Why do I feel betrayed?

Question

I always thought pagan religion was gentle, sensitive and unthreatening and the followers were the same.
But recently I've come across some who try to express these qualities on the surface, but when backed into a corner in any situation, come out and react in a most aggressive way, totally uncharacteristic to the pagan way and shattering my view of them for good. I sense double standards and feel betrayed.
Why is this?

Answer 1

Hi Dave,
Why should you? I think that it is to much burden for you to feel betrayed by people's standards. I know it hurts to see that certain people you have portrayed in a particular way, you believed they are real believers and they aren't real pagans, but you forget one thing- they are humans, driven by personal circumstances, by experience in life etc,. Also do not forget that many people follow a religion just because they were born in that particular faith and not necessarily that they are great believers or followers. In particular, these days more than ever for many people the sense of religion is misplaced despite the fact that they are trying to depict themselves in a certain way, they do go to church ,they speak nice, they are apparently lovely but all these could be just fakeness, and you will not realise that until the day that they are backed into a corner as you say and they have to fight for themselves, and only the way they are going to choose to do it will say it all. For some people churches can be just a place that they can meet other people, most of them nice people, they can gossip a little, it is a socialising place and meet familiar faces and may be that's about it. Of course for people like yourself things stand differently because obviously you have certain values in life and the reason you are or chose to be in a particular religious group is because you believe and follow.
As far as the betrayal feeling I think that should not exist as you can not be responsible for people characters and therefore for their acts. Forgive them as they don't know what they are doing!

Answer 2

I agree with Daughter here. Most, if not all, the pagans I know are very friendly, tolerant people. While I have not seen a pagan become aggressive in this forum. And im unsure what you mean by aggressive to be honest. If your talking about aggressively bashing another's veiws then I would say that is an unpagan way to react as most are tolerant. But remember that people are humans. whether pagan or not. and some people will lash out when backed into a corner. There are christians who do the same even though its not necessarily a christian-like thing to do. And the same can be said for any religion really. I wouldn't say there's a double standard as much as humans will be humans. One can only take so much of a bashing before they begin to retaliate. Also remember that not all pagans follow the same guidelines. Pagan is an umbrella for multiple religions. And there is no one set rule book for all of Pagans. Each has his own beliefs and his own traditions. Do not feel betrayed because of a few who "react in a most aggressive way" because this is how that person is. not how the religion is. As with everything in life. As the great Martin Luther King Jr. said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". Lets extend that a little and add in that they will not be judged by their religion or gender as well. For you will find those you like and those you dislike in every religion, gender, and skin color.

Answer 3

"but when backed into a corner in any situation, come out and react in a most aggressive way"

backed into a corner how? Are they being threatened? intimidated? picked on? Could you elaborate?

"totally uncharacteristic to the pagan way"

I am confused by this statement as well as this one....

"I always thought pagan religion was gentle, sensitive and unthreatening and the followers were the same."

Answer 4

*points*
*laughs*

You're painting in far too broad of strokes, there, sparky.

Plus, we're not getting any real details.
Did you try to pick on an Asatruar and got your head bashed into a wall several times?
Were you spitting on a Wiccan and they finally got tired of it, and retaliated?
Was it not you, but someone else?

You're thinking only of those Wiccan traditions that hold the "an it harm none" to be absolutist.

There are pagan religions which don't include that bit at all. Many reconstructionist religions are reconstructed from a warrior culture that valued the ability of a person to defend themselves and their family, kin, and home. If you were to have backed one of these types into a corner, I'm not surprised you were shocked by the outcome if you think all pagans are fluff bunnies.

Not all pagans are fluff bunnies.
Not all Abrahamics are Quakers.

Trying to paint all pagans as one sort is like saying EVERYone who follows the Abrahamic traditions is a Mennonite.
It's ignorant, at best, but more likely just plain stupid.

Answer 5

Hey there... about 10 year ago, 4 years after I started the pagan path I asked my self the same question. The thing to remember is were all human, and that includes the bad traits, like aggression, and selfishness. There are double standards in everyones life to some extent. I admit that I have been aggressive about my opinions when others back me in a corner, but it is the nature of the animal to react this way when they feel threatened. I rarely get this way with christians, or other more main stream religons because I dont want them to get the wrong feeling right off the bat about us in genral.
Pagan religons mainly center around a eathbaised spirituality, and nature and the earth are wild and dangerous. I would love to never, get angry, or feel so threatened that I have to become a true *****, but it can not always be that way.

However, i get really pissed and say so when other pagans, tarnish us by saying something that makes us all look stupid. The last "witchwar" I had was abuot 7 years ago, i entered into a Order...that shall remain nameless.. I got into a heated dissagreement with the leader, who can still kiss by butt, over the age of consent. He lied to his followers and to others to raise up his own personal status by having grovelers, instead of equals. He felt it was totaly ok to manipuate others and even feed off there energies. This caused both a physical fight, and a massive volly of agressive and protective magicks. Did I react harshly by voicing my opinion and standing up vehelimently for what I belive and also what is the LAW of the Land? Sure did. But to defend others. Maybe this is a diffrent example than you were looking for but its the one I have.
The only other time I ever got aggressive about my belifes, religous, primarily, was when a local church made up of ex gang members(good for them everyone finds there own light) and such wouldnt quite comming to my home and waking me up on sunday mornings to tell me that hell awaits me.. They wernt being nice about it, and I felt that I shouldnt have to put up with it either. Well yelled and cussed and I told them to get gone before I called the police and had them tresspassed.
I am sorry you feel betrayed, I really am. But people will be people, and there is not much you can do about that other than learn where a individual draws there line in the sand, and try your best not to cross it. Unless you have to.
No ones Perfect, not even pagans...(though were close :) >

Answer 6

In all things there are different types of people and reactions. With other knowing what the situation was that provoked them to act aggressively, maybe consider this: this person/persons may be attracted to the gentle, sensitive and nonthreatening because they have problems with being aggressive and want to be like the pagan ideal. Being backed into a corner probably bought out their aggressive streak; and another thing to ponder even the mildest gentlest creature will defend itself when threaten in the animal world and well as the human one. Please don't feel betrayed, these are people who follow a religion not the religion itself.

Answer 7

I think a lot of your confusion (and feeling of betrayal) comes from the unfortunately common misconception that a single "pagan religion" exists.

Pagan is not a single religion. It is an umbrella-term that can be applied to any non-Abramaic religion.

Now, there are those who claim to be part of pagan religions who embrace those things you describe and act considerably differently - but certainly pagans aren't the only ones who might be guilty of saying they believe one thing and behaving in a contradictory manner.

It doesn't seem so much a double-standard as it does "good ol' fashioned" hypocrisy.

Of course, that's based on very limited information. Pagan religions (and it must always be plural) are a vast collection of many different ideals. Some pagan religions are similar - others seem completely alien to one another when compared side-by-side.

www.beliefnet.com is a wonderful resource for information on many different religions.

Answer 8

First, you need to understand that there is absolutely no wuch as "the pagan way." Presuming that you're talking about self-identifying Pagans (Wiccans, Druids, Asatruar, etc), there is very little that actually unites those religions, and certainly nothing that dictates behavior.

Yes, there are some Pagans who say that Paganism is all about being kind and happy, but these are people who generally do not have a very deep understanding of at least Paganism and often their own specific religion within Paganism. Basically, they are more interested in good PR and proving others as being mean persecutors than they are interested in actual religious learning.

And yes, just like in other religions, we have our share of hypocrites. You find them everywhere, not just among Pagans, so I just ask that you not judge all of us by the bad behavior of a vocal minority.

Answer 9

I'm not sure where to even start with this.....

Pagans are tolerant and respectful. I would not include several of the trads in the word "gentil". I promise you. Mess with me or my own and it will get REALLY ugly, REALLY fast.
No man, mortal, or god has ever "backed me into a corner". If you offer no threat to me, I could give a damn what you think.
There is no double standard. We don't have a big book of Pagan rules somewhere that we all follow. EVERY pagan is different because we are all different people. Every TRADITION is different. On the whole, yes we are nice people. Why wouldn't we be? It has NOTHING to do with or religion most times. It has to do with being decent human beings.
There is nothing to feel betrayed on. Judge people on themselves, not thier religion.

Answer 10

Remember that Paganism consists of several religions. While some are gentle and unthreatening, there are several that, while preferring peace, have no issue with throwing down when push comes to shove.

Quite frankly, anyone tries to back someone into a corner gets what they deserve. Pagans are people, not mice.