experts please? I had a two year relationship with a 24-year old. I'm 30. She did treat me like !@#$%^&&*() for the last year of the relationship, and I didnt do anything but treat her like the queen I know she is. I gave her a choice of ending the relationship and she took the bait because I knew something was up. She tried to change me into her own fantasy person, which I chewed her out on. After we broke up, she found a new boyfriend within 3 weeks. I am assuming and know that she had him on the side. Three times in four weeks after our breakup. She had called me to see if just to check up on me (I'm not a child) once, and to see if I was ready to talk to her and become friends (all three times). I told her "Mary Grace I will call you when I'M ready". I wrote her a letter telling her I need space and that I still care for her. Now she has an upcoming b-day, she will turn 25. Now I'm not going to be an @$$hole and forget about her b-day. But I'm doing this as a friend. So what I did was I bought her a half dozen roses the day before, had it sent to her b-day place the day of (this was yesterday, by the florist), where she was holding her b-day party (3 yellow, 2 pink, and 2 peach) gave her call on her cell phone (the night before her party), and this is what I said to her in a very smooth manner (I'm assuming that she listened to it and maybe ignored it)
"Hey its Erwin,
listen, i know that we havent spoken in the last three weeks, and that I told you that I will talk to you and call you when I'm ready. And despite what you have done to me in the past, I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER HATE YOU. And I know you got a birthday coming up on Tuesday, so I just wanna wish you a happy and safe 25th bday. I'll tell you what, perhaps we can call each other some time, As a matter of fact why don't we talk sometime later this week. You have a goodnight. Bye!"
Okay so the "perhaps we can call each other some time. As a matter of fact why dont we talk sometime later this week" line may have been corny or too much for her. But thats how I feel
As she received the flowers, she was very receptive to it, by texting me, "Thank you so much for the flowers, they are very pretty". I responded. "You're very welcome. Happy 25th". But this was just for the flowers. I'm wondering about the voicemail message I sent her. I dont wanna push it. But I am also very curious, as to when a girl like her may or even may not call back? Does this actually mean, the lines of communication have been shut down for good? Or do I have to always be the one to start communicating. Like emails, phone calls, etc? Somewhere, down the line I do want to have some sort of casual breakfast/lunch w/ her if she is willing to do it. Her new man lives 30-35 minutes from her, while I live only 2 blocks from her. I do want to have her back as a girlfriend, but very subtly. Am I being crazy and unrealistic? Question is, how long should I wait for her to return my voicemail to me. I don't wanna push it but if I wait too long, I KNOW I WILL LOSE MY CHANCE AT BEING WITH HER EVER AGAIN. I'm an amateur when it comes to women. She was only my 2nd serious relationship.
I want to keep the lines of communication open again, see if there is any chance again. I just dont know how to go about doing it. Any advice or opinions?
2007-09-23 05:03:33 · 19 answers · asked by dem5pinoy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This situation is really complicated and the blunt answer to the question you're not really asking is that you need to leave her alone. Your relationship is over. You're just trapping yourself in limbo with desperate hopes of pursuing a relationship that won't happen. You're not ruining your chances with her because you don't have any chance. There's nothing there between the two of you.
Relationships/dating are like job interviews. When you go on a job interveiw, you presume you DIDN'T get the job and set up another interview. You go on a date, you don't presume a second date. You follow up in both situations expresing hope for the future and in the meanwhile look for something/someone else. It doesn't sound like you are pursuing other/more options...
2007-09-23 05:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by Professor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not as harsh as some of the others answering this question because I know there are two sides to every story. However I do agree, this does not sound like love or heartbreak, it sounds like convenience and habbit. The fact that she moved on means squat, you dumped her, she has every right to move on and you have no idea what her motivation is, this does not mean she ever had anyone on the side. You sound like you are playing games want her back but want to string it out. If you honestly want her back and love her then you lay your cards on the table, if she loves you she will pick them up and carry on playing. Yea you sound nice and all that but love is not a business relation ship, it is not rehearsed and scripted, it is emotional and occasionally the things we say and do are wrong. What other people think does not matter how you and her feel about each other is the most important thing but you dont seem too concerned with that.
2007-09-30 19:24:15 · answer #2 · answered by Piscean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish my so called boyfriend cared as much as you do. You seem to be a very forgiving person and that you've put up with a lot of s**t. Believe me, I can completely relate to your situation.
I can't tell you how long to wait for her. Its hard when you love someone. I'm in the same situation right now. Just follow your heart. Most people will tell you to follow your head. But this is my philosophy: Give 150%. Then at least when you walk away (or she does) you know in your heart that you did everything in your power to make the relationship work and although it will hurt (and its going to no matter what) you will at least walk away knowing that you're not a quiter. And thats something to be proud of!
Good luck to you and may God bless you.
2007-10-01 03:54:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a comparativly short answer for that very long question and it goes as follows: the fact of the matter is this, you broke up with her so that's the end of the issue.......PERIOD. She treated you badly, you broke up, she found someone else. What else is there to say? The fact that she lives closer to you than she does to him means ZERO. The fact of the matter is that your intentions are not pure. You don't want to be her friend simply for the sake of friendship. You want to "sneak" back into the boyfriend position. That's just not going to work because you're so emotionally attached to her that you'll end up hurt everytime that you think of her with other guys. You'll probably end up looking like a fool. You admit that she treated you really badly so what's your interest? Low self-esteem is a given but what is it coming from? Do you not think that you're physically attractive? Whatever the reason, you are making yourself seem desparate for attention from someone who doesn't want you. As everyone else on this page has already said, "JUST MOVE ON."
2007-09-29 13:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well honestly from my point of view i think you need to move on, you have tried several attempts to contact her and if she doesnt respond then i would think shes just not that interested or something else is occupying her time and attention. you sound like a very nice guy, person and friend. move on.. im sure youdeserve better, and there are a-lot of wonderful, available, beautiful women out there!, i know the pain can hurt, it is not easy getting over someone you really care about, but stop trying so hard believe me if she rally wanted to be with you she would contact you, but once you start to distance yourself and start going out with friends, believe me she will be the last thing on your mind. just keep busy and look for new friends, there are tons out there... oh, by the way. to save yourself the humiliation dont call her anymore, just think of what she might be saying behind your back,
2007-10-01 04:37:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-09-30 23:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the way I see this is that you are too good for this. You seem very serious about her, but she isn't. She isn't worth your time (and money in this case LOL). You should just move on, forget the voice mail.
Even if she starts talking to you normally again, or you guys finally hang out again, don't be intimidated that she wants you guys together again, if you agree to get back together so easily, she is just going to treat you like cr@p again. This girl seems like she is just playing games, and TRIXS ARE FOR KIDS.
2007-09-23 05:16:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's face it, flowers, sweet talk, opening doors for her will never, ever get her to really want you back. It is actually counter-productive. Getting back together for anything meaningful (if at all) will never happen. Move on.
2007-09-23 05:09:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only communication my boyfriend and me is cellphone.. our last meeting is 7 months ago.. its like falling out of love.. i always tried to communicate with him and i did everything to make our communication open.. but im tired.. i stop texting and call.
and now it was him who'se trying to contact me.. make her miss you.. she'll realized your worth.. but still do sometimes let her feel that you are still there..
but when you think she really doesnt want you anymore then maybe you have to go on...
2007-10-01 00:13:31 · answer #9 · answered by sai 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont push it, leave it alone for a while and go over your options b4 acting, id say about 2 or 3 weeks.
2007-09-23 05:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by ballaboy321115 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋