I have a question regarding really proper shower etiquette.
We've already decided that the wedding will be small, i.e. meaning, parents and grandparents only, no aunt, uncles, cousins, etcetera.
I'd like to still have a shower, not to get gifts, I already have a silver set and all the dishes I could ever want, but just to party with my friends, female family, and I won't lie, maybe get some lingerie for the wedding night. All the showers I've been to, no house gifts, just lingerie stuff.
Is it appropriate to have a shower if you're technically not having a wedding? I'm not asking for wedding presents or money from anyone.
Please do not respond with what is considered appropriate for today. My family is weird about all those old proper etiquette rules. So if anyone knows the Emily Post, Ann Landers kinda response for this, I'd really appreciate it!
P.S. There's no bachelor / bachelorette parties, btw.
2007-09-23 13:39:52 · 13 answers · asked by sephienie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Okay, the traditional answer is . . .
Only those guests invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. Sorry, but that is the traditional etiquette.
Also, brides (or their moms) do not host the showers. Huge etiquette no-no.
But if your friends decide to host a party for you . . . while knowing they will not be invited to a wedding . . . then that is okay. But you cannot provide them with a suggested guest list full of guests that are not invited to the wedding.
My suggestion would be either
1. Leave any pre-wedding parties totally up to friends.
or
2. Have a BBQ or informal party for all upon returning from your honeymoon.
2007-09-23 13:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to throw your sister a party then you should do so. But don't make it a shower, because it's such bad form to invite people to a shower who will not be invited to a wedding. A reception celebrating the wedding is great though. I have no idea and can't tell you why a party called a reception is socially okay after the wedding and a shower before the wedding is not when nobody will be going to the wedding in either case. How silly when you think of it! Maybe make it totally different and your own by calling it a Wedding Party or a Wedding Send off party. Good Luck and Congratulations on the new addition to your family!
2016-05-17 06:56:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old fashioned etiquette says - if the person is not invited to the wedding then they are not invited to a shower.
It would be considered extremely bad manners to have a shower with the female family members but not invite them to the wedding. To do so would come across as simply an attempt to get gifts from people you don't care enough about to invite to the really important event.
After the wedding you may send out, to the extended family and any friends who weren't at the wedding, (via snail mail - NOT e-mail) an announcement of your wedding with a photo of you and your new husband. You may recieve some gifts after that - but don't expect much more than a congratulations card.
You should probably just get yourself a Victoria Secret's catalog and buy yourself some lingerie - or suggest to your fiance that some lingerie would make a great gift from him!
Good luck!
2007-09-23 14:26:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could have a sort of Engagement party. Just send invites to the people you want there and say that while gifts are appreciated they are not necessary. I had a lingerie party with my friends but I don't know if this would be possible with the small wedding. Hope this might help some! You can also look at my writing on Associated Content about wedding etiquette and much more.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/15424/krystal_perkins.html
2007-09-24 07:22:22 · answer #4 · answered by Krystal P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Well, here is my "Ann Landers" response and I know this is correct etiquette.
Only those that are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.....and vice versa......if you are invited to a wedding shower, YOU MUST also be invited to the wedding.
That's the long and short of it. And, technically, YES, you ARE having a wedding. A wedding is a wedding...it doesn't matter how many people are there as long as there is a bride, groom, wedding officiant -- it's a wedding.
Now, if your family and/or friends want to throw you a bachelorette party, knowing that they are not invited to the wedding, then Ann Landers would say "that's fine....let them."
Sorry....but that's the way it is. Good luck!
2007-09-23 14:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The express purpose of a shower is to give gifts. It is absolutely against proper etiquette to invite anyone to a shower who is not also invited to the wedding. So, if you are having a wedding with just 8 to 10 guests, that's all that can be invited to a shower.
You should forget the idea of a shower (you don't arrange one for yourself, anyway: friends do). If one of your friends or family members watns to invite "the girls" to a celebratory luncheon, you could maybe get away with that, but even that's not really proper etiquette. Buy your own lingerie.
2007-09-24 02:34:34 · answer #6 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day & age, basically anything goes. You can still have a shower, but just simply call it a 'get-together' or 'luncheon'. But also keep in mind that the same family/relatives will also be at your very small ceremony too. So maybe just have one gossipy relative jsut spread the word to the others that you would love some lingerie, but no real monetary gifts or actual presents.
Good luck!
2007-09-23 13:50:13 · answer #7 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can host a small reception after your wedding with your family and friends who couldn't come to the ceremony. Meaning that you purchase the food and drinks, and make absolutely no mention of gifts.
But DON'T call it a shower. It's always been horribly rude to throw yourself a shower, and it's also rude to expect gifts from people (especially if they weren't invited to the wedding).
2007-09-23 15:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At most parties (birthdays, wedding receptions, promotions, etc) it would be rude to even anticipate gifts, much less to expect them and direct your guests as to what sort of gift to bring. Showers are an exciting exception, a special party for the purpose of showering someone with whatever sort of gifts the hosts request.
A shower is not properly given for oneself or even for a member of ones own family. It's OK to "shake down" people to enrich other families, but not for the purpose of enriching your own. However, it's not unusual for the guest of honor's relatives to "help" the hosts by providing food, decorations, postage, and other supplies.
The size of the wedding isn't relevant.
2007-09-23 14:31:10 · answer #9 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say "not technically having a wedding". If you are getting married, it's a wedding! Even if you only have the two witnesses and someone to marry you, IT'S A WEDDING! However, I understand your hesitation. Why not ignore the "wedding shower" title and call it your "pre-wedding party"? Send out inivites that you can write the title on the front yourself, and on the inside of each, clearly write, "The only present I want from you, is your 'presence' at my party!" I think you are terrific for wanting to share this with your friends. Why not let them know it?
2007-09-23 13:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by shire_maid 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋