adopting a different race...serious question from future adopter?

Question

hubby and i would like to adopt in the near future. most likely, we will adopt a school age child from the foster system. i'm an inner city school teacher and a lot of my children are a part of the foster system or have been adopted, so i am aware of possible behavioral problems.

my question is: we would like to adopt one or two african american children (possibly siblings), and i know we can give them plenty of love and offer them a future that they may not have the chance to have in foster care. my hubby and i are caucasian, and sometimes we wonder how our children will feel being raised by parents who are not the same race as they are (since we will even consider adopting up to the teenage years).

any thoughts? i'm looking for serious responses. are you a child who was adopted by parents of a different race? how do you feel about it?

p.s. as a parent, i would do everything in my power to make sure my children learn about and experience people of all races.

Answer 1

The foster care system actually offers and requires you to take classes on this very subject.

A child can be loved by a parent no matter the race, and feel secure in that love.

You raise a child of a different color the same as you would any other child, especially one of your body. You dont want to take away take away that child's pride in their heritage- but you do also want them to have a sense of pride in their own family.

Teenagers hate their parents, its part of growing up, and they will use any ammunition possible to hurt you for the sake of expressing themselves. You can bet a child with a different skin color will be sure to throw that into the mix, and try to make you second guess yourself and your motives, the hard part is remaining the parent, and the adult, and loving them, even when they think its hate.

But yea, the system offers classes on this subject.

Answer 2

I think that is a wonderful thing to do! Since you are interested in adopting older children, you could talk with the social workers of children you are interested in adopting to find a child that would be comfortable with being placed with a caucasian family. I know that my foster daughters have expressed some things that they would like in an adoptive family and thier caseworker plans to take these things into consideration when selecting a family. Also, my foster daughters are bi-racail, and it hasn't really been an issue with us. They feel comfortable with us and our family and neighbors have been very accepting, no problems. FYI, the girls are old enough to realize that they look different from my husband and I and they aren't bothered by it. However, some children may prefer to be with a family of the same race. It is just a matter of finding the right child or children for your family and if race isn't an issue for you or the children, it doesn't matter what others think.

Answer 3

There are a lot of books on the subject - just do a search on Amazon for Transracial adoption. And as the above poster said, courses are available and probably mandatory from the social care system.

My personal opinion (my husband and I are currently going through the public system to adopt a child from foster care) is you really have to make an effort to surround your child (children) with a support system of people of the same race, people they can talk to about race issues. You should also embrace the culture, foods and holidays of the child. It is easy for the child to feel like an outsider in both your race and theirs is there is a disconnect.

You sound like an intelligent giving person and I am sure you will do the right thing by your future children. :-)

Answer 4

I work in the foster care system and I think that it is a wonderful thing you are doing. I especially like your last line stating that "as a parent, i would do everything in my power to make sure my children learn about and experience people of all races." I think that's especially important if you are adopting outside of your race.
A foster family of mine recently adopted a baby outside of their race and they have already bought books and dolls etc to bring in "where she came from" in her life. I think it's great.

Especially since you want to adopt older (and not a lot of people do) you will be giving...not only the chance to have siblings stay together in one home...but the chance to be adopted instead of just going from foster home to shelter to independent living, without ever having a chance to call a place their "home"
In the field that I am in...i see this every day and it breaks my heart.


Top 10 Reasons to Adopt a Teenager!
1. We can program your cell phones and VCR’s and we can teach you how to run your computer!

2. We sleep through the night…even if grown-ups don’t.

3. We will be ready to move out sooner…but we can still visit.

4. No formula, diapers or bottles required.

5. We can pick up after ourselves and do our own laundry.

6. We will keep you up-to-date with the latest fashions and trends.

7. You get to dress us up for the prom.

8. We can show you new dance moves.

9. We will teach you how to be more patient, understanding, kind, and empathetic.

10. We all need someone with whom to share our life, dreams, acheivements, and holidays.



Good Luck!

Answer 5

I commend you,and wish you the best in your new endeavors .
I am African American,and I say,it is better for a child to have a home than linger in the foster care system. In your situation,I feel you stand out,as you have dealt with children,coming from the foster care system,and also from the inner city. Some child is going to be fortunate to be able to call you a parent. You sound like you have learned a lot already,via your teaching profession,about the issues you may face.
As far as how the children will feel,I think since you are going to adopt older children,than you certainly will be able to bring up any topic with the child,and a social worker.

Answer 6

Hi Annie - the world needs more people like you.

I have Caucasian friends who adopted a very dark Palestinian baby at infancy, then had two children of their own. Since they lived abroad and the children went to International Schools it wasn't a big issue. However, when they returned home to the U.S. their oldest had trouble fitting in at school. She didn't feel accepted by either the African American children or the Caucasian children. They ended up going abroad again.

She is about to go off to college now and I think that all in all things have turned out fine. The parents had to deal with some nasty remarks when she was a baby, but it was much more unusual 20 years ago then now.

Answer 7

Hi there, I'm sooo glad that you want to adopt!! I'm adopted and I live in an all Caucasian family and I'm Hispanic. I'm the only Hispanic and to tell you the truth I sometimes don't like it. I have always felt out of place. It would be great for you to adopt siblings. I always wanted another Hispanic brother or sister so I wouldn't be the only one. I think any child who is adopted into a different race family, is going to have, as my parents call it, "identify problems," not knowing where they belong. I know that my family loves me for who I am. They don't care that I am darker. Good luck on your adoption!!! Remember that you are changing a child's life!!!

Answer 8

I am an adoptived Korean raised in a caucasian family. I think what your planning on doing is great. Just a couple of tidbits.

I would suggest understanding, your child's culture, and experiencing there food.

Also I would get prepared to explain to them why there phyical appearance is so different from yours. That was a major thing for me to understand and grasp being raised in the midwest! :(

Understand that racism is going to every where (even if you live in a big city) and you'll stand out like a soar thumb where ever you go with your children!

Answer 9

Just the fact that you're considering this question makes me comfortable with your (possible future) decision to adopt an A-A child. These children are unwanted..few people of any race actually desire to adopt Black children (as I'm sure you know). Please give them the love they probably will not get anywhere else. A-A role models are important, educating them about their heritage and connecting them to positive A-As will be key to their being able to adjust .....also your willingness to let them express their ethnicity willl also become important to their self image and development. Let them feel free to ask questions and never be afraid to say "I don't know. Let's find out together" ---things will come up but you can handle it. God Bless you and your family

Answer 10

One of the most important things is to talk to the child(or children) that you want to adopt, to make sure that they actually want to be adopted by you. I'm sure that if they don't want to be adopted by someone that isn't of their race, they would let you know.

I commend you for being able to step outside of racial lines to adopt, and also for wanting your children to learn about and experience different races.