what should i do with this family situation?

Question

I go to college that is 2 hours by train away from home, I like to go home every weekened, and stay from friday-monday, because i feel lonely in school and i just not adapt to it, and i just like home. The thing is, my mom married a man like about 2 and half years, and she told me that if i come home too much, it brings lots of inconvience because me and my stepdad could never stay at home alone together. Even though nothing would ever happen, but it just makes her feel better, (like grandma also advise me not to stay alone with him), so is it that i should listen to her and not go home so much and so often, because i should understand her situation, or is it that it's really unfair to me, and go to my dad and stepmom's side. which they live in singapore. please tell me what should i do and how i should think. is it i'm not understanding and selfish?

Answer 1

Um, I think you should come before her husband!
You are going to college and you have every right to be at your house when you are off of school. Tell your mom that if she doesn't feel comfortable around her man that she should rent you an apt close to your school. That would be convenient for you also on your commute back and forth to school.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Well you are not selfish or un-understanding.
That is for certain.

You are in college and it takes time to build a life there. You will, but in the mean time it is comforting to come home to the familiar. I get that. I did that, too, when I went away to school. It's only mid September, give yourself a chance.

I would have been crushed if my parents were to say not to come home because that is my comfort zone. Shame on her. However, that being said, if my parents had said that it would have been because they felt that if I stayed at school more weekends, then I'd be more likely to build that life that I should be building. So in the end, regardless of the reason, it is probably a good idea to try to phase yourself into college life.

Now the fact that your mom married someone she can't trust to be around you is a little weird and if she and your grandmom agree about that, then I would not be around him alone. period. Maybe they are overprotective, maybe not, but for the sake of being good to yourself, trust them.

If I was in your shoes and I really wanted to go home on some weekend, I would arrange to stay with high school friends who still live there. I did that a lot when I was in college. Many of them still lived in my home town after I went away. That was fun...
Sometimes I would sneak into town just to see them and not tell my parents I was there... SHHHH! lol

If you can, arrange with your mom a set amount of weekends each month that is appropriate and comfortable for her so you and she have the ability to plan your lives accordingly. Is staying with Grandma an option?

Also, consider staying at school and meeting some people. You'll have to step outside of your comfort zone a bit, but the friends you make their can last a lifetime. The more you build a life there, the less you will want to go home and soon enough your mom will be begging to see you...

Everyone you go to school with feels the same way you do, so reach out to a couple people in your dorms.

Answer 3

You are not selfish. In fact, the adult (your mom) shouldn't have put the burden of their failure marriage on you. She may be have your interest in heart to advise you not to stay at home with your stepdad alone. But, if this man is someone cannot be trusted, why she still choose to marry him, and which may causing your safety in danger?

You did not blame anyone shown that you are a very understanding and nice daughter.

Staying aways will never help the situation, this can't provide you with a normal family. Try talk to your mom, and let the adults sort the thing out.

Answer 4

This may be hard but, you have been advised not to be alone with this man there has to be a reason. Your grandmother and your mother both are warning you for your own good.
You didn't mention whether you are male or female? But in general it sounds like he has said or done something that has made them uncomfortable about you being along with him and they want to protect you.
See if you can visit Grandma once a month or overnight every other weekend. She will probably enjoy it.
Maybe consider joining school clubs and other activities that happen on the weekend. You will continue not adapting if you are not there.

Answer 5

I really cant see the reason for you not being able to go home from school your mom is being very selfish about this man or maybe you should go to your dads but if you like being at home close to your mom you should get a apartment close to your mom or work their when you go home so you don't have to be at your moms at all or even think about going to community college close to home so you can see your mom or just go to your dads if it will be easier on you an your family but it all seems weird to me about your mother not wanting you home with your step dad make a plan for your self so you wont be so lonely OK .

Answer 6

You are in a very unique situation. It doesn't sound like you are the one being selfish at all. It is completely normal for college students to want to go back to their home for a short amount of time, often as they can. Maybe you should try to work something out with your mom, though. Maybe arrange a visit every other weekend, so that in the end, you are both winning.

Answer 7

I wonder what kind of a man you step dad is. But lets talk about you. Why do you feel lonely in school? Why you can't adapt to it? Isn't easy for you to make friends? Has always been like that? Look for clubs or activities you like to do. In them, you'll find people with characteristics like you, which could become good friends. Try it. Most people need time to adapt to new situations. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well you can't be lacking understanding and selfish if your concerned about it. So I wouldn't worry about that.

Though you know nothing would ever happen between you and your stepdad I think you might wanna just respect her wishes and stay with your dad. At least until you can find a house or apartment of your own. Dont worry just know it's not forever, everything will be okay.

Answer 9

Why is it that you and your step dad cannot be alone together? This sounds like a serious problem. There must be an underlying issue because in normal circumstances this would not be the case. I think you should definitely not stay alone with him, and perhaps talk to your mother to find out what is going on.

Answer 10

If you're of college age, you should start developing a social life away from your "old home." Join groups and activities that meet on weekends, i.e. study groups, churches, sports, etc. Why don't you stay with your grandma sometime if you really want to get away. You should honor your mother's wishes.