to trust you then you should stop having sex. If you are not so faithful and want to go wild and are horny/curious then you'll experiment. Either with this bf or the next. Note that, all males carry around the genetic blue print and code that they must produce and procreate. As many times and with as many women as possible, however not all males act on this impulse. If your boyfriend/sexual partner would take your mother's feelings into consideration and you discuss with him how you feel, he may not want to have sex with you as often and he may in fact want to wait until marriage if you feel it is something you want or need in life.

But teenagers are sexually driven by hormones and frustrated at times with a desire for an outlet. I know I use to be one.

So my advice to you is this, making your own choice is never easy, be honest with those around you, be honest with your family, be honest with your boyfriend. But most importantly be honest with your self. If you feel guilty release it otherwise it will be a stone around your neck constantly weighing you down. You'll hurt your mother but she is your mother, she'll forgive you and someday understand. It is considered morally wrong to lie and be deceitful, but we all make our own beds and have to sleep in them. So if you feel comfortable with being dishonest try harder, age quod agis, "do what you're doing". If its becoming too much because of your faith and your mothers feelings then stop and stick to it. ^_^ good luck to you.

Answer 8

Of course if you tell your mom, it will break her heart that you've lied to her. Trust will be lost, but don't be discourage, it can be gained back. But more importantly, are you using some type of birth control every time you have sex? Besides getting pregnant, there are STD/STI's out there that you can catch and some of them are not curable. It sounds to me that you really are not ready to deal with the emotional side that comes with having sex since you are having second thoughts about doing it. You may need to chill out with that and get your mind, body, and definitely your soul together. And if that guy (or any guy for that matter) has a problem with you doing that, you need to kick his butt to the curb asap!

Answer 9

Personally as a mother I would say to come clean. I kept the same thing from my mom when I was younger but I felt so much better after I told her. Now we have a great relationship and can talk about anything. She probably will be hurt in the beginning but then she might be happier knowing that you trust in her enough to confide everything in your life.

Answer 10

#1.....
The more your Mom tells you not to do something, you are gonna do it!

#2...
Your Mom needs to get with the program, INCLUDING ALL OTHER MOMS READING THIS. Kids nowadays start having sex around 12-13 years old, HELLO! There is definately lots of ORAL going on to. So if they are in denial about their kids doing this kinda stuff...they must not get out or watch the news.

If your mom is really strict, don't tell her. If she is opened minded, she might not be so hard on you. Just protect yourself so that you don't end up KNOCK'D UP, then have to have a SHOT-GUN WEDDING. Don't wanna be one of those girls that marry really young and regret it for the rest of their life. Bitching about...why did I not take care of myself, why did I rush, why did I marry the guy I was not in love with, blah blah blah....! JUST REMEMBER, YOU MAKE A STUPID CHOICE...YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCE. You have a baby now, BYE BYE 20'S! No fun for you, that's all I know, cause you'll be changing diapers.

Answer 11

Nobody knows your mom better than you, you know or have an idea of what she is going to do or say when or if you tell her so its a decision you have to make think about it and you'll know what to do. As far as having sex you are young and still have alot of things to do with your life be smart and use protection. Good luck in whatever you decide.