My fiance and I decided a year ago when we got engaged that we wanted a wedding that reflected who we are and what we love. We decided to have a destination wedding in Cuba with our kids. We invited people to join if they wanted to share in our day. We also decided that we would have a small reception when we returned for friends and family to see a video and pictures of our wedding. We could only afford so much and having a wedding local with reception and then a honeymoon was far more than we could afford. I got a fair bit slack from my dad about the cost to travel for a wedding. Yet my dad said he wouldn't pay for any of my wedding if I had it here. So the people that are going I feel are upset and feel obligated to go. I have also been told that it was selfish of me to have a destination wedding because many of my family would have liked to see me get married and have the reception here. Many of my family have decided not to attend the wedding - but are talking behind my back now
2007-09-23 08:35:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
EDIT*
Just some things to keep in mind:
It is legal for Americans to go to Cuba.
It is illegal for American to have transactions (spend money or receive gifts) in Cuba under most circumstances.
It is legal for American to have transactions (spend money or receive gifts) in Cuba if they have a "license", but the government is arbitrary about how it interprets its rule and who it issues licenses to.
If you are a journalists, government officials, have relatives in Cuba, are a full-time professionals (including doctors, dental hygienists, environmentalists and actors) going to conferences or doing research, you might be able to go to Cuba, under a "General License" -- with no red tape.
Other activities they MAY be approve under Specific Licenses:
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Humanitarian Travel
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Free-Lance Journalism
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Professional doing research or going to meetings that don't meet the criteria for a general license.
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Educational Activities - including educational exchanges not involving academic study pursuant to a degree program when those exchanges take place under the auspices of an organization that sponsors and organizes such programs to promote people-to-people contact. NOTE: On March 24, 2003, OFAC gave notice that this category would be eliminated on May 24, 2003.
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Religious activities - i.e. seeing the Pope
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Public Performances, Clinics, Workshops, Athletic and Other Competitions, and Exhibits (i.e. Baltimore Orioles) - all profits from the event after costs must be donated to an independent nongovernmental organization in Cuba or a U.S.-based charity, with the objective, to the extent possible, of promoting people-to-people contacts or otherwise benefiting the Cuban people.
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Activities of Private Foundations or Research or Educational Institutions
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Exportation, Importation, or Transmission of information or Informational Materials
2007-09-23 08:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 3⤋
It really doesn't matter what you decide to do, some members of your family and friends will always ***** about the wedding plans.
So you may as well just deal with it. Cuba seems like a weird place to pick, unless there is some significance in that place. But the small reception and a viewing of the wedding video sounds very cool.
Just remember this is a day for you and your partner, NOT for your family and friends. If they want a wedding day, they should have a wedding. If your family specifically want something here, then have them pay for it.
2007-09-23 15:44:09 · answer #2 · answered by ZCT 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your an adult. It is your special day. They will get over it! Having the reception once you get back home is a great way to have them share in your day. I have been to several of these receptions. The best ones that we have been to had the video of the ceremony, and then the bride and groom came in after wards with their wedding attire on, still cut the cake, did the first dances and everything. I am not sure if that is what you were planning, but it might make your family feel that they would still be a part of the celebration even if not their at the cermony in person.
2007-09-23 15:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by Angela S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Based on your question, it appears that Cuba has special meaning for you. However, I am sure you are aware that generally speaking, Americans cannot visit Cuba. I.e. the ones you love will be left out; perhaps the vast majority of your guests will not even be eligible to attend your wedding day.
To prevent your day of 'wedding bliss' from becoming something bitter, perhaps you should consider getting married in the USA, then taking your honeymoon in Cuba. Maybe then all those people 'talking behind your back' will start sending you some apologies!
Once again though, this is your special day. You need to be comfortable with whatever decision is made. I would say, in the end you need to follow your heart.
2007-09-25 15:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by Shizzle DIzzle 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Couple of points come to mind:
1.) It's your right to get married wherever you want and can legally
2.) It's your right to choose a location that is beyond most people to attend
3.) Weddings are meant to be celebrated with family and friends, and the message many are getting is you really don't care if I am there or not, so now I am hurt.
4.) It's your Dad's right to NOT pay for your wedding.
5.) If you can't afford a ceremony local and a small reception, then how do you expect to pay for a trip to Cuba with kids in tow?
6.) Choose your battles wisely. Is it worth all the hurt feeling and lingering damage to relationships to do this this way? Or, in the long run, will you be just as happy or happier sharing this day with family and friends?
7/) We all have to live with our decisions. They have a right to be hurt and you don't have a right to be mad about it.
2007-09-23 16:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by naniannie 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You have a right to a destination wedding. And it seems you have made a fair compromise by having a local reception.
Your family and friends have a right to be upset - I'd be too.
Often destination weddings such as this only include the bride and grooms immediate family (parents and siblings) as most people don't have it in their budget to take an impromptu vacation. So although you have offered for them to come, not really, and in the vast majority of cases it just isn't possible. So, in a way, know that the guest isn't likely able to come, the invitation is almost insulting.
And personally - I feel that if you choose to have a destination wedding and desire family to be there, you ought to include in your budget the travel expenses for those people that "Must" be there. This includes your parents and siblings.
My husband's brother was originally planing a Vegas wedding. I was upset. We're a 1 income family and we just wouldn't have been able to afford it. They did ultimatly change their minds because it was more important to have family then Vegas and they couldn't afford to help pay. They still chose a desitnation, but one that was affordable for all.
Your other choice is to just go there with you and your fiance and your children. But do you really want to get married alone?
You have to decide what your priorities are, and what you are willing to sacrifice to have your way. You can't control how other people feel, and they have every right to feel that way.
And I'm sorry - to all those self-absorbed people that say "it's your day - they'll get over it" I have to strongly disagree.
Your parents love you and want to share this with you. This is actually their day too.
2007-09-23 15:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
To start with this is your day.
My daughter is getting married in Jamaica in 3 months. Her dad & I couldn't be happier. She was given a choice between a weddingmoon or the cash. She chose Montego Bay. None of our family is coming. Either people couldn't afford it, or they couldn't get holidays.
There will only be the bride & groom, her parents(us) and 3 of their friends.
I think it's sad your dad feels that way. I always told my kids, it is their day & their choice. We agreed on the money amount, and it's up to them how they want to spend it.
Also my daughter felt that she didn't want to have to pay for everyone to come & party at her expense. She feels, most people couldn't care a less if she got married or not, and that most people just come out to have a good time.
And btw, Cuba is a beautiful place for a wedding. Saw afew at our resort when we were their
2007-09-23 21:05:21 · answer #7 · answered by tess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the bride's parents held a party of some sort right after the wedding ceremony. The party could be as simple as a tea, or champagne toasts with plain cake -- or it could be very grand reception, supper, or ball. The purpose of this party was to introduce the new family member (the groom) to their (the parents') extended families and social circle.
If a modern bride and groom are paying for their own party, then I suppose they can hold it where they darn well please. However, please consider what is happening from a parent's point of view. To them, your wedding is a once in a lifetime and last time ever chance to show off their beautiful daughter (or handsome son) at her very best -- to shine and be proud in front of family and friends.
It would be mean and petty to take this pleasure away from them, an omission that you would come to regret but could never make up to them. You and your kids can vist Cuba some other time, but you only have one wedding day. Share it with the parents and plan a less ambitious honeymoon.
2007-09-23 18:08:30 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes, lots of couples run into this, and end up regretting having a destination wedding. A wedding is just a time for family and friends to celebrate with you - to witness your vows at the ceremony, then join in to party with you at the reception.
You're adults, so should be paying for your own wedding - but also taking into consideration your families. Not a time to be selfish here....
2007-09-24 08:56:47 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I disagree with the poster who said that your family and friends have a right to be upset.
You are not required to have the wedding your family wants you to have unless they are paying for it. Please tell your dad that you hope that he will come to the reception, but that since you are paying for the wedding yourself, he has no right to dictate what kind of a wedding it will be.
(Wish I had told my dad that.)
2007-09-23 18:46:39 · answer #10 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The ones talking behind you about the wedding aren't deserving of an invitation anyway.
Have your day where you want it, those who support you will be there if they can afford it.
Have YOUR dreams wedding, NOT the one your parents and family want you to have.
2007-09-23 17:05:22 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋