How is raising an adoptee different from raising one's own children?

Answer 1

I think if you are going to raise adopted children the same way you raise bio children, then you should not adopt. I have 3 biological children and not once have I ever stopped to make sure they knew the story of my pregnancy and their birth, and all the details surrounding why they are mine. I have never stopped and wondered if their behavior was normal childhood stuff, or adoption related. I have not been extra special careful to make sure that my normal actions don't leave them feeling abandoned or objectified. I have not gone out of my way to move to a neighborhood with more children who look like and speak the same language as my bio children. I have not driven miles out of the way to shop at grocery stores that sell foods from my bio children's countries. I have not incorporated new holidays and religious traditions into our family for my bio children. I have not had to learn a new language for my bio children. I take for granted that if I yell at my bio kids or they yell at me, it will all blow over and no harm done. I have not had to think of proper responses to the idiotic questions of others about my bio kids in a way that empowers them and respects their privacy.
For more ways raising my IA children has been different than my bio kids, read my article on White Bio Kid Priveledge at http://www.informedadoptions.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=91&Itemid=31

Even if your adopted child is a domestically adopted infant of the same race as yourself, there are still big differences you MUST take into account or else you are doing your child a huge disservice.

Answer 2

My adoptive parents had two biological sons already. We were all treated exactly the same and I totally believe my parents loved me every bit as much as their natural kids; but I still 'felt' different and because we all had equal treatment, I felt there must be something 'wrong' with me because there seemed to be no reason for me to be different

But then I woke up - looked in the mirror - and duh!! you know what? I AM different no matter how much we want to pretend and play make believe - adoptees aren't from the same gene pool and nurture is just not enough to mold you so you fit in. This needs to be acknowledged by aparents, rather than pretending that we're all the same 'cos that's either wishful thinking or plain ignorance

On another note my B-I-L was also adopted into a family where the adoptive parents already had 2 kids of their own. The grandparents however treated him like a leper and never bought him a christmas present or accepted him - so cruel

Answer 3

I have one of each. With the adopted child, we cannot look at one another and say "that's YOUR side of the family!"

I think the biggest challenge with my daughter has been convincing her that our families are HER family too. She misses pictures of what her mother, her grandmother and so on looked like.

Just as with any birth child, an adopted one has his or her own quirks and personality traits, temperament and talents. There just aren't any underlying expectations and that may make it easier for an adopted child.

More often than usual in the population, adoptees from the US have inherited learning differences/ADD and so on. This can add a burden and a challenge.

Answer 4

There are some notable differences. If you adopt a baby,then you will need to know how to tell the child,at a young age about the adoption,in a way that adds to the child's self esteem and self worth. If you have adopted an older child,then you may have to be able to handle problems of an emaotional nature. Some of these kids come from a background of abuse and neglect. You must be willing to deal with any issues arising from that,and other issues as well.
If you adopt a child from another country,or a different race than you need to be willing to help that child to continue his/her cultural heritage.
In a lot of other ways you will be just like any other parent, except you must be willing to take on some additional responsibilities.

Answer 5

G'day. I adopted my wife's 3 kids 3 years into the marriage... their natural farther sent the papers! Now the are grown up and we have a very close relationship. Make sure your little girl understands what is going on. Don't vilify the natural father, even if he is an ********, as she will question it and be told lies when shes older that she will wnt to believe. Alwas be truthful an up front. It works.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

For me too it got really hard around 12 and 13 as I was growing into someone with very different values and points of view, than the rest of my family, and they had no point of reference for the personality I developed. But I was not adopted. Sure there will be some differences, Especially if it is obvious that your child is adopted, you will have to prepare them for comments that will be made and decide how your family will(or will not) address them, letting the decision be your child's, and doing what they are most comfortable with. If they are of another ethnicity you may want to make sure that they are exposed to the culture of there heritage, and instill in them an appreciation (which you should have too) of there ancestry. But basically it is the same. If you don't think that you could love, nurture and care for a child with all your heart, regardless of how they come into your family, you should probably not be a parent(through adoption, biologically, marriage or any of the other ways that families are formed).

Answer 7

If someone is going to treat their adopted children differentlly than their own they should not adopt. My ex-brother-in-law was adopted because doctors told his mom that she could not get pregnant. The next year she got pregnant and she treated her daughter a lot better than she treated my B-I-L. A child, no matter how they come to be in your family should be treated exactly the same.

Answer 8

I know that everyone is going to say "its no different" but it is. In my case I have one adopted (he and I prefer the term "chosen" but you get the gist) child and two bio-children. My chosen child came home to us immediately after being released from hospital (it was a private adoption) and as time went on, we realized that this child had a great deal of "issues" that stemmed from his Birth Mom's use of drugs and alcohol while pregnant (no, we did not know this ahead of time).
But on to your question. Raising my chosen son has been a challenge since day one.. it has been harder than raising by biological children because of his different abilities. Having said that, let me add that while it has been more challenging, it has also been more rewarding. Watching him reach goals that doctors said he wouldn't, watching him become a gorgeous, capable young man. I cannot take credit for him being on this earth, but I can take partial credit (with him) for what he has done (so far) with his time on it.
I don't think that biological parents love all their children the same way. I do think they love them equally but there is always something that makes each child special or different (some are needier, some are more independent, some are more easy to love and others challenge your love) and we, as parents, adjust ourselves to that childs needs.

Answer 9

Ok, I am an adoption caseworker. Depending on how you look at it yes and no. You should still love them the same either way. It also depends on how old they are when they are adopted. Adopting children out of the foster care system can be very challenging and difficult. As any child can be. But these children (I work with children in the foster care system) come with many issues such as rejection issues, attachment issues....among many others. If you are going to adopt, you will need to make sure you are prepared....more so if it is an older child.

Answer 10

It shouldnt be different at all and if you feel that you would treat a child differently...then you should Not adopt