I think my mum's having an affair..help!?

Question

..she's 36 and a single mom to me and my younger sister ..She actually told me this.. "theres this guy ,hes about my height and really muscelly..he asked me to have an affair"
Its a bit disturbing to me ,as im 14
It kind of sounds like she's becoming a tart..i dunno
Im really confused

PS:: WE ARE CHRISTIANS! and attend church

Please help
thankx

Answer 1

"An affair" suggests that he is married. At 14, you are old enough to discuss this with her like an adult. I would not, however, say you feel she is "becoming a tart". Instead, you might consider approaching it from this angle, "Mom, I'm concerned about you getting into something that will leave you feeling used and hurt."
Christian or not, honey, your mother is still a young woman, with perfectly normal needs and desires, not just for sex, but for companionship as well. We do not cease being women when we become mothers. So try to cut your mother a little slack, okay?

Answer 2

Perhaps your mother was a bit premature by telling you this information. One one hand, it's good that she shares with you, but on the other, this is her personal business and you should not have to deal with this. Being a Christian does not mean that people don't make mistakes. She is still forgiven. I don't think that you can say or do much of anything. She is an adult. Just watch and pray. If she brings this person home, and you don't feel safe, you might want to ensure that you and your sister are not around.

Answer 3

I don't see anything wrong execpt you Mom just used a bad choice of words. To have an affair your mom would be currently married or in a committed relationship and be seeing someone behind the others back.

From what you said I think she just ment she found a man she has feelings for and was being polite and letting you know.

Answer 4

I think this would be disturbing to any child in a single parent situation, espesially if you do go to church and know right from wrong.I think in this situation the best thing you could do is pray that God leads her away from anything that is not His will, and that He will help her with strength to resist temptation,because as an adult (single) is very hard and lonely, I know how much it hurts to watch things like this happen to your loved one, but prayer really is powerful.Maybe another thing you can do is speak to your mom about how you feel,just be careful not to judge or condemn her,she is human,just pray for wisdom before you approach her and above all respect her,she is your mom and she needs your support as well as your prayers.

Answer 5

Hmm. Well, just because he ASKED her, doesn't mean she said yes, y'know? She may have just been flattered -- at 36, as a single mom, she probably doesn't have too many opportunities to be flirted with and flattered.

I'm on your side, though -- your mom was a little out of line to discuss this kind of thing with you at your age. You're too young to understand the subtleties of adult relationships -- everything is black and white at your age. That's not a bad thing at your age, because it helps you to tell the difference between right and wrong, but it also means that you shouldn't be quite in such a hurry to judge your mom. "Judge not . . ", etc., is also a Christian response.

I would encourage you to talk to your mom and tell her that you're confused about what she said and to help you understand what's going on, because you've been taught in church that it's wrong to have sex if you aren't married, and yet, your mother whom you respect and love, seems to be ok with it.

Answer 6

OMG! First and foremost your mom should not be telling you about her adult life. You are 14 you need to be worried about school and ball games. Secondly if she does see this man she is an adult and it is NON of your business. Stay out of it.

Secondly, if you are Christians you know that if this person is married it is a sin but you can not chastize your mother. She is a grown woman and she will have to answer to God for what she does. Stay out of the adult stuff and worry about being 14.

Answer 7

Well, first off, since your mom is the one that brought it up, I would just flat out tell her that it is just not the person that is married that is wrong, but also the person they're cheating with that is also in the wrong (unless they dont know, but obviously she does). I would advise her against in, and if she continues to go ahead with it, I would personally try to contact the wife of the person they are cheating on. I would definetly want to know! I think she has a right to know, and since you're the one with the knowledge I'd let her know if you can find a way to contact her.

Answer 8

You should discuss this with your mom. Tell her that you do not appreciate her telling you about her sex life as you find this disturbing as you are only 14 years old and would rather her set an example for you and your little sister. She may be an adult, but you are her child and she needs to understand the fact that you find this wrong as you are taught differently in church about having sex outside of marriage.

Answer 9

There are some things you have no control over...one being who your mom chooses to keep company with,

And you said.."he asked her to have an affair"..no mentioned that she actually agreed to it or not.

Please try hard not to judge your mom right away, and assume only the worst.

You have no idea what is going on in the man's life...and there are many things you have no idea that is going on in your mom's life.

Maybe she thought you were mature enough to understand what she is going thru. Who know's..but, I will say..that is not something i would discuss with my child, unless i was getting serious with him.

It is perectly alright for you to say to her.."mom, i really would rather not hear about your love life..it makes me uncomfortble"

Hopefully, she understands and respects that, or even better discuss with you your concerns,

But, please..try not to stress about what your mom is doing. She is a big girl. let her make her mistakes..(if they are mistakes)..and focus on your own self being able to accept your mom is dating.

Answer 10

your mom needs the company of a man. it's not bad, it's what God intended. she is seeing 1 man. not many men. she obvoiusly raised you well, because you seem like a smart, caring kid. but let her have her time with someone that SHE can be with. it does not mean they are doing bad things. listen, she has you and i am sure that she loves you. but she is a grown up lady, and needs a man her age. it's like you not being able to talk to boys your age. and she is being honest with you. she is not married so she is doing nothing wrong. your mom needs to know that you are okay with it. if you say no then she will probably stop seeing him, but remember, she will be lonely. and loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be. you don't wwant that for your mom.