(No I am not just saying this because I'm 13.)
So yesterday, my mom was telling my dad, and I, and the rest of our family, that she would never want to have a tube in her throat if she's had a car accident or something. She'd rather have it be pulled out. Then my dad starts saying stuff like, "Even if it's written in your will, I have the right of passage to do what I want. I'm your husband." I feel that he would not pull the tube out. He's just using that power over my mom, just to make him superior. I'm an only child. I know that the spouse will make those decisions, then the child. Is there anyway that I can be the first person to make those decisions? I don't want my mom to suffer the rest of her life. She's my mother who gave me life. And I don't think my dad understands that.
So is there anyway I can be the first person to make a decision like that?
Thanks a ton!
2007-09-23 05:22:33 · 14 answers · asked by Addicted To Abercrombie & Fitch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My dad isn't blood related. He's my mom's 2nd husband who legally adopted me.
2007-09-23 05:26:46 · update #1
And right now they don't have the best relationship. Let's just say, they love each other, but aren't in love.
2007-09-23 05:27:33 · update #2
Your dad may be saying that he would opt to have your mother intubated for a period if it's possible that she could make a recovery or regain some quality of life...that's not a superior attitude, but a willingness to fight for a person to make sure all options are explored before giving up on them. That being said, if your mother makes a living will, no one has the right to override her wishes as long as she states them with crystal clarity and this declaration is made when she has a mental capacity to leave informed instructions. Confusion arises when people don't leave any instructions at all, then physicians have to scramble to get consent questions answered to avoid legal liability issues...time that would be better spent treating the patient or alleviating suffering. But nothing you've said here characterizes your dad as a jerk....maybe you just didn't know what he fully meant by the position he took.
2007-09-23 05:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be extremely cruel to put a child in charge of a decision such as this. It's hard enough for a caring adult, and much, much worse for a child.
That said, I think you are worrying too much about short-term "what if's". Try not to get too twisted over this right now, but knowing how her husband feels about the situation, your mom absolutely needs to make out a "Living Will" that states her preferences in case of such an emergency. In her Living Will, she can designate ANYONE else other than her husband to make that final decision, one that would honor her wishes, thus cutting him out of the decision-making process. If you are an adult and are comfortable with making a decision like that for your mother, then you would be a reasonable choice -- but not if you are a minor. She might also choose one of her brothers or sisters or other close relative.
Don't worry, hopefully it won't be something you'll ever have to worry about. But Living Wills are "just in case", and every adult should have one.
2007-09-23 05:43:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife has asked the same thing of me. And no it is not a power trip, I don't know if I could pull the plug on my wife. She is the love of my life and knowing that I would be without her until I passed away would be much more than I can handle.
2007-09-23 05:26:40 · answer #3 · answered by dsrtrat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my dad. different than he buys me issues from guilt. in basic terms steer away from him as much as a hazard. stay on your room and steer away from eye touch. i've got been keeping off my dad for some 12 months now and he's /finally/ getting the hint. Ignoring my dad by no ability did something. i will basically wager yours does no longer be lots diverse.
2016-10-09 17:04:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then your mom needs to make sure the hospital and her doctor have a copy of the paperwork which states what she would want in a case like that.
2007-09-23 05:28:18 · answer #5 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi,
i dont think he meant it in a way as to say he is superior or he is overpowering.
see when he said he has the right to make the decision he meant that he has a right to hope for your mom;s getting better and for her to have life. to give up during the course of your recovery is bad. imagine if she could have got better and you din give her a chance. she gave you life wont you want to give her life too.
i hope you understnd
take care
2007-09-23 05:33:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to her about it and tell her to change it in her will that if you are 18 yrs of age or older than you have the right to decide what is best for her . I would reccomend that you talk to your mom without your father present . good luck .
2007-09-23 05:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mom needs a living will so that her wishes are followed in that situation, not your dad's.
Have her check with a lawyer. It is only a few hundred bucks.
2007-09-23 05:27:59 · answer #8 · answered by joker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well talk to your mom and ask her to see a lawyer.
And what makes you think that you will have to face such a situation...stop thinking negative...shes your mom for god sake.
2007-09-23 05:44:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lord Of Lust 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
touchy subject mate. i dont think you have any rites at all till your an adult. no pun intended.. divorced my self and got a new partner. i think the law states she has power over my two children but dont quote me on that !!!! good luck in your reserch on that one..... BW
2007-09-23 05:35:35 · answer #10 · answered by brian w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋