My 12 yr old son has just made a new friend. I just found out that his friend's father is the token gay guy in our small town. He used to have a boyfriend that lived with him for a very long time, but from what i am told they broke up. At first the boy lied to my son and told him that his mother traveled a lot for work and was not home very much. Then he admitted to my son after i let him go over there once to play for the afternoon that his father was gay etc. I have already said that he is not sleeping over, but i am not sure how to handle this situation. I don't want the influence of being around a gay male and potentially gay boy to make my son think it's cool to be gay. So far he really likes girls, but i am worried if this friendship builds too much that he might sway the other way. I don't believe that people are born gay or lesbian, they choose to be that way for whatever reason. I have friends that are gay so i am not saying they are bad or anything, but with my son...
2007-09-23 11:47:18 · 17 answers · asked by ~Angel Eyed Pookie~ 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Call me what you want, but unless you have children pre-teen or not you would not know what it is like being concerned about your son or daughter being influenced by someone to be gay or lesbian. Narrow minded would be someone who hated people that were gay or lesbian. Would you allow your child to hang out with someone who was a druggy? I would hope not. They would influence your child and could possibly become a druggy as well. It's the same thing. God created us to be Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. So if looking out for my son's best interest and well being is narrow minded then narrow minded i must be.
2007-09-23 12:00:19 · update #1
I said influence not concern of him being molested geesh.
2007-09-23 12:08:41 · update #2
Just because this kid's dad is gay doesn't mean he's also gay. Don't punish your son and his friend just because you don't agree with the lifestyle of this kid's father. You don't just wake up one day and say "You know what, I think I'm going to be gay now." He's either going to like girls or not and there's nothing you can do about that. Don't be so closed-minded. Also, when did you choose to be straight? I mean I'm straight but I never made the decision to be that way, I just knew I was attracted to guys and that was the end of it. So do you think everyone's born straight then? Because if you do, that just doesn't make any sense. Why can people be born one (straight) way but not the other (gay)? You can't have it both ways. You either choose or you don't.
~~EDIT~~
I may not have children yet, but I honestly don't believe I would be so concerned about my child being gay or lesbian. Would I prefer that they weren't? Probably just so they wouldn't have to deal with all the harsh criticism and hate against the gay community. But I'm not going to waste my time worrying about whether the person that makes my child happy is of the opposite sex or not. You can't help who you love and you can't help who you're attracted to. And I can't believe you actually used the "It's supposed to be Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" argument. I also cannot believe you had the nerve to equate being gay with being a drug addict.
The only thing you're teaching your son by acting this way is how to be prejudiced against those who are different in some way. You put a little disclaimer in saying that you have gay friends so you don't really have anything against them, but that isn't very convincing considering the rest of your question. You don't tend to see groups of homosexuals trying to pursuade young children to be gay, do you? It's not like they're recruiting members.
2007-09-23 12:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by Two quarters & a heart down 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Nobody knows exactly how they would handle a situation until they are faced with it, we can only guess what we may do. I hope if I was faced with this I would handle it with respect and open-mindedness. I don’t believe that being around a gay man would turn my son gay or that a gay man would be a bad influence because of what he does in his bedroom, plenty of people do things we are unaware of in the privacy of their homes that we would not necessarily agree with if we knew. Base your opinion of this man based on what kind of person he is rather than what he is. Watch the type of father he is, how he acts with his child and go from there. If you are not comfortable with your son at their house then ask the boy to come to your house or just let your son go over and play for an hour while you do an errand. I never allow either of my children to play at someones house without knowing and speaking to them first and even then I will only drop them off for an hour or so the first few times. You never know what will happen at another persons home, gay, straight, divorced or married - its all a gamble.
All you really can do is teach your child the way you feel is right and hope they also agree with you, if you make a huge deal of this it will only make him more interested in why he cant go, or be fearful of someone he may not need to fear.
This man could be a good influence on your son, you just never know. Teaching your son to dislike some one because he is gay is the same as teaching them to dislike someone because of their skin color or religion, teach your children to like or dislike a person because of their actions and you and your children will be very happy.
Good luck to you, stuff like this is difficult.
2007-09-24 12:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like this little boy with the gay Dad really needs some friends. Imagine, having to lie, and pretend to have a Mom!
Are the folks in your town so cruel as to ostracize a kid for having a gay parent?
You don't need to worry about a friendship between your son and this other boy, not based on what you have said here.
Be a bigger and better person than some in your town.
Your son will be fine, and the other boy will be thankful for your son's companionship.
And you can lead the way as a good example to the narrow-minded folks around you.
2007-09-23 19:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"He who walks with the wise shall grow wise: but a companion of fools suffer much harm ( Proverbs13:20 ). We are commanded by God to love not the world, neither the things that are in the world ( 1 John 2 ). What is the "world?" Whatever is against God's righteous standards. For those that say you do not have a right to judge character are not reading the same Bible I know. The one and only reason Jesus would hang out with a homosexual or any other sinner would be to confront their sin and lead them in the way of righteousness, to set before them life and death. We are to do no less. I personally would talk to my son and explain to Him that it is far more important to do what God says, to care what God thinks than to listen to other people. I'd get my Bible and say, " Let's look together what the Lord says." All I can say is do not buckle under pressure from man because it is God who you will have to give an answer to...God bless!
2007-09-23 19:39:12 · answer #4 · answered by HeVn Bd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While it will not be easy, try to teach your son the difference between hating the sinner and hating the sin. We, as Christians, are called to love all people, not just those like us. Let the children be friends. From what you have said, it sounds like the boy is quite upset by the father's choice of sexuality as well. I am sure he enjoys the time in your home.
Talk to your son openly about the sinful way of this lifestyle, on a level he will understand and be comfortable with. Explain how important it is for him to a friend, and in the right way, speak the gospel to this boy. NOT in a way to offend him and make him disrespect or go against his father. Again, always love.
I will be in prayer for you and the situation. It is not an easy one for sure.
In His Love,
Sue
2007-09-23 19:17:32 · answer #5 · answered by lovinghelpertojoe 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am a Christian who was formerly gay. I can tell you that you're on the right track. But, I don't think you have to worry about your son, usually men who are gay and have been married and/or have children of their own, especially a male your son's age, wouldn't go there, for two reasons. 1) They are usually much more mature and don't go for kids, 2) He would really be concerned about losing his son and/or turned off with that association that his son has with yours. I remember, when I was gay, always saying that I couldn't even consider anyone who doesn't have a high school education, let alone associate this possibility as if I was with my nephews. Yuk!
If your son likes spending time with his son, do invite his son over much of the time, and could you invite his father too for dinner sometime soon? I'm more concerned about his son, than yours, to tell you the truth, since he sounds like he's living with a real heavy burden of shame. Research tells us that kids growing up with gay parents usually do better than single parent homes, but are known to be more sexually insecure and confused somewhat about their gender social roles and possibility even their sexual identity, as you have inferred.
My suggestion is to get your husband, or a close male friend or relative, to spend time with both of them by taking them out to do guy things alot. This will help both your son and his son, but more his for sure. And, please consider inviting over his father for dinner sometime, and getting to know him as an individual, because gay men are usually lonely, sensitive, and very relational, but they feel like fish out of water in any family oriented neighborhood. And, it's your family, which is separated unto the Lord, that will have much more impact, than vice versa, since it's the light that is indeed stronger and overcomes the darkness, and is of course much more attractive to both your son and his. So let your light shine, by getting to know him. OK? You won't have to be concerned about where your loving parental imagination is taking you. You already know what precautions to take. I see you're good at that. However, it's when you don't get to know your son's dad that there's actually a better chance of what you fear occurring, since rapport and mutual respect won't be a safeguard.
2007-09-23 22:56:41 · answer #6 · answered by Tom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gay don't generally recruit people dearheart. If your son likes girls then hanging around with a boy who's dad is Gay is not going to rub off on him or make him gay. And as others have said, just because dad is gay does not mean the son is gay. I would meet this family and talk with them, get to know them before makeing any judgments. And you may just find that most Gays are just like the rest of us...they just have a different sexual preference.
2007-09-23 19:34:38 · answer #7 · answered by Zaden W 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A gay man is not going to make your son gay.
Gay men aren't all molesters.
Your son will probably think it is gross to be gay, if he knows about sex at all, otherwise he might just accept that the gay guy is just a gay guy. Do you think that heterosexual parents are going to talk about how cool their sex is when your son goes to their house?! I don't think gay guys do that either!
But, it was wrong for the kid to lie to your son about it, because then you let him go visit based upon a false pretense.
I wouldn't worry about it so much. Is the guy a good dad? Is the neighborhood and home safe?
But if you really are worried, then you can make arrangements for the boys to do things away from home, until you know the father better.
2007-09-23 19:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
A potentially gay boy? Has anything occurred, other than this child's father being gay, that leads you to believe that he is, or will grow up to be, a homosexual? Technically, anyone that your child comes in contact with or becomes friends with could be "potentially gay".
If you teach your son to be true to himself, and to be strong and independent, he won't be easily swayed by other people.
2007-09-23 19:00:00 · answer #9 · answered by ◦Delylah◦ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you think that its a choice to be gay, why dont you invite the boy and his father to your home. So you can have an impact on them both. Talk to them, find out about their lives. If your son and this boy are friends and you try and take away his friend, he will hate you for a long time.
2007-09-23 19:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by Kara C 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋