My parents are ruining my life!?

Question

Im 23 and for a while now Ive been thinking that its time I moved out of the family home - I have lots of friends who rent or flatshare and a few of us have talked about moving in together... Only trouble is my parents - tonight my mom was complaining about my sister (whose 28) saying that her boyfriend wasn't good enough for her, that she thought she would have settled down by now, that she wants grandchildren etc etc. It struck how even though me and my sister are two fully grown adults, we still are treated like little children by our parents who have their own expectations about what we should be doing in life. Im finding it really stifling and suffocating having so much expectation levelled at me as I know that one day the same kinda grievances are gonna be levelled at me. this is why I wanna move out - I wanna experience life for myself without my parents telling me whats best for me. Otherwise I fear Im gonna look back at my life and regret the things I never did. Advice please!

Answer 1

move out and stop wingeing!

Answer 2

So what is stopping you !!!....... Move out, unless your one of those people who lived with there parents and never saved any money and now that you want to leave you can't. I'm not trying too bust your b*lls or anything it's just seems your whining.

As long as you live, your parents are going to treat you as a kid. Until you prove too them that your not. Still living at home is not acting or showing that you can be an adult.

and as for your sister your parents might be only venting about her they may not approve of her relationship but they respect it and know there is nothing they can do about it.

When you have children of your own you will see that a parents worse fear, (besides a death of a child) is being a failure as a parent. It reflect upon them the things there kids do. Not so much when your an adult but even then they feel they are responsibly . They fear that they didn't teach you or show you enough things too make you a better person.

Looking back on your life? Your here in the present so, YOU do what you think you should do now. Only thing your gonna regret is not paying more attention to your parents and enjoying the time and the things they teach you....good luck

Answer 3

Time to move out and lead your own life perhaps - is your sister really still at home at 28? Does she not have a life to lead of her own?

In fairness to your parents, I guess perhaps they feel if "the children are STILL at home" then perhaps they still need mum and dad to give them guidance and suggestions all the time - otherwise, why would they not have left to lead their own lives in their own style?

I know leaving the family nest can be a daunting thing to do - but the stifling experience you are talking about will get worse until you do. More to the point, until you DO find your own place, you still have to live to someone else rules / expectations / ideals.

Enjoy some freedom - visit places, travel a little perhaps - throw a party - paint the hallway purple if you must - but whatever you do, think long and hard about how you want the next five years of your life to go.

Would be a really grim prospect to be asking this question again in 5 years time when you are approaching 30 and STILL living with the folks.

Mark

Answer 4

Ok, I'm going to be 23 in a week, and I've been out of my parents house for 5 years now....Why is it that you still live at home now? I say get the *uck out, and live your life. Your parents know that you have to grow up sometime. As far as wanting grandchildren and such, your sister is to an age where she should probably be starting to get on with her life, settling down, and starting a family. But, you...you need to get the young life out of your system, now, before you start a family, so that by the time you are 28 you will be ready too settle down too. I'm guessing your sister also lived at home for quiet a while also? Good Luck, get out there and have some fun....Meet new people...

Answer 5

I think you have given the answer already. You probably should move out. Your parents, as parents, feel programmed to give advice and criticism freely. It's just what happens in life. Sure it varies in people, but this is just what happens in life. They do this and it can be annoying, like a fingernail grating on a chalkbord. It's annoying for many reasons, but possibly because they could be right and you haven't tested the waters of life enough yet to say differently and that is annoying. Treat what they say with respect, they could be right, on the other hand you need to start testing the waters yourself and get out there and start learning making mistakes and learning from them and having beginner's luck too. You are ready for this step of maturity. If you don't take it, you probably are not going to mature as you should. You're going to have to develop thick skin of their criticism, but still sensitive enough to filter out the value of what they are saying. Keep a positive attitiude about your parents is the best way and realize, "Hey I am starting to be an adult myself"

Answer 6

Do it, baby!

But don't forget your parents love you, and even if they are annoying they probably have your best interest in mind, though they may not know how to show it.

So move on out. Don't let your parents get you down. Confront them on how you feel -- if it causes trouble, hey, you'll be living somewhere else anyway.

I know this is a big step, but I'm sure it'll be great. Get some friends to support you, and your sister, and move into your own place.

Btw, don't be too hard on your parents if no body has told them how what they're doing is offending/hurting people. You should definately tell them.

Answer 7

I'm a 44 yr old mother of two, 21 and 13. My oldest moved out when she was 18. She isn't living her life entirely how I would like...but she is an adult. She has held the same job for 3 years...has had the same boyfriend for 3 years and is buying her own car and holding her own. I believe it's in part due to my direction as her parent. I also believe it's due, in part, because she went out on her own and HAD to sink or swim....YOU need to get out. As long as you live under their roof you are subject to their rules and expectations. Get your own place, make your own rules and grow up. Your parents only want what's best for you guys....they love you. Gently tell them that you love them, with a smile.... and live your life as YOU see fit. Sooner or later they will realize that you are an adult and can make it on your own. Eventually, they will learn only to give advice when they are asked for it. That is when you will know that they respect you...as an adult. If you and your sister need to limit your contact with your parents in order to wean them off the 'controlling parent' addiction then so be it. If they ask why, TELL them. But do it with love. It'll all work out. You are SO young and very fortunate to have family that care. Good luck

Answer 8

OK -- we don't know you and we don't know what you are achieving (or not achieving) -- again, another question with not enough information except you are upset with your parents. Other information is critical here if you want us to help you.
I'm a mom and a YOUNG grandma (by that I mean, I love the babies to death but they did come too young for them -- it's all okay though). One of my son's -- he's a heroin addict and lives off others and rips people off - used tough love on him and he may not even be alive - I have no clue and that hurts a LOT.
My baby boy -- (raised exactly like my firstborn) is almost a corpsman and doing great (he's a young dad though and has high expectations for his life.
I would give a different answer to each question if I knew the background....are you an achiever and working full-time? Did you graduate high school? Do you have plans for the future?
See, a lot of us parents didn't make plans for the future and we are living day by day and hoping to survive and we don't want that for our children -- so see.......just not enough information. Please listen to people who have "been there" -- I can assure you, you do not want to live like I have and if you have no plans whatsoever, I would tend to side with your parents (but I am open minded) -- it all depends on a lot of things -- yes, you can email me -- my email is open because I don't have any reason to hide -- share some more information with me and maybe I can help some more, okay?

Answer 9

Well that sounds like life to me lol. Seriously though, all parents have expectations, thats just the way it is. You should just balance what you want with what they want. And by that I mean do what they want that you AGREE with.

As far as moving out...I would say it depends on your situation. Job? can you afford it? Are you ready to do more for yourself? Personally I don't think you need to move out of your parents house as soon as possible..it doesn't make you a loser.

Lastly! My parents tried renting out their second floor to a group of friends 2 times and it caused nothing but trouble. The friends always had disputes about bills, whose name things would be in, etc. They nvr lasted long. Of course I'm not saying this will happen to you but its always possible.

Answer 10

Your 23 my brother moved out when he was 23 he's not responsible so it was really hard and he got into a lot of debt and made so bad choices, but that was why he stayed there so long. It was still the best thing I think he ever really did it helped him grow up and make his own choices good or bad. So I think you should go out on your own don't give your parents the upper hand.

Answer 11

I lived in and out of my fathers house till he died when I was 28. Its nice to have a safe place to be, but yes you do need to get out on your own. If you're a little nervous about it, its ok. Are you in college? If you are then you could try on campus life. Might not be what you want or like, but you would be out of their house. Unfortunately the have leverage where they are because it is their house. They are your parents though, they might not think they are being mean, more likely they think they've done something wrong because you still live there, and its coming out in how they treat you and your sister. Keep in mind they do love you, they are your parents, let them know how you feel, ya never know, they might help you get into a place...

Good luck leaving the nest