Every week my friend asks if they can borrow my computer. They have said that they will buy their own computer if they can find one that's cheap. They don't NEED to borrow it, it's just something that makes their note taking a little easier. What frustrates me is that they now expect me to lend it over to them (ie. not even asking, just stating they need it) and when I tell them I don't feel comfortable/like lending it out, they get upset and tell me they don't like it either. Also, once when they borrowed it, I really needed it back by a certain time and when I told them that, they said ok. But came back with it late! I have looked online and noticed that there are some cheaper laptops out there, but I still feel guilty for not wanting to let someone borrow my computer constantly. It's not so much the borrowing, but the person's attitude? Am I wrong in not wanting to lend out my computer? Am I being too sensitive?
2007-09-23 05:37:38 · 15 answers · asked by sosokitty 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Hi,
You have legitimate concerns about others using your computer. I'm sure you started out by trying to be nice and helpful. The reality is it's taking away from time you could be using your own computer, it's risking the security of your computer, and it's obviously putting a strain on your friendship.
That really seems like it would be an imposition on anyone to have somebody else expecting to use their computer! On top of that, they don't even seem grateful, and they continue to take advantage of you.
This will probably continue unless you say something to them. There are computers everywhere these days: internet cafes, schools, libraries, they could buy or rent their own computer, or borrow a relative's, etc. Yours is not the only computer. The bottom line is that it's not even your responsibility to find them another computer to use before you break the news to them that you are not offering a free computer any longer. You can say something like "I'm sorry, but this is not working out. You will need to make other arrangements for your computer needs in the future."
A real friend would not want to put you in that situation in the first place. If they are still your friend after that, fine. If not, it doesn't sound like you will be missing much.
Good luck,
julie
2007-09-23 05:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by julie j 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never feel guilty about not wanting to let someone borrow your computer. It's YOUR computer and just because you've let them borrow it in the past without a problem, doesn't give your friend the right to just expect you to hand it over whenever they need it. They are no longer borrowing, it sounds more like joint ownership, except they haven't paid you any money for it. Your friend is taking advantage, weather they mean to or not. As far as your friend is concerned, why would they need to buy their own when they know they can just guilt you into letting them borrow yours? Until you put your foot down, your friend will not buy their own computer. It's not as if you're letting them borrow a shirt or some other small item. You're letting them borrow an expensive machine and if anything happened to it while it was in their possession, things will get worse than they already are. Nip this in the bud and FAST.
2007-09-23 06:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely do not feel guilty or bad about it. He/she is being insensitive to you if anything. Its called, respect. Ones belongings is your right to say who uses it or doesn't. If the person you "trust" is borrowing "your" computer, it should be done under your guidelines and not there's. If you have been easy about it all this time, he or she may think you don't care if its back later since you don't give them a hard time about it. Saying NO to someone is hard.
Also, even harder to hear the answer, NO. But, it is your laptop and you have every right to not lend it out or keep it to yourself. I suggest they pay to use it and when it is convenient for you not them. Also, use it in your presence so they don't download stuff without you knowing. If you don't trust them to use it, don't let them use it again. I know how you feel, trying to keep things friendly and cool. But, when someone doesn't respect your time limit on borrowing it, that's when you stop being cool about it and friendly. Instead be assertive and simply say well you know you could use the computer at the library or school. Also, mention the sale on pc's. You don't owe any explanation either. Its a simple NO next time he/she asks to borrow it. Good Luck!
From experience being nice to people can result to getting taken advantage of. I been there, done that and got the tattoo.
Don't keep yourself open to get hurt when you know inside somethings not right about the situation. This starts with asking and not assumption. Respect is a two way street. Self respect first. Everything else will follow suit. Smile :) you have done nothing wrong...just a victim of someone using you. Its not fair and its very upsetting but you are the one with the power to keep it from happening or to continue. ;) Have a blessed day.
2007-09-23 05:53:44 · answer #3 · answered by queenofsiberiama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lending someone your computer is doing that person a FAVOR, which means it's your choice.
No, there's nothing wrong with you. You have no obligation to lend people things.
This is not just a one-shot deal, but frequent.
And not only is the person not at all grateful for the favor, but they are taking advantage of you; and have inconvenienced you, even when you said you needed it back by a certain time.
What this person is doing is trying to Guilt-trip you. Do NOT let them.
"Sorry. I need it." Don't get into a big discussion, just say no (politely, but firmly).
If they can't handle it, that's their problem.
It won't kill them to take notes the old fashioned way until they buy their own computer.
2007-09-23 09:28:58 · answer #4 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you tell them, the next time they ask, that you have decided not to lend your computer any longer. You could tell a little fib...that others have asked to borrow it too, and to be fair, your new policy is not to lend it to anyone. If you lend your computer to someone and something gets damaged...even accidentally.....I doubt that they would pay to have it repaired. Just be firm...and tell them that you don't want to cause hard feelings, but you will not loan your computer. And if that upsets them, well....maybe it's a friend that you don't mind losing. But if it's a true friend, they should understand. Ask them if they would lend you their computer all the time...if they had one. I bet they wouldn't want to. You pay too much money for an expensive item like that and you should not be expected to lend it, and in fact....what kind of a friend would actually have the nerve to ask you to borrow it!
gere
2007-09-23 12:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it does sound like they are being a mooch.
print out some of the cheap ads you've seen, and give it to them, with a note saying you've been happy to help out, but they really have had enough time to get a new one by now. Tell them it seems like you're becoming a resource rather than a helping hand, and it is becoming very inconvenient for you, and interfering with your work. Be polite and friendly, but firm.
putting it in a note allows you time to copose exactly the words you want, and prevents interruptions our outbursts. If they ask anyway, you can say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't your read my note? Well, it explains everything. You can read it at your convenience, then."
2007-09-23 05:48:34 · answer #6 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. It is your computer, not thiers. If said person really needs to use you laptop then they should use it while thier at your house. It should not leave your house! You set a time limit like one hour then they need to get off. Don't feel gulity. This person is not really a friend if they can't understand that you need to use your own computer.
If they reall need to use a computer then they can go to a Library. All they would need is a library card and they could use the compters in the library for an hour everyday that the library is open.
2007-09-23 07:19:48 · answer #7 · answered by saraimay75 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset if someone kept asking to borrow something so expensive. There are SO many things that could happen to it that I don't even loan out my computer in the first place.
What if it becomes broken?
What if they get a virus on your computer?
What if they're doing illegal things on it?
I'd just say, look dude, you said you were gonna try to buy one. I've loaned mine to you quite a few times. Go ahead and buy one or ask another friend to borrow theirs cause I need to use mine.
If they get upset with you... THEIR problem. Not yours.
2007-09-23 06:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by tasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not let them have your computer if you do not want . As easy as that. It is yours. And you do with your things what you want. They are manipulating you by getting upset if you say no.
Think of that little boy that is at the grocery store with Mom and wants a candy. If Mom says no he gets on the floor and throws a fit. Then Mom gets him the candy . And he stops crying.
Same with your situation.
2007-09-23 06:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by Helper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let them borrow it so much if they can't have it back when you need it. Them not asking doesn't help either. If they need it so bad they can come to your house and use it. What happens if it comes broken? Do you think they would pay you back? I doubt it since they haven't bought their own.
2007-09-23 05:47:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋