One time, after my first wife died of leukemia, I talked to God every day non-stop for a couple of years. I had many things to say to Him. None of which were very kind, but occasionally spattered with "Why?". I was in a constant state of prayer, and despair. Now, time has eroded the sharp memories I have of her, but the grief and anger will never end because the best friend I ever had was taken from me. I will never make love with her on top of Stone Mountain again, or hear her asking me to stop making her laugh. God, she had a laugh, the angels applauded when they heard her little giggle. Her name was Donna. I used to sing the Ritchie Valens song all day long, to her, and to anyone who would listen. But, God, in his infinite wisdom, chose to remove her from this earth. Sometimes, I feel guilty if I feel good, or see something like a sunrise, or the little geckos on the stone wall out back doing their morning pushups. She should be here to see these things, not me. Question?: why god?
2007-09-23 12:11:19 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The best advice I had about how to handle losing a loved one came from a friend before my husband died of cancer in 2002...
Don't try to suppress your grief. You NEED to experience the pain inside you before you can ever find the path to the rest of your life.
When Garry died, I went into shock. It surprised me, because we'd known about the cancer for nearly a year and had gotten him aggressively treated by the best means available anywhere. But there are things you have no conscious control over. So there was shock.
Then there was post-traumatic stress. I had been his primary care-giver. I suppressed much so that he didn't worry about me and could direct all his strength toward getting better. After the shock had passed, I started having flashbacks -- like a soldier must -- seeing the ugliest parts of that year in my mind. There was no control of the tears. They simply began to flow.
I sat in church one day, hearing a sermon about the healing power of God. He read Psalm 41:3 [" 3 Jehovah himself will sustain him upon a divan of illness; All his bed you will certainly change during his sickness."] That sent me back to the ladies' lounge, collapsed in a chair. I felt as if all the outer skin on my body had been peeled back and I was sitting there bleeding from every pore.
Garry had wanted to live forever and never die. Our religion constantly taught that Armageddon was "just around the corner," and those "approved" who lived through it would never have to die.
Garry and I had a great love like happens to only a few people and we wanted to live together forever. In the last few weeks of his cancer, which had gone into remission for a little while and then returned with a vengeance, he said to me: "I'm going to die before you." What that meant to him -- to us -- was that we wouldn't be together forever as husband and wife. Our religion teaches that death ends the marriage. Blurrily, they describe loved ones being reunited in the resurrection, even showing pictures of children running to Grandma and Grandpa, as if they're a couple, but ... well... it's unclear. What could I say to him? He was dying. I was so, so , so sorry. I was doing all I humanly could. Nothing was going to save his life.
We prayed for strength and endurance. Mercifully soon, he simply went to sleep.
Was I angry with God? No. I had a religious paradigm that said Garry was "sleeping in death, awaiting the resurrection." His pain was gone. And I had to go on.
I had friends and family who looked in on me. I made myself get out and find things to keep me busy and keep me around people.
Six months later, I quit the religion that had given me that paradigm. Actually, because I had been advised not to make any big decisions for at least a year after the death of a spouse, I spent a lot of time researching the reasons why I ultimately decided that I just had to quit.
What that decision did for me was make me start from scratch.
I had had a very close, constant, personal relationship with my God. I continued to trust Him over the religion that seemed to have betrayed Him. As I began to research the Bible and all religion from the basis of having thrown out everything I had learned from that former religion, I got a lot of perspective.
The best perspective of all was understanding that I don't have to "know" everything to be able to be happy and function in my life. I have the power to use my mind, rather than give away my conscience to others who claim to speak for God.
You will never forget Donna as I will never forget Garry. His imprint is so real, he is always beside me. So is she for you.
Crazy gods have nothing to do with it. No matter how you move on, she will still share your best moments. You can still talk to her. If you love again, she will understand you and support you.
Crazy" gods are made by people. Rise above them and be "free.
Namaste' 8-track. What is holy in me salutes what is holy in you.
Suzanne
Edit: Sorry this turned into like a major recent life story... but I don't know what to leave out. -s
2007-09-23 21:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by Suzanne 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The deities have everything within their plan.. Or so others would have you believe.
I am sorry for your loss, truely. But there is nothing in it that points toward the gods causing, or allowing it to happen. We have no way of knowing if they can physically interfere or not.
Having a loved one taken is tough, and it is even tougher to understand that it is just another part of life. We are born of nature and thus we must go back to nature when our time is up.
Personally, when things are out of my control (i hate not being in control of things i should be able to change), i like to understand that lady Fate is doing it. She may have reasons, she may not.. But knowing that there is nothing anybody can do, removes a burden of guilt.
In time, as you say, your sharp pains lift, but they will never be truely gone, just try to remember the joy she brought you. As long as you hold onto that, she will always be with you.
That said, try to realise that whatever religion the two of you belong to, she will be in her respective heaven, be it the Christian heaven, the Pagan Summerlands, etc, etc. She will be waiting once your time is up.
2007-09-23 12:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by Xzar 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having been in spirituality for such a long time, I've seen a lot and I know someone who has either seen or experienced most of what you have mentioned. I have one friend who did the whole near-death experience when she attempted suicide many years ago... got to see the whole "Jesus and God" show, God chided her for being so presumptuous as to take a life he put on Earth, and she got to meet her spirit guides, and even a designated walk-in should she decide that she didn't want to go back to her physical body. Angels are part of my every-day reality. Having been in paranormal investigations, I have run into ghosts and demonic entities, as well as trans-dimensional aliens. All pretty interesting.
2016-04-05 22:10:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so difficult to respond to.
I am so sorry for your loss. What is wonderful about your story, though, is that you so clearly appreciated the blessing that she was to you while you had her. Nothing on earth can be counted on to be eternal, (sorry to be so cliche, but it fits here). What does live on is the energy that the two of you managed to create and manifest in the time that you had together here. So much so, in fact, that it's managed to touch everyone who's responded to this post tonight, and probably more who've read it but not responded. The beauty of what you've experienced will now live on in all of these people as well. That part of her remains, as well as others, I'm sure.
Remember how blessed you are to have experienced such a great love.
2007-09-23 23:23:54 · answer #4 · answered by since you asked 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust that she is with you even now and that you must still have a special job to do. It's so good that you loved such a wonderful person so deeply. I have the most wonderful husband in the world, and am terrified of something happening to him. There's a quote from the movie "Cold Mountain" that gives me comfort where the widower father tells his daughter that even though his time married to her mother was short it was enough to fill a lifetime. You can go on, and God is with you. There must be something He wants to work in you with this...not like a punishment, but the way He wants you to grow.
2007-09-23 12:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my experience there are never answers only more questions. After experiencing death on way to many occassions I have found that in time, and this can take anywhere from 6 months to a lifetime, the pain eases and the memories return and you can once again see their face, hear their voice and smell their smell.
Hugs and blessings to you my friend.
May your pain ease quickly and swiftly and let nothing but happy memories fill your heart.
(((hugs)))
2007-09-23 12:26:42 · answer #6 · answered by Cerridwen G 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My dear friend,
I am so sorry to hear about your first wife. There is no god, just nature, and nature has no concept of fairness. It is harch, and nobody gets through life without some sorrow. Some have it worse than others. They say it is not what happens to us, but what we do with what happens to us.
What you are doing is grieving anew. It has been some time, but the loss feels fresh sometimes, yes? Like now?
If you need to grieve, then grieve. Remember, you won't always feel happy, and you definitely will not always feel sad.
Email me when you feel like it, please!
Lady Morgana
2007-09-23 13:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Morgana 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Part of living is accepting death. We never know when or how and that is why we must cherish every moment. You have some wonderful memories of your wife to hold her with you always. If she loved you as much as you obviously loved her, she would want you to be happy. If the tables were turned, wouldn't you want the same for her? Be happy ,my friend, that will be the best legacy she left you.
2007-09-23 13:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by NRPeace 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Everything that crosses my mind to tell you sounds meaningless in the face of your mind numbing pain. The only thoughts of comfort that I can possibly give you is that she is there with you seeing what you see, hearing what you hear and surrounding you with all the love that she feels from you. I know that you can feel her but are distrusting those feelings thinking that they can't be real. Let that distrust go and let yourself connect to her on every level you can. Love never dies hon.......we always feel it even if the source isn't in the same place we are. See and hear all the joy that life has to offer and she sees and hears it too. She wants you to be happy hon.... and live life to the fullest. Soul mates are like that, they are a part of us forever...
2007-09-23 12:45:42 · answer #9 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Aww, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about your wife. Any woman would be lucky to find someone who loves her so much that he speaks of her the way you speak of your wife.
I don't think the gods are crazy... I think they are simply not real. I had to find peace with that, because I lost someone very close to me as well. I think you will find your peace, too... no matter what your beliefs are now or in the future.
2007-09-23 12:20:22 · answer #10 · answered by Snark 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋