I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and living with him for 2. I have had my cat since before I met him, so when we moved in together the cat came too. The problem is, my boyfriend HATES the cat, and the cat is PETRIFIED of him. He's the only person in the world the cat is scared of, and is a very social animal otherwise. When my boyfriend walks into the room the cat bolts out and runs into a closet. He will run into walls sometimes in the process of trying to escape. It upsets me to see him so scared.
My boyfriend claims he has tried to befriend the cat on several occasions, by going into the closet where the cat sleeps and trying to pet him. I explained that he can't do this because the cat feels cornered. It has gotten to the point where he wont acknowledge the cats existance anymore. I just want them to be in the same room together peacefully and i'm sick of the FIGHTING. I've given up on them ever being friends, but i dont know what to do anymore. how can i keep peace!?
2007-09-23 05:21:15 · 16 answers · asked by snack 2 in Pets ➔ Cats
I don't think the problem is abuse. In the beginning if the cat would come near him he would make a quick loud sound to get the cat to leave him alone (The cat IS a social animal. He will be in your face for hours trying to love you if he can). This was in front of me, so i know he wasn't trying to hide it. He knows how much I love the cat, and my boyfriend is typically a very calm and loving individual. He has never done anything to hurt or scare me or the cat. I just think its been 3 years of him giving the cat the cold shoulder. As you said before, cats are very perceptive. The cat will act interested in him sometimes, as in sitting between us on the couch, but its gotten to the point where my boyfriend will just ignore him. When i suggest he pet the cat he tells me "No, i hate the cat." I think if he is civil to the cat in general and changes his attitude then we can all live in peace and get along. But I think he's hated the cat so much for so long he is not willing to change.
2007-09-23 05:42:41 · update #1
And canning either the boyfriend or the cat is not an option. They are both great and I love them both to death. I just want suggestions on keeping the peace! I don't want him to feel like i'm attacking him or blaming him for the flaws in their relationship when I bring up the subject. I need some suggestions on how to aproach him on keeping the peace, considering the cat really can't patch this up on his own.
2007-09-23 05:48:29 · update #2
Hate is a pretty strong emotion. Any idea as to why your boyfriend says he hates the cat? Is he the same with all cats, or just yours? Could he secretly be jealous of your relationship with your cat? Is he secretly a little bit phobic of them? It seems strange to cat lovers, but they do give some people the creeps.
I'm concerned that you say your cat is petrified of him to the point of running into walls in order to get away from him. That sounds like a seriously stressed cat to me who is panicking. Are you absolutely certain that he has not abused the cat physically or mentally (such as yelling or menacing behaviour) when you have not been there? There must be some reason why your cat quite literally feels the need to run away as fast as he can. Something is making him afraid of your boyfriend, and you need to find out what it is in order to help your cat.
Cats communicate through body language, and usually it's the visitor who ignores them and tries to avoid eye contact, that they approach. This is because their behaviour is seen as non threatening by the cat. This is why it seems strange to me that if your boyfriend is genuinely ignoring the cat all of the time, that your cat should be so frightened of him. Particularly as your cat is sociable with other people.
I don't know how long you've been living together, but cast your mind back and try to think if your cat was so scared of your boyfriend before he moved in full time.
I wish I knew what to advise you to do, but if your boyfriend won't even acknowledge the cat, it sounds like you are going to be walking on egg-shells trying to keep both of them happy. Is he controlling or likes to have his own way, in other areas of your life. If so, be very careful.
This must be a dreadful situation to be in, so I hope you find help amongst the answers you receive.
2007-09-23 06:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Michele the Louis Wain cat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have to agree with the answers you are getting. If your boyfriend was ignoring your cat the cat would ignore him in turn and you would have no problem. It is obvious that something is going on when you are out of the home. I have a cat that runs into the walls but that is only when he is playing and running so fast that his feet won't stop in time to avoid the wall or whatever gets in his way. Your cat is running in fright because your man walked into the room.
You say getting rid of one or the other is not an option for you but look at it this way. If the boyfriend is abusing the cat then you are abusing it too by forcing it to live its life in fright. Your happiness is coming at the expense of the cat. Either get rid of the boyfriend or give the cat to someone who will love and care for it without making the cat wonder if its last moment has arrived. Would you want to live like that? Cats are very intelligent creatures. If they hate someone they ignore them, not run in fright. There IS a reason for the behavior. The cat can't tell you and the boyfriend will play innocent. Who are you going to believe?
2007-09-23 08:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by twolynns 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have a coffee mug that says "Love me, love my cats" My boyfriend has never had a pet in his entire life, so he doesn't get the "pet thing." But when we started dating I told him flat out: I have two cats that I absolutely adore, so if you don't like cats, this won't work. My cats love him, but the feeling is not so mutual...but we've been together for a year and a half, and he is starting to see why I love my cats so much. Compromise is something that has to happen in a relationship, and if your boyfriend is not willing to compromise, then things will most likely not work out. Not to mention, this is not a good life for your cat. If he is yelling at your cat for simply purring, what else might he be doing to him when you're not around? I have a bad feeling that you will one day find the cat missing, or have to shell out a lot of money for a vet visit due to your boyfriend being abusive. I agree with the previous poster that said it is NOT natural for your cat to be laying in the litter box. This is a bad sign and you need to really evaluate things. I know it's hard to make a choice, but most people that don't have compassion for animals in some way, don't have compassion for humans later in life either.
2016-05-17 04:21:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
With such an extreme reaction from the cat, I too would suspect abuse or at the very least a chase episode where the cat felt his life was severely in danger.
The cat needs a safe place to 'hide' that's strictly his, and that the boyfriend doesn't go near. Without this, the cat is not going to feel safe in any way. He's shown very clearly that this is a life threatening thing for him, his running into walls trying to get away is significant.
2007-09-23 09:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine M 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Like everyone else has said, if the bf is ignoring the cat it would not be in a panic to get away from him. I would bet he is abusing it when you are not around. If it were me I would not be able to be with someone who would abuse a defenseless animal so I would dump the guy. If you feel you cannot live without this guy then stop forcing the cat to live in terror and find it a new home where it can live in peace, and I don't mean dumping it off at the local animal control facility. You made a committment to the cat, so far I see no comittment from the guy. JMO..
2007-09-23 09:10:12 · answer #5 · answered by thelaughsonyou 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Got to say I'd dump the boyfriend! Sounds like he might have been nasty to the cat behind your back. Generally cats know when people don't like them/ignore them and they prefere these people. I don't want to be mean about your bf cos I don't know him but I think you should ask yourself how much you trust him and how well you know him....
And at least you can explain to your boyfriend why he has to go, whereas poor moggie would just feel confused and unloved.
Alternatively you could try letting your boyfriend always be the one to feed him, (perhaps with you in room so the cat feels secure). And if your bf has the patience he could get a long piece of string or other toy and try and play with the cat.
2007-09-23 05:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by Robo 2 · 5⤊ 2⤋
The boyfriend may be abusing or has abused the cat when you are/were not around - did the cat act the way it does the first time it saw your boyfriend? If it started sometime after they first met, I would recommend keeping the cat and canning the boyfriend,
Cats are very perceptive.
2007-09-23 05:34:54 · answer #7 · answered by Doug 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Oh gosh you do have a problem.. you have two conflicting best friends
Well, 'tis hard to enter into your cat's mind, but what would please (fool) the cat ? Cats, as anyone who knows about the mice belling the cat, can best your best efforts I propose a trial compromise.
Instead of shaving cream BF should try fish paste.. 'twould be a start... Now in the Fall bluebottles are'nt a problem, so get going.
I like cats but don't let my BOOFUSWOOLIE hear that.. he is like your BF and I don't bet on it! Sri., but just helping
2007-09-23 05:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by boofuswoolie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cats remember things. I'll bet your boyfriend has done something to the cat, maybe he was drinking at the time and doesn't remember, but the cat does.
2007-09-23 07:22:29 · answer #9 · answered by Johnny Reb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he must have done something to your cat when you werent around. There is no reason for your cat to be scared of your boyfriend unless something like that has happened. Get rid of your man, your cat is more important and more loyal, trust me. You dont need a man.
2007-09-23 06:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by angel66866 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋